Take A Chance on Life
by KiahTrickster
Summary: As rare disease threatens the life of Nell Saunders Sam takes a chance and finds she may have a chance to make a difference. But it is not an easy choice to make, friends and family draw close.
1. Chapter 1

**Taking a Chance on Life**

**Reef Doctors**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to the creators and producers no copyright infringement intended. Written for fun. **

**Chapter One **

Sam squirmed in the flimsy blue gown, she had almost forgotten how much she hated being someone's patient. It was up there on her list along with being on the mainland. But as much as this was a choice it wasn't, she couldn't know something like this and do nothing.

It was just hard to remember that now that they had her trapped in a bed and would keep her there for a while; the surgery was tomorrow. The last few weeks had been a flurry of preparations and tests both for her and at the clinic as things happened to fast and Nell only got sicker. Her fears paled in comparison to the struggles of a child the same age of her son; his friend.

Sam pushed the blankets to her knees and reached for her charts on the end of the bed; she didn't feel like sitting still. So far there was little in them, a couple sets of vitals, some notes about the next days and times. Flipping back she scanned the doctor's orders, soon they would be in to stick her for an IV, wake her up early in the morning for more vitals and an anesthetic; then she'd get prepped. It was strange to be on the other end of it.

Used to long days and early starts she knew it was going to be a long time till morning, too much time to think. Things were shifting in her mind as what had simply been a duty became very real, and the fact that she had left the clinic in Rick's hands for nearly a week; and she wouldn't even have Livvy there for the first few days. Yet a selfish part of her was glad to have her friend over her here, she just wished her son was too.

This was her first time leaving the clinic in someone else's care for any length of time, and to be away from Jack for more than a night since they moved out there full time. Yet she knew Jack could take care of himself, and Sonny would probably check up on him too. This entire situation was a harsh reality check, that she felt partially responsible for; and guilty for the relief that it wasn't her child who was sick.

While Nell had ever only been her patient in an emergency and had a doctor on the main land the teen worked for her and ate at her house more often than not. She was the only friend Jack had on the island that was actually his age and Sam was sure that their disagreements and bickering was good for both of them. She should have done more than tell Nell to make an appointment, she should have insisted her father take her over months back when she first noticed the girl seemed off.

Maybe it wouldn't have gone this far if she had or if she had simply taken blood herself and run the tests; they would have had the results sooner. But Nell was private and had an attitude as her mask that sometimes slipped down to far, pushing too hard would get her blocked out for a long time. The girl wanted a family, and in part a father who didn't see her as the last memory of his late wife and even as he treasured her; he also smothered her. Nell wanted to belong desperately even as she made her physical appearance as unique as possible and attitude completely off putting.

Sam understood that in a way, she had been there once, she had accepted her father's love as enough but that had taken time; and even now she had questions that would never be answered. She didn't know how to explain it to Nell, or if the girl would even listen; well she might now.

Now Nell faced lifelong health problems because of diet pills and some genetic quirk, it had always been a risk but not one that anyone had dreamed would strike so soon. Sam didn't know the details of it exactly, Nell's father wasn't going to believe she meant what she said until it was done. But then she was going to sneak a look at Nell's chart. The girl's mother had died waiting for a transplant, that she did know but at that time she had been at home with her own baby and far away; she hadn't known her or Nell. None of it was right or fair but it gutted all of their tiny island family; mother and daughter facing the same fight years apart.

This time though Nell was going to win, Sam was going to fight for her and do whatever she could to keep that girl alive and in her home. She should have done it sooner but as much as the trips back and forth to the main land made it possible to get tested she feared it had also distracted her from life and some of the things that mattered most.

Working so hard to get Malcolm off the HRCT as well as a multitude of other things in the past four months, and before that it had been Jack's run in with a stinger. Nell had flitted through her life until she started to notice that the girl really was losing weight and color; even attitude.

It was another two months before Nell finally went to see a doctor on the main land and the rumors started; then Nell was being kept in hospital. Jack was upset and angry, everyone was, but he took it harder and she understood that. Tracking down Laurie Saunders and inquiring of his daughter's health she learned that Nell was on the main land to receive dialysis and waiting for a transplant; she was in acute renal failure.

All it took was a simple blood test, at least that was what she thought, non-familial matches were uncommon to say the least but a week later she learned that she was a match to Nell; and after that there were no options. Not that Saunders' believed that, but then she couldn't blame him, he had lost his wife when his child was a toddler.

She had some concerns that there was more to this than she was being told but she hadn't been allowed access to Nell's charts to get a sense of it. She didn't like taking someone else's word for it but she was going to do all she could to help. And that meant being caged for at least a week; after that she would take herself home whether they liked it or not.

Yet if they were going to keep her in bed there was no sense in not getting some work done, and so she had brought a file with her to finish making notes on and draft the report she hoped to send to James McCage, she had been feeding him her research slowly and around Malcolm; so far she was getting away with it.

The file was in her bag along with a few other things she needed for her stay, even if she was going to make it as short as possible. Climbing off the bed she rummaged for it as the door opened; she heard a giggle.

Sam turned to find Livvy standing just inside her room. "What?"

"It is a good thing you are wearing shorts, might want to remember to keep that closed if you are going into the hall." Livvy laughed and she rolled her eyes, her old smiley boxers were comfortable if her friend found them entertaining. "What you couldn't leave work at home?"

"It's only one file, I need something to keep busy." Perching herself on the edge of the bed she set it aside; there would be plenty of time for it later. "I thought Toby was bringing you over in the morning?"

"I begged. He headed back, he is going to come back in the morning and I didn't think you should be alone tonight."

"Jack doesn't want to see his father and being right in the hospital is a little close for comfort to him. I want him here but I know it won't help to force it, forcing him to be here with me is also forcing him to be near Nell. He doesn't know what to say to her." She sighed, she didn't want to think too much about her son's refusal to come, this wasn't just a day trip for meetings and she was trying to tell herself she wasn't afraid to do it. But holding him close gave her confidence, she just couldn't tell her sixteen year old that.

"You're his mum, of course you can force him to come and I don't buy hiding from his father as a valid excuse when his mum is having surgery."

"I'm okay with it, it would be good to have him here but at least this way he won't see me knocked out. Do you know the last time I was kept overnight in a hospital was when I was having him?" She sighed, she was glad that Livvy was here.

"I'd believe that, you are too stubborn for your own good." Livvy seemed to study her for a moment and she knew she was about to hear something more honest that she wanted to. "I know you're a little relieved that it isn't Jack, but you are entitled to that; especially after the stinger."

Livvy squeezed her hand and Sam found a weak laugh; it was very true. "If it was Jack I'd have chained him to his bed long before it got this far and monitored every bite he put in his mouth and flushed any pill he even though to touch. Especially with a family history."

"You only know half of yours."

"I know enough and I am old enough, this choice, I will make it through this but if…" She had a son, and a life she valued but in another way. "If I didn't my son knows I love him, I have left something behind and I have lived. I'm no child. Don't tell me not to think like that because to do this I had to think it through and make that decision."

"You are going to be fine. You are and you are going to make us all crazy trying to get you to rest and if I curse you when you are doing it I mean it but I am glad. I am proud. Sam I'm proud to say you're my boss and my friend."

"Please don't start that. I don't need to cry tonight, not over something silly." It was hard to keep it back, but she really didn't need to have this conversation now, it was going to be fine; it really was.

There was a knock at the door and she welcomed the distraction, they both looked up as a nurse that barely looked older than Nell stuck her head in. "Ms. Stewart? I'm supposed to start a fluid IV. I'm a nursing student with the university and…."

"C'mon in, we all have to learn some time." She cut the spiel short, she remembered her days as a med student and having to explain that you were a student; hoping the patient send you away asking for a real doctor was horrifying. "You don't need your teacher, I'll let Livvy tell you if it's right or not."

"Okay, thanks." The girl looked relived and disappeared, probably to explain it to the nurse she was shadowing and get her things. She reappeared with a cart of things, way more than she actually needed.

Sam watched as she prepared the line, still clearly nervous even as Livvy tried to put her at ease. "How far are you in your program?"

"This is my first ward practicum for clinical; it's my second week. It's also, uh, my first unsupervised IV; Emily said you are a doctor?"

She winced as the girl missed the first try, protocol was still only two and it would be hard if she missed; someone else would do it. Sam stopped her before she lined up the second. "Just wait a second."

She opened and closed her hand a few times, then let it hang over the side of the bed a moment. Checking herself before she showed her the same spot she had missed on the other hand. Sam pressed the girl's finger to the side of it so it couldn't roll away.

"Try it now. It is different doing it on a person than the practice arm." Sam smiled as the girl got flash back and set the line.

"That looks good, she had spider veins so it makes it even harder." Livvy inspected her hand before giving the young woman a reassuring smile.

"My teacher will still have to check it. It's hard but it is easier not being watched." Sam grinned as the girl let out a breath she realized the poor kid had probably been holding the entire time.

"If you need to practice I'll be here a few days; I can pull a few out."

"No, don't do that." A look of horror crossed her face and both she and Livvy cracked up.

"Sam is a doctor, she can remove them without doing herself to much damage and you won't scare her if you miss once or twice."

"Oh, maybe I don't know if Emily would like it."

"That's your shadow?"

"Yeah she is really good but so used to it; it's hard to keep up with it all sometimes."

"It always is at first, you'll be fine. I'll talk to her."

"Really?" She laughed at the surprise on the girls face, they probably didn't make them prove they could start an IV on themselves anymore; some rule about it by now. "Do you really work out on Hope Island?"

"We both do, Livvy is the Nurse Practitioner at the clinic. " Sam tucked her hand back into her lap and glanced at the discarded file; it might be a while before she got to it tonight.

"That must be cool do you get lots of weird stuff?"

Livvy laughed. "That is one way to describe it. You name it we will probably see it, but it is an awesome place to work and live. Sam grew up there."

The young nurse's eyes got even bigger, she tried to put her to rest. "It's not that exciting, I only moved back a couple years ago with my son to keep the clinic going; it used to be my father's practice."

"That's cool. It must be hard though, I mean what if something is really serious?"

"We call for a medevac and get creative." There was a knock at the door and they fell silent as the young nurse slipped away and away when the other nurse examined her hand. Sam dutifully told her that if her student needed practice she wasn't squeamish and was told she might be taken up on the offer.

When the room finally emptied out she snuck a hand out and turned the bag and then looked at the drip rate; counting carefully. It didn't matter if someone else was signing the order, she was going to be aware of what was happening.

"Sam leave it alone, don't you dare adjust it."

"They must think I don't drink water at all, or something…" She considered easing the drip rate back a bit.

"Don't touch; please leave it alone."

She shot Livvy a dark look but dropped her hand, she wouldn't touch the drip; until after Livvy left. There was no point to stressing her friend out more by doing it openly.

"I hate being in a bed in the middle of the afternoon." She grumbled.

"Enjoy it, usually you are exhausted and by the time we take you back to the island and away from civilisation maybe we'll let you up and around a bit. But everyone there will be watching you, and making sure you take it easy." Livvy's grin was absolutely evil.

"I'll take care of myself."

"No, you will take it nice and easy for the six weeks so you don't tear yourself apart and take forever to heal. Between Freya, Jack and I we should be able to make you rest, but if you rip your stitches I'll patch you up and have Toby ship you back."

"Don't you have something better to do on the mainland then threaten me? If you keep making demands Toby may as well become a ferry service?"

"Not my doing. Sonny's behind the orders and Toby is happy to do it. They want Jack to come and be with you Sam." Livvy broke off and she realized they were going to go somewhere uncomfortable. "Things haven't been the same between Toby and Jack for a long time but he cares about you and your son; we all do. And we all want to be here for you, we need you back in one piece."

"I think the better option would be two."

"I think you might give one of us a heart attack."

"I thought you wanted some new clothes and I think I may wander the halls a bit and enjoy being on my feet for a bit before people tie me to a bed."

"Sam."

"Scram."

Livvy looked at her for a long moment, sometimes her friend took things to seriously and while Sam knew this was serious; in a way she had the easier end of it. Once her choice was made she lived with it, there was no going back but she was in it; not watching from the sidelines.

She had spent her entire career working on those sidelines, looking in and doing her best to help; sometimes there was only so much that could be done. Sometimes there was only so much to be done for someone you cared about, there was only so much Livvy could do; but that wouldn't stop her worrying. It was a specialty they shared and sitting by a hospital bed would not ease it.

"I'll be back in the morning and I'll try to make it before they knock you out. If I don't then know I'm waiting for you."

"Thanks Livvy, I'll try not to make any of the nurses crazy."

"Everyone at home is going to keep working on Jack so he may be here when you wake up."

"That would be good." She smiled, appreciating her friend's intentions but knowing her son well enough to figure it would take quite a bit of persuasion. He would be in the building his father worked in and after having him on the island a few weeks ago, they were going at it over the same old topic; Malcolm Reid and the HCRT. Jack had spent as much of it as possible in hiding, there was no buffer between them on that trip as there had been when he had brought his new family; something she was still working to accept.

She was with Jack in some ways, she wanted her dealings with her ex-husband to be strictly professional or Jack-related Andrew was Jack's father and whatever she wanted for herself she treasured the relationship she had with her own father. Jack and Andrew might never have that but she wanted them to have something so that Jack didn't realize some day that she had moved him far away and raised him without a dad.

Not only that but how different it could have been had it been her to choose to move out rather than Andrew, his anger might have been directed at her. Yet any of it would have made their lives so much different. If he hadn't left she might never have returned to Hope Island, might have stayed on the mainland to keep her family together; her life would have been different. She loved the life she had even with all its complications, this included but while she had no regrets she also realized she was a bit afraid.

In this she had no control, no choice to make beyond saying yes and getting through this would not guarantee Nell's safety. I wouldn't do anything except subject her to the craft she had practised for so long and for all she did she couldn't promise an outcome and she didn't know what it was going to be like. But being afraid would not move her forward, it only made her human.

000

As soon as she was out of the hospital she dialled Sonny's number, hopefully Toby was back by now. Sam would never say it out loud but it was really hurting her that her son did not want to come. The rejection couldn't be undone but maybe it could be eased and hovering over Sam wasn't doing either of them any good. It only made Sam feel she had to talk and the woman was trying stubbornly to avoid the discussion of feelings.

Livvy would go back late, she could talk her way around visiting hours and whether Jack came or not she held Sam's power of attorney for this. That she understood as much as she feared, she didn't want to have to make any call like that for her friend but Jack couldn't make that kind of call for his mum; not even legally at his age.

In truth she was afraid to see Sam wheeled away unconscious, the woman was stubborn, opinionated and as passionate as compassionate but always strong. Even when they faced things that no remote area clinic wanted to Sam didn't let anyone see her waver, she faced it and walked forward; it was a shield that everyone ducked behind. If it went wrong it was Sam who dealt with it, if it went right Sam was the first person to say it was a team effort.

Sam had the hearts of their community behind her but it was time for them to take care of her rather than the other way around. And even on her best behavior Sam would be a challenge. Rest, low stress and keep stitches intact did not fit in anyway with the life Sam liked. Yet being on the main land would depress her.

Even if it was going to mean a very long head ache she knew it would be best for everyone to have Sam recovering at home as soon as possible. At least there with everyone knowing the situation now there would be plenty of eyes to watch over her. She also knew that Rick and Gus had a running bet on how long it would take Sam to do every scrap of paperwork she could find just to do something.

She wandered towards the docks as she spoke to Sonny, Toby wasn't back yet but Rick was guilting or terrifying Jack into regretting not making the trip with his mum. Jack and possibly Gus would be over before Sam was out of surgery. People were as worried about Sam as Nell but with Sam it was different; in to many ways.

Some were remembering when Nell's own mum was in this place and there was no one to help her but more were asking if they could make the choice. She was still asking herself, and she didn't like the answer. Livvy wasn't sure that she could choose to do what Sam was, she was proud of her career and believed in medicine; was sorry of what Nell was going through.

And in a tight knit little place they all had eventually learned what exactly Nell faced but even that, to take the risk for someone else; for someone else's child. She commended it and was amazed by it but didn't know what she would do if she actually had to; she hoped she would never have to find out.

Everything in life came with its risks, she had taken a risk moving to Hope Island, but it had paid off more than she had imagined. It had been a new start and a new life with people that accepted her and accepted the goals she had for herself. But it had been finally being able to find a home and a family; the risk was worth the reward.

Surgery came with risks and even if the procedure was done many times before some things couldn't be eliminated. She knew the risks and had to stop them from running through her head; telling herself that they would both be fine. Sam would be fine and so would Nell, but she knew the young girl's life would never be the same and a part of her wondered if Hope Island would ever be her home again.

She sat at the dock a long time, trying to imagine sitting on the beach with Sam, talking and hearing each other out; away from the clinic for a few moments. Sam was a mum afraid she was hurting her child while she wondered if she would ever get to that stage; yet they both had a past and a future. Livvy wished she had someone to hash all of this out with.

Finally pulling herself up she headed back towards the hospital, deciding the walk would do her good. Waiting was going to be hard, obsessing, she was already doing that but when that was over it was over; they couldn't go back. Sam would be short a kidney and have a scar and hopefully Nell would have a second chance; one that if given the opportunity she would monitor very closely. She made it back to the hospital and with a silent nod from a nurse slid into Sam's room to settle in for the night.

It was unnerving to sit beside her when she was sleeping, but it was the first time in a long time she had seen Sam look relaxed; as if content with it. Sam was busy at all times, stretched thin even with help between the clinic, her research and trying to make it work for her son; who refused to talk to his father.

Livvy couldn't remember a day that she had been on the island when Sam wasn't up before anyone to swim or run or do something in the clinic but then neither could she remember Sam taking a true day off. She knew Jack came first in Sam's life but Jack was no stranger to the clinic and felt at home enough there that it was probably where they had conversations most would have at home.

Curious to whether or not is was chemical induced Livvy checked the charts against the IV and cracked a smile. Sam was okay, the fluid drip had been reduced and reset several times that evening; it was low right now. Carefully setting it back to where it was supposed to be she looked around the room for other signs of how Sam had entertained herself.

The bag tucked behind the chair was carefully packed and looked neatly folded, some nurse had probably gotten tired of Sam wandering the halls with an IV pole and told her to stay in the room. She looked around but found no sign that Sam had been working on the file she brought, although that just meant it was stashed for now.

Finally she settled in for a long night and didn't wake until it was early morning and they were in to get Sam prepped. Checking vitals, and a multitude of other things before transferring her to another bed and fixing mask on her face. Sam was silent through it all, it chilled Livvy how she simply accepted it and closed her eyes. This was Sam's choice.

"Olivia Shaw?" The voice cut through her thoughts and she turned, she was Livvy to everyone and had been for a long time; but she nodded. "I'll show you to a waiting room, is anyone else coming?"

"Probably, I don't know when they will get here." It was happening and Livvy felt a tiny bit sick, soon they would go and get Nell, if they hadn't already.

She followed the woman to a waiting room and sunk into a chair for a long morning. An hour later a familiar face appeared in the doorway, he had lost weight and looked tired; much older too.

"They took Nell in, she is really going to do it." In a way she understood his feelings but in another it irked her.

"Sam's been in surgery over an hour." Livvy was blunt, she hoped Jack would show up soon, it was hard to wait alone; harder still to think.

He stood there for a long moment and then walked away, she just stared out into the hall, and he had to be afraid; he had every reason to be. But so were the rest of them, they feared for someone who wasn't sick and didn't have to be there but was; she should be more afraid for Nell.

It was much later when Jack finally appeared in the door way, a nurse walked away as he just stood there. Livvy sighed, he looked like a lost little boy and she knew in a way he was. "Toby and Gus are going to come by later, how long has…."

"They took her in a bit more than two hours ago, but that's nothing to worry about; it will be awhile yet. They will come and let us know how it went closer to the end and then the surgeon will come and have some details; after that we can go back and wait with her in recovery." She told him, knowing it didn't make it easier or faster; all they could do was wait.

"How long will she have to stay there?" Jack came and sat next to her and Livvy put an arm around his shoulders; she didn't know how to make him feel safe.

"Everything goes well it should only be a few hours and we can sit with her back in her room this afternoon."

"Nell?"

"She will be longer in surgery and recovery, once they harvest the kidney from your mum they are going to complete the transplant as quickly as possible. But Nell will spend longer in recovery, there are more risks on her side of it and she didn't go into this healthy. Her dad was in earlier so I'm sure we can check on her later tonight." Livvy watched him take it in, he was caught between his worries for his mum and for his friend.

"Wouldn't her dad be in here if she was in already?"

"No, they will have him waiting somewhere else. They can't finish on Nell until Sam is farther along, she will be out first and we will talk to the doctors sooner but it wouldn't be fair for him to see us getting news while he is still waiting. Even if things are going well it would make him worry."

"But mum isn't sick and you said she went in first, they could just explain that to him."

"They already have I would think but that will still be hard to remember, we only found out that we would be sitting in a waiting room when your mum decided to tell us what she was going to do. He has spent a lot of time in the hospital lately trying to make sure Nell is okay. "She trailed off as Jack stared at his hands, Nell getting sick had touched everyone and she knew it had made her think twice about how she thought of the rebellious ball of attitude.

"You know she didn't say anything, she just left; her dad has wanted to move her to the mainland for a long time. If mum hadn't known what was going on I don't think we would have got the truth, she just would have gotten sicker and we wouldn't have known anything." Jack sighed and glared at his hands. "I told her I didn't want to come because of dad but that's not it. She told me she was a match for Nell and I yelled at her, said it was stupid and…."

Livvy closed her eyes, the poor kid. "She said what if it was me and she couldn't do anything? She asked me to come again yesterday when she came over and I ignored her. Nell is my friend, if she wasn't maybe..."

That was as far as he needed to go. "Jack your mum is going to be fine, she is healthy and strong and to stubborn for her own good. It is going to be war keeping her on bed rest, but being there for her now, when she really needs you is going to mean a lot more than being afraid to do it. She will understand that, and she loves you no matter what. Nell will get through this too, and she will need friends as well. Be scared, this is scary stuff but face it because we aren't the ones who are going to be hurting; they will need us."

"We won't keep mum in bed but we can probably just tie her to her desk, she is so freaked about getting the reports ready to go and if I don't help her it will take six weeks for her to get them all sent." A smile faltered across his face.

"It might be nicer if you helped her so that she didn't feel she should try to work on it all the time; and the computer survives." Sam's battles with technology were getting tamer but that had a lot to do with Jack teaching her things and setting things up for her. Sam could be incredibly patient with someone who was hurting or sick but when it came to an object, especially one that talked back to her it was liable to see the thing fly.

"She brought some of it with her to work on, she is still trying to get Malcolm off the board. But I know she plans to be home by the end of the week."

There was a question there as much as a hope; it would be better for Sam to recover at home. "If we pull a few strings and promise to take care of her she might be able to leave by Friday but if she gets difficult they'll be more cautious about letting her go home."

"So she is going to be here for a long time." She saw his shoulders slump a little, left to her own devices Sam would probably wreak havoc on whoever was assigned to take care of her.

"That's where we come in, make her behave and take her home; we can always threaten to ship her back. Doctors and nurses always make the worst patients and she won't mean to be difficult; it's just how she is."

"I don't think she told dad, or the foundation board what is going on. That McCage guy thinks she is taking a week off like they told her to a while ago to get used to how this is going to be real and stuff." Now there was a slight grin on Jack's face, as bad as it was it would be something Sam would do.

"This was her choice and is her business, it's not our place to decide who she wants to know about it all but I don't know if she'll get away with it or not."

They fell silent again and stayed that way until a nurse in scrubs appeared. "Olivia Shaw?"

She was going to have to get used to hearing that again; it didn't sound quite right any more. "Yes and this is Jack Stewart; Sam's son."

The woman looked a little worn but didn't have the look that warned of bad news. "It went very well, we are just finishing up with her now and the doctor will be out shortly; but then she should be on her way to recovery. You can go and wait with her but it may be a bit for her to wake up."

"Why won't she wake up right away?" Jack perked, looking a bit alarmed.

"It will take time for the anesthetic and other drugs to pass through her system, she will be fairly groggy when she first wakes up and maybe a little confused. She might want to go back to sleep and after she checks out it might be the best thing for her. After this she needs as much rest as she can get." The nurse's tone was kind, it was easy to understand his concern.

"We'll take it as it comes." Livvy rubbed his back, Jack's look of shock had eased a little but she knew he wouldn't be at ease until he saw her.

"Your mum has a good heart, she will be okay." The nurse gave him a warm smile and left, Sam was touching more than a few hearts here; it was an incredible demonstration of generosity and she hoped it didn't go over Jack's head.

"It is perfectly normal for her to take a bit of time to wake up, they wouldn't want her to wake up early when they were working on her, so the levels in her system will be kept up until they know it is safe to let her start to come around. We will go and sit with her once the doctor gives the okay. But it might be tonight before she is really up for a lot of conversation." Livvy explained keeping an eye on the door, she had just finished when a doctor came up; it was the surgeon from the night before.

"Sam is on her way up to recovery, we couldn't have asked for a procedure to go smoother. Now all we have to do is keep her from playing with the IV once she's conscious and keep her in that bed and we will be able to send her home with you pretty soon."

That got a genuine smile from Jack. "So she okay?"

"As long as she rests and lets her body heal the only difference anyone will notice is going to be a scar."

"And Nell?"

Livvy winced, the woman couldn't really tell them anything and Jack knew that; it was a rule that Sam drilled into him. "Your mum has given her a good chance and I'm sure if you slipped in to see her tonight it would be appreciated. I'll point you in the direction of recovery, just ask the nurse at the desk to show you to her room; I'll be in to check on her later."

In all likelihood the only person who would see Nell tonight would be her father, but if they went over he would appreciate it and pass it on to his daughter. Livvy was glad that the doctor was considerate, if evasive. She could have simply told him it wasn't a question she could answer or brushed it off. But Jack needed to be reassured as much as possible, he was following his mother's habit of riding guilt trips.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Every part of her body felt oddly heavy, and her mind was fuzzy, she tried to blink; trying place it. She hated sleeping on her back but trying to roll sent pain burning through her side and she realized she hadn't even moved an inch.

"Mum, you awake again?" Jack's voice cut through clearly and it clicked into place as her throat closed up; he had come.

Licking her lips Sam tried to make herself reply but her mouth felt like sandpaper. She got her eyes open in time to see a hand coming towards her face as Jack leaned over her.

"Just too wet your mouth Sam." Livvy pressed the end of the straw to her lips; dripping a little water against them. But it was enough to get rid of some of the grittiness and things were beginning to fit together.

"Again?" Whatever they had given her must have done the trick because her mind was blank from last night on but she was back in her own room. Which meant she had been cleared from post-op recovery so she must have been talking and stable.

"You were pretty weird." Her son grinned and she wondered what she had said.

"Don't let him bother you, Sam you were a bit groggy but you knew us and figured out where you were. Your vitals are stable and the doctor checked you over so they sent you back here to sleep." Livvy's hand rested on her shoulder.

"Trying to trick me about now is mean Jack. When did you get here?"

"This morning, after you went in." A look of sadness passed over his face and she felt her heart tighten; something might have gone wrong. "I'm sorry mum."

"You're here now." Sam didn't want to go there, she didn't need pity; but she was curious. "Nell?"

"Still in recovery but the doctor seemed pleased with the results. We passed her father on our way out, we let him know you know you were back here so we might see him later."

"The doctor said you have to rest for the next month." Jack smiled at her and she fumbled for his hand; her coordination was still a little off.

"I'll take care of myself and I don't need a jailer; I didn't think it was a month either."

"It's a month and half before you do anything strenuous or return to work. That means time on the couch and movies not tearing around the clinic and the island. Just to keep you sane we will let you do paperwork." Livvy gave her a stern look, Sam looked away; her eyes wandering to the IV.

"Can I sit up and have a drink?" She tried to count the drops but she really wanted to know what was in it.

"Just rest Sam, we'll get you up in the morning, maybe into a wheel chair." Livvy told her, a hand on her shoulder as if she would try anyways.

"You couldn't get up if you wanted to." Jack seemed to be a little pleased to tell her what she couldn't do.

"Here Sam, have a little bit." Livvy used the straw to dribble a little more into her mouth and Sam fought humiliation; she really wasn't that helpless. "Once the doctor clears it we can crank the bed up and you can have a bit more. Jack why don't you go and tell the nurses she is awake?"

Jack nodded but squeezed her hand before leaving. She watched him as far as she could before looking back to Livvy. "Is something wrong?"

She wished she could remember being awake the first time even as Livvy shook her head. "No, no Sam everything went fine. But I think Jack is struggling a little bit, in fact we all are, and taking care of you a little is helping him cope. Please don't be too difficult."

"I'm not difficult and I'm not an invalid." She remembered exactly why she hated having people fuss over her.

"You are difficult and you are going to be a good invalid and let your son take some comfort in looking after you. Your stuck where you are and don't bother bluffing the doctor when she tries to take your pain scale. Maybe I'll scribe your notes on the research file later."

"Has anything been said on Nell's condition? I mean long term." Livvy might know something she didn't want to say in front of Jack.

"I spoke briefly to Laurie Saunders, the procedure went well but I think he was more relieved that it was over. Anyways it is too soon to know a lot of the details, you know that. I'll check in again in the morning."

"Thanks." As long as Nell pulled through than it was worth any discomfort she would endure.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Jack returned with both the doctor and the nursing student who proceeded to poke at her and talk over her as if forgetting she knew exactly what they were discussing, but she smiled watching the young student absorb it and nod, she had potential and a good group to work with. Sam did her best to cooperate but she'd have rather been included or left alone.

She was a little insulted when they simply informed her that there was a pain drip added to her fluid, everything else had been carefully explained for the student; and it was turned so she couldn't see. Same could handle that yet it irked her and she waited until they left. She reached up, turning the bag to see what it was, she heard snickering and glanced over.

"Less than two minutes." Livvy said over her shoulder.

"I was just looking. I like to know what is getting pumped into me." Sam defended, she hadn't even checked the drip rate yet; and no one told her anything.

"You can't behave for a minute, we were just discussing it Sam and you failed miserably but anyways it is mild as you've seen and the doctor says three days then you can go home as long as everything goes well and you don't hurt yourself." Livvy came back into the room followed by Jack and shut the door.

"Can't they just put it out of her reach?" He asked with an impish grin on his face.

"That's mean."

"No Jack, we can't even if it would keep her off it. We'd have her trying to sit up and get it; anyways the height can affect the drip rate." Livvy sat by her bed as Jacked perched next to her knees.

"If you two are just going to make fun of me then I'll try and get some work done." Setting her jaw as she glared at the two of them.

"How?" Jack gave her a smart grin.

"I am going to be around the house a lot in the next few weeks but I could work on my cooking kills rather than reports. I'd need a taste tester." That wiped the grin off his face.

"As good as that threat is Sam you really should rest." Livvy patted her shoulder and Sam wanted to snarl, if she could make it to the shelf herself she'd try but she wasn't that foolish.

"It's in the bottom of bag, Jack." She gave her son a pointed look, Livvy's jaw was set but her son wasn't sure her threat was empty. "I'll just read and think for now."

"You could talk to us that would keep you busy." He was already off the bed.

"You should go and see your dad while you're here." He made a face and she knew the conversation was over.

"He does know you are here right Sam?"

"Livvy what I am doing is not my ex-husband's business. But what is my business and Jacks are different things concerning his father and however difficult Jack chooses to be his dad still loves him." The last part was directed at Jack but he seemed to ignore it.

"Did you tell anyone other than us you are here?"

"I'd assume the island is well informed by now."

"Mum it is not here, where else could you have stashed it?" Jack ended that discussion.

"It's in the bottom, under my…"

"All your clothes that you actually folded, no file. Are you sure you brought it?"

Her heart clenched as he held the empty bag for her to see, Sam groaned pushing herself as she felt the lines attached to her chest pull and her side exploded in pain. Cold panic raced through her, her body wasn't doing what she wanted.

"I know it was there, it was the…" She was nearly sitting as Livvy pushed at her.

"Okay if you will lay back we will just check the rest of the room. Sam, Sam…" White hot pain raced through her body and a machine beeped rapidly; her vision swam and went black.

o0o

It wasn't a good feeling to see Sam go limp and she immediately glanced to the machines. Finding her wrist as the door opened and Jack moved closer alarm on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Take it easy Jack." She stepped back as two nurses moved in to do exactly what she was and Sam started to come around. "Let them do their job."

The doctor came in, stepped close to the nurse, and rolled Sam for a look at the dressing. "Okay, we'll sedate her for the night. Keep her off the IV, just until the sedative takes effect."

The woman eased Sam's hand off the rail and set it by her side, Livvy winced as Sam tried again with the other. "Thought we said no excitement?"

"We weren't thinking there would be any complications, it was just something in her bag." It sounded stupid and she was irritated with Sam for getting so upset; maybe she had tucked it somewhere else and just forgot about it. But a part of her knew.

"Alright we are going to keep her calm for the night and in the morning she will wake up a little tougher than she is now if she refuses to rest very much." The doctor held one wrist as Sam still struggled a little, she was getting weaker as a needle prick did its job. "Determined, we don't need her pulling out this line or getting her hands on it. I think the right hand might take care of it."

Livvy winced as soft restraints were wrapped around Sam's wrist and Jack squirmed; she kept him back. The nurses finished and left as the doctor approached them. "We will keep her sedated for the night then in the morning I'll come back once she is awake and talk through when we can get her on her feet."

"Thanks." She squeezed Jack's shoulder as he started to talk. "You figure it will be long for the sedation to take effect?"

"Not long, as soon as she levels out we'll take 'em off. Twenty minutes tops." The doctor updated the charts and left.

"They will take them off as soon as possible, but it is dangerous for her to get her hands on the IV now, her hand could slip and end up increasing it rather than lowering it or cutting it off. And we aren't perfect, even if we watch her; it takes a second for her to hurt herself. It will just make her sleep; how about we search the room?"

"You figure it is gone?" Jack sounded deflated and she winced.

"I don't know Jack, I don't know what use it would be to anyone, there is no report and even so the notes are of no use to someone who doesn't know how your mum thinks or her shorthand. Maybe Sam got creative in hiding it, we know she was bored." Livvy started going through the shelves as Jack checked the edges of the bed, she smiled that would be the teenagers hiding place.

"Who would take it here?" Jack paused, staring at his mum and Livvy gave him a soft smile.

"I don't know, if it was in the open a nurse could have picked it up by mistake, I'll go ask. Why don't you just sit with her for a bit?" Livvy didn't believe for a moment that Sam left it in the open or any nurse, knowing Sam herself was a doctor would pick up anything in the room that didn't have the hospital's logo stamped on the front.

Stepping into the hall she spotted the nursing student who had been in and out of Sam's room. "Kaile, have you seen Emily?"

The young woman nodded. "She is at the station."

"Thanks, you wouldn't have happened to pick anything up in Sam's room by any chance?"

"Nope." Kaile shook her head and stepped around her, Livvy headed for the nursing station.

"Livvy, I'll have Kaile go in and remove the restraints, Kaile really looks up to her even without knowing her. Anyway as long as her pulse is stable I'm not worried, it spiked very high." The woman was reading something and Livvy fidgeted, looking around the area.

"Would anything have got picked up out of Sam's room? A file of any kind?" Livvy's eye caught on the nurses' mail boxes, a name; her heart sank.

"No, only file in her room anyone would have touched is the chart? Is something missing?" The woman looked up.

"Yes, but I, I think I know where it might be. Can you tell me how to get across to the research floor?"

The nurse nodded, clearly confused but told her to go to the front desk and get a badge to go through the research facility and to ask where Andrew Walsh's office was. She followed his instructions and found the office relatively easily, she hesitated to knock; hearing voices behind it.

Taking a deep breath she pushed it open and waited for them to realize she was there as she looked at the screen. Her anger boiled up and she searched the faces of the people sitting there as they realized she was there and that she was reading the screen.

"Excuse me?" A suit at the head of the table asked as Andrew Walsh's eyes widened but it was Malcolm she locked eyes with.

"Where did you get this?"

"Livvy, this has nothing to do with you."

"This is the foundation that is supporting Sam's research and that, that is her work." Well some of it was, some of it the information on the screen made no sense.

Malcolm Reid did not reply, and while several people gave him strange looks Andrew Walsh finally answered. "It would seem Sam has finally decided to be cooperative, she delivered the file this morning, and she plans to be out of reach for a week, probably chasing something else venomous she wants to play with if you ask me. Livvy you don't know all the details of running the clinic."

"No, no I don't but I know Sam didn't give you this information today and that I need to speak to someone from the foundation privately." Her blood was running cold, Sam had made her excuses but the procedure had been planned nearly a month in advance and the nurses were expecting Sam; Malcolm's wife could have simply told him. "I need to do it now!"

The suit at the end of the table stood and Livvy felt herself tense under his gaze, but he seemed oddly calm. "We'll take the room please."

The people who seemed to work with him rose and left, Malcolm hesitated but Andrew pushed him along. It was very real now, and this was not her strong suit, but this wasn't a choice. "I'm sorry I didn't get your name."

"That's alright, James McCage, and you would be Olivia Shaw, Sam has spoken highly of you. May I ask how you can be so certain that she did not pass this information directly to Malcolm Reid? We have asked them to work together and this is a substantial amount of funding, it would do both the clinic and the Uni a great deal of good." He rounded the table to stand beside her, as Livvy looked through the papers that had been in front of Andrew Walsh.

"I'm sorry if I am blunt but this morning Sam was on an operating table, she didn't give anyone in this room now or before anything. And for personal reasons I know she would refuse to pass anything through Malcolm Reid, especially after the incident in the lab." Besides that Sam was a professional, she would never submit anything hand written, she might destroy a computer in the process but the document would be formal; her personal notes included.

"Is Sam alright? I was unaware she was ill."

"Sam isn't sick." Livvy hesitated, the truth was something that Sam should share herself but she couldn't well lie to him now. "The procedure was voluntary."

"Requiring surgery is serious enough, if she didn't want it to be public knowledge she could have come to me…"

"Sam made a personal choice and is seeing it through, she intends to be recovering at home by the end of the week. She had brought the original notes with her to work on while she recovered, there was nothing to identify her patients and unless it was known who she was and what she worked on it would have been completely random information. She became upset to a point that she had to be sedated this afternoon when we couldn't find the file." Livvy gritted her teeth, a part of her simply wanted to blurt it out, Malcolm Reid was a liar, cheat and thief.

"You are making a very serious accusation, you remember that Andrew Walsh is Sam's ex-husband and to my understanding they are still friendly, he is very supportive of her work. But he doesn't seem to be aware that she is in hospital."

"I know what I am saying and I don't enjoy saying it, and I am not pointing a finger at Andrew Walsh, Jenna Reid works as a nurse on the floor that Sam is recovering on, her situation has generated a bit of gossip and most of the staff is well aware that she is a doctor from Hope Island; there is only one female doctor on that island."

He sighed and shuffled the papers, she knew he was struggling with understanding what she was saying, she was still figuring it out herself and she had one big question. She couldn't understand the gain, he had to have known that this would be found out, and that Sam would fight it; it was a career killer. Unless he thought they would take his word over Sam's but she didn't know.

"You have to understand my insistence, but why is Sam Stewart in hospital? We have high hopes for her research and that means a great deal of stress which could make any medical condition worse. And if this is correct then this just became a great deal more complicated." The man had set a report on top and flipped to the last page, Livvy realized it was an original and there was a signature in black ink, Sam's name; but not her handwriting.

"A teenager from the island went into renal failure and Sam is a match." She swallowed hard, hoping that Sam would understand but as soon as she said it she saw she had made the right decision; emotion flickered in the man's eyes. He genuinely cared, he was concerned for Sam's health as well as her work.

"She donated her kidney." All Livvy could do was nod, his eyes were intense as he studied her for a long moment and then looked down to the report on the table; she wondered if he noticed the choppiness to the signature.

Maybe it came from reading Sam's handwriting every day but she could easily tell the difference. James McCage was silent for a long time and Livvy just watched him unsure of what to do or say. Finally he looked at her. "I am going to continue with this meeting, I am going to hear Reid's presentation and see what I learn from it and after I will inform my board that the report is a fake, and we will take the matter before our lawyers and find out how to proceed. I need to be able to contact you, early tomorrow, and I will need to speak to Sam. I will not make a decision about funding or moving forward until I do all of these things. At this time I do not need to share what you told me about where Sam is."

Feeling a little shell shocked Livvy made her way slowly back to Sam's room, past the people who looked at her with masked curiosity. She ended up sitting in the chair by Sam's bed again, wondering if what she had done was right or if she was just causing more problems for Sam to deal with when she was supposed to be resting.

Jack came back a little later, and his eyes locked with hers. "Did you find it?"

"Yes, but I don't have it, Jack things are really complicated now."

"Dad knows she is here."

"Not yet, no but he may well find out." That was the least of her concerns, Sam could get rid of her ex and Jack could deal with his dad; it was everything else she was worried about. "Have you seen Gus and Toby?"

"They were here, they went to see if Nell was awake, I, uh went to the vending machine." He looked a little guilty but she just shrugged, it wasn't very interesting watching Sam sleep; no one would ever blame him for needing a break.

"I'll be right back I need to talk to them."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

She felt stiff and groggy, realizing that she was waking up drugged one time to many; Sam wasn't pleased. But she did place it much quicker this time and was greeted by nurses and then the doctor before finally being propped up to sit in the bed, with the promise of a short walk later if she rested this morning. They all knew something they weren't telling her, she didn't like it.

Left alone for a moment she tried to put together why they had knocked her out for the night, she had become 'agitated', that didn't tell her all that much. But it was coming back and a knot of worry formed in her stomach, Jack hadn't been able to find the file that she had brought over to work on. She didn't know whether they had found it later or not, but she was quite sure of where she had put it.

"Hey, you look like death warmed over." She looked over as Toby came in, Sam was a little surprised; she hadn't realized he had stayed after dropping Jack off.

"Thanks."

"Your breakfast looks about as good." He looked at the tray a nurse had pushed in front of her and Sam just sighed, she might be a little hungry, or at least she had been until she saw the food. It really didn't look appealing, she liked toast for breakfast and any kind of hot cereal was not appealing.

"Juice is good." That was about all she wanted, that and the water maybe, it might be a bit of paranoia but she wanted to have a drink; her mouth felt dry and gross.

"Try that." A wrapped and slightly mangled takeout pack landed on her table. "Got it downstairs, can't guarantee it's much better but at least it doesn't look like puke."

She winced at the relation, it was a little to close and slowly opened the pack, it was better. "Thanks Toby, how long have you been here?"

She wasn't sure whether he had been in the room or not when she woke up. "Awhile, Livvy and Gus are around somewhere too. Jack stayed here most of the night so I left him on the boat to sleep; he'll be there awhile."

Sam smiled, at least someone was looking out for him, and she didn't want him sitting by her bed as if waiting for her to croak or something. "Did Livvy mention a file?"

She took a bite of the bagel, it was good and she was a little hungry. "Yeah, Sam you are going to have some company in a little bit, Livvy and Gus are trying to sort out as much of it as they can right now."

As in without her. Now she knew something had happened to it, but it didn't seem like anybody wanted to tell her exactly what. "Where is it?"

"Don't worry about that right now." Toby was on his feet and pawing through her things, looking for something.

"What are you doing?" She finished the bagel and sipped the juice, the knot of worry was not going to sit well with her breakfast.

"Did you bring a hair brush?" He had a clip in his hand and Sam just nodded; he would keep digging anyways. He found it and came back to the bed. "Sam you aren't going to be happy about all of this but at least try and be cooperative."

"People keep telling me to cooperate, I try to be cooperative but it really helps when people tell me what is going on." She snarled, Toby sat next to her and started smoothing her hair back, trying to tame it into a clip; she winced. She felt greasy, she hadn't had a shower and felt it.

Fastening it in the clip he got up, shoved the tray out of the way and went back to rummaging through her things. "What are you looking for now?"

"Deodorant, anything else you may have brought to clean yourself up."

"Can you just get a wash cloth?" Feeling her face heat up, Toby was the last person she wanted poking through her things but there was something else she wanted. "And bring that over here."

He gave her a half smile, dumped the bag on her knees and headed into the washroom. Sam rifled through it quickly to find the things she needed and slip her hands under the sheets, clumsily pulling on a pair of loose shorts. Toby re-emerged from the washroom and handed her the cloth and a towel.

The small things helped a lot and she felt a little better, Toby got rid of the cloth and towel before sitting on the end of her bed to fold things she had dumped, Sam hadn't pegged him for a neat freak but she did know he liked things to be orderly; he kept his boat pristine.

Grudgingly she helped, watching him carefully, he had been under a lot of stress the past few months between cooperating with the AFP and helping on the periphery of a discovery he had made. She was thankful that he had been able to make a deal that allowed him to keep his boat and stay on the island in exchange for information on Erica, which turned into a viper pit. A small part of her was just glad that he had decided to take the honest road about it.

She would have hated to end up with the island crawling with treasure hunters and Toby gone forever to hide from the law. He was a good friend, if he was irritatingly uncommunicative sometimes, and maybe someday there would be something more. A part of her hoped and another told her to be happy with what they had; it could have been gone to easily. She was glad to have him close.

"Who exactly is coming?" Her mind refocused, Toby would know, he just might not tell her.

"James McCage. Sam just don't get all hyped up, you trust Livvy and Gus and they are trying to sort this for you." Sam felt her eyes pop as Toby's hand landed on her shoulder. "Stay put Sam."

"Why?" She choked, feeling a sickening panic welling up inside of her; she hadn't told him or anyone from work about this.

Any of it, she didn't want or need their opinions on it, especially her ex-husband's. He would argue that she was risking her health when she was supposed to take care of their son and was unfit to be a mother, if Jack hadn't wanted to live with her and been old enough to make the choice the custody battle would have been hard; Jack been a teenager and choosing her had made it simpler.

"Right now Sam, McCage is the only one who knows and he isn't talking, something's happened and they're trying to get it sorted." Toby was watching her carefully and she nodded, silently promising to calm down, forcing herself to take deep breaths; even as she wanted to cry. "Hey it may just grant your wish."

"Why?" She asked again, ready to continue when there was a knock at the door before Livvy appeared.

"Good you're up, Toby?"

"I know when I'm not wanted." The man squeezed her knee and got up heading for the door, someone stopped him just outside it but Toby nodded and kept moving.

"Sam something happened yesterday, I don't know if you remember it but we are taking care of it. There are just some things that need to be done to make sure it's all good." Livvy came to sit by her bed as Gus and James McCage filed into the room.

"Look I appreciate you briefing him on the missing file but without a report the notes in that file are nearly useless and I have the information that based the notes at the clinic I'll get the report done I'll just have to do it at home." She explained, somehow she felt that maybe if she talked and sounded like herself they wouldn't notice the hospital bed, tubes and lines that seemed to surround her. She hated feeling nervous.

"Sam we have located the file and are taking steps to sort out the issue, I'll get your consent as well but your pharmacologist, Gus, has already agreed to make me privy to all your data; report ready or not. That way I am briefed while I wait for the reports and I have no problem waiting awhile." James McCage had taken a chair to the right of the bed and she already saw some kind of pity in his eyes.

"I'll be home in a couple days and I'll get right on them. I'm sorry that this happened it was…."

"It was a way to keep busy and I am in no hurry, we have some reorganizing to do within the trial preparations as well as some things that need to be discussed. Sam I want you to go home and take it easy for a while, rest before you get back on your feet. Maybe take that week away with your son at least?"

She stared at him, unsure what to say, of what had all happened while she slept. She never slept as much as she had in the past forty-eight hours and now she had missed something; or quite a few things.

"I am afraid I do have a few things to ask of you right now." She nodded eager for something that she could do to be useful; she felt lost. "If I give you a pad of paper and read you a few passages would you write it out first in long hand and initial below it, then in the shorthand you prefer and sign your name?"

"Alright." She agreed, shooting Livvy a questioning look, why on earth did they need samples of her writing. "What is this for?"

"I just need to confirm a few things and decide how we are going forward." He handed her a pad of paper and a pen, she wondered what exactly was going wrong; because something was.

"Has the funding fallen through?" She looked straight at him, even though she noticed Gus give Livvy a strange look and tug her from the room.

"No, Sam we are excited to fund your clinic and research; this is a detail we need to cross off. I'll read you the passage now."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"She is lost and doing her damn best to keep up in there, we should have talked to her before we talked to him." Gus only waited for the door to close and Livvy winced, she understood what he was saying, she had the same feelings; but at the same time.

"Sam is vulnerable right now, she needs a buffer to keep her from getting to upset. Telling her Malcolm had her file will have her out of that bed and yanking out lines not caring how they come off. She has to rest."

"So we just hand her work over to this guy? Not give her a say, wait for her to feel it is ready? She has sat on this project almost a year trying to get it perfect, anybody else would have been ready long ago but she wants it to be right, to work and not hurt someone. She is the one who gets it, who knows what all her little lines and scribbles mean." Livvy understood his outrage, but if they didn't cooperate with McCage rather than help Sam they could lose her the biggest break she had gotten.

"So we put it on a stand still until Sam is better. She goes home and works herself sick and ends up getting seriously hurt, then we don't answer to McCage or anything about her research. We answer to her son, we live with being responsible for hurting our friend and our boss."

"Blowing it a little out of proportion."

"I'm not the one with a bet on how many stitches she'll blow, thank goodness no one else wanted to go in on that with you. And the suggestion that you go snake hunting without her?" Livvy retorted, she had done her best to shut down both of those bets but wasn't sure that the last was a complete deal.

"Alright, fine, its Sam if she really didn't want her research shared she would've already blurted it out." She watched him run a hand through his hair, he was adorable when he was confused. "I don't know what to say to her seeing her in that bed. It's Sam."

"I know."

"And Nell, the two of them, the last two who should be tied to machines; it's like putting lions in a cage to see which one kills somebody first." He paced back and forth a bit and then looked at her. "We move it forward as much as we can while she recovers so there isn't as much for her to do when she gets home and then they can give her the good news."

"Exactly, no more Malcolm Reid." Livvy said as the door opened.

"I can't guarantee that, but he won't be working on this project." James McCage stepped into the hall, again shutting the door and Livvy fidgeted; it might not be a good idea to leave Sam alone to her thoughts to long. "I need to give this information to our lawyers and they will make their decision and approach the dean within the next couple days. My decision is made, was made I think the moment I understood how little she actually cares for money."

They both stared at him, Livvy knew what this deal was worth and she knew Sam cared a lot about that money; the clinic needed it. Not to mention a backer like this almost guaranteed that for the research alone the University would leave the clinic be; no more short lists or threats of closure.

"You think they are going to let him keep his job?" Gus sounded entirely disgusted, and while she agreed she also knew; it wasn't their call to make.

"It has to be presented to the dean, if charges are laid there will be those proceedings but it is likely the university will conduct their own inquiry. We don't make decisions there." But they did have influence and he knew it, Livvy could see that it was going to be used in the set of his jaw. "We will have to decide on another doctor to assist the research trial here so Sam can return to the island to continue her work; that may take some time as Andrew obviously needs to look at his own staffing."

"That's understandable, look I know Sam needs to know all of this but we would like to be able keep her resting…." Gus was now giving her the disgusted look but she knew Sam would guess, it wasn't that hard and it had been her first instinct. Conformation was something else, and it would make Sam impossible.

"I can wait a few days for things to be confirmed before going into details, as it is I have plans to be a little out of reach for the next few days." He was flipping through some papers that had been in with the file, she glanced at Gus; that didn't really help much. "Sam sent me these a few weeks back, I'd like to go over some of them with you."

"Maybe Gus could do that, he is more involved in the research side of it and I don't know if Sam should be alone right now."

"She is a grown woman Livvy." Gus threw in, she glared at him.

"You know a lot more about Sam's research than I do and have probably read through the reports." Livvy took an easy out and left both men in the hall.

Only to be met with Sam's glare. "Livvy what is going on?"

She stared at her, this was such a mess.

"The file." She winced, Sam was alert and her silence wasn't going to help. "Livvy I need to know, please; why does James McCage know? Why was he visiting me in the hospital?"

"Sam, please can you take a couple deep breaths." She was turning a little red, and Livvy realized the woman had disconnected the cardiac monitoring system; at least her IV was still in.

"Malcolm."

"Jenna Reid works on this floor, Sam it is being taken care of I promise; please let us deal with it. Just rest."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Livvy nodded to the IV pole by the bed, and Sam turned her glare on it. "They sedated me, still Livvy it would have helped knowing that going into this morning. What did he do?"

"Sam it is being sorted out, just rest, do you want me to get you a book from the gift shop to read?" Not going to fly but Livvy wasn't sure what to do, the only way to keep Sam in bed was to have her occupied.

"I'm going to take a walk." Sam looked away and began to fiddle with the IV line; Livvy groaned as she got up.

"Sam you can't please stay put. Gus and I are going to take care of it, Mr. McCage already said it wasn't going to hurt the funding or the research trial so we will get through it but it can wait right now. You need to recover and get your strength back. Then when you are at home you can do some paperwork, for now…"

"I'll stay put but I can get up for a walk this afternoon, and that's not my decision." Sam gave her a smart look and she couldn't help but laugh.

"Leave the IV alone." She took her friend's hand, smoothing the tape holding the IV. "I will get you a book, you aren't getting your file back for a while and that is not something you need to worry about."

"Livvy drop it, I will do my best to do the same. It just, it was all working for once." Sam sighed, neither of them was going to leave it alone and she wanted to see what was happening.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, and it can't be changed. Go find me a book and maybe my son. Did he really sit here all night or is Toby messing with me?"

"Toby wouldn't right now and Jack did sit with you most of the night. Sam he feels bad, and you can't blame him. He went back to the boat to sleep and he needs it, almost as much as you."

"I do not need sleep, and I know he didn't bring his laptop; he is going to end up behind on his courses." Sam winced and she knew the woman was thinking about her ex, and their most recent battle about her being too lax on school; the man didn't have a clue as to why Sam would let Jack ask for an extension on a project.

"Relax Sam we will get his school stuff done, I'll ask him to bring it to the hospital tonight and you can help him; you made it through Uni"

"If he brought it."

"Sam we will get it and get it done alright?" She waited for Sam to agree but just got a stare. "I am going to find Gus and Toby."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"Look this has been a hard road, our board has their doubts but they always do, now back a few months we had struggled but as Andrew has stepped in between Sam and Malcolm things got better. Now as you know Andrew was overseeing it but Malcolm was kept on as his job is being worked out, his first offer fell through. Hence until now he was presenting information that Sam sent to him and Andrew, the file was a fluke but things were going well.

"I've read the reports, looked everything over very carefully. This report, it, it would have been damning. Now as it was presented by Malcolm, not Andrew or Sam we can overlook it rather easily and simply allow her to present the data when she is ready. However in light of certain circumstances we want to push things up a bit." James McCage had wrangled a conference room and sat across from Andrew, Toby and Gus, images of the clinic were displayed on a board and there were notes in between all of them.

Toby studied the man levelly, his time in the navy had taught him to read people and situations, in this one they were all on different levels and one man held the cards. And was dealing them out carefully and slowly, he had to bite his tongue.

"I have cleared a certain amount to begin the remodel on the clinic this week, it may be a nice surprise for Sam to come home to after her time away. Now logistically it will be difficult but as the lab here is shifting Andrew is looking at removing a few sets he will not be using regularly and has offered to see them sent out to the clinic. We need to compile a list of what is necessary for Sam to continue her research more effectively as well as a timeline."

"My understanding is she is just away for the week. Now as to Malcolm's actions I have looked at your briefing as well as spoken to him about it. He has been told to take the next offer made to him or he will be looking. I expect this to be brought to the dean either way as he will be giving him a letter of reference. I know Sam and the staff at the clinic came up with a wish list back when this first started." Attention turned to Gus and Toby watched the younger man struggle with an answer; he knew the feeling.

Things like this didn't happen, people didn't see someone do something kind and decide to help them out; there was a secret here. And it was more than where Sam was. Yet he knew his part. "She really needs a new research vessel, though I think what is really necessary is an expansion to their work area."

"I would like to see the clinic myself, I'm very interested in her work and as I understand I have the people I need to do that." Part of the secret, possibly, Toby watched the man carefully before he answered; this went beyond Sam's research. It went back to that hospital bed, but he didn't think it was the woman who was in it now; not entirely.

"I can do that, it will be about three out, three back if the water is good and we make pace. Day trip either way." Toby knew if he did this he would be running back and forth for the rest of the week, but for Sam it would be worth it.

"I'll need some time to get some equipment together that I am certain would be beneficial to the clinic as well as contact a contractor to come out to help."

"I think I know somebody." He said with a smile, wondering how Sonny would feel about having his son around a few days. "His name is Paul, he has been out to the island before."  
>"I'd like someone to do a walk through and see if we can find any ways of maximizing the space she has. I may not know her well but I do know I don't want to be on the wrong end of her temper if we renovate her space."<p>

Toby snorted and saw Gus duck his head to hide a laugh before responding. "If it makes our job easier and brings us forward a bit I don't think Sam will attack."

"As the venom moves into the trial phases Sam will be looking forward into other possibilities. What will we be next?"

"We are looking at options in Irukandji jelly fish. We have started breeding the stingers to extract venom and look at the exact effects on the body; specifically the nervous system." Gus explained as Andrew finally seemed to jump in; he wondered if the man realized Sam was succeeding in excluding him from her personal life.

"This is in the very early stages of development but as you know of our son's struggle earlier this year and Sam's own battle as a child you can understand her interest though I doubt she will focus solely on the Irukandji syndrome, I know she has also had some success in collecting venom from stone fish this year and I know she will be interested in the properties of it."

"Sam keeps her options open, and if it is in season she is after it; and trying to keep Gus from getting nailed by it."

"Now for storing her specimens, and obviously for breeding; that would be demanding space wise. I have pictures of the lab, where is it located within the clinic?" They all leaned in, Sam's diagram was rough and done by hand and overlaid with notes.

"This wall but it would be easier to show you." Gus tapped the picture, the lab held the back wall of the clinic.

"I think it would, I will need an hour if that is possible?"

Toby nodded, interested to see what was going to happen. "Also the number for the contractor? I will contact him and see if he can be available this week."

"I'll get it for you." The man nodded and stood, collecting his things and working on her phone; the three of them sat in slightly shocked silence. It was Gus who spoke first. "This really is going to happen."

"When James McCage wants something done it will get done, what you don't know is when he talks about the board he represents he doesn't say that he has a controlling interest in some areas. A lot of the money he puts up on projects is his own." Andrew Walsh blew out a sigh and pushed to his feet. "Where exactly is Sam? Because if we do this the last thing we need is her getting back while we have the place torn apart."

"Let us worry about Sam, I happen to be her transportation." And good at getting her to do what he wanted; even if it meant winding her up a bit.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Sam made her way slowly down the hall her body was in protest and her side burned; but she was two doors away. Not to mention she did have a hesitant shadow who was trying hard not to be obvious, she wasn't going to fall on her face now.

She knocked softly on the door and it eased open a bit, revealing Nell and her father in a deep discussion; she started to turn away.

"Sam, come in, you should sit." Laurie Saunders was out of his seat and moved towards her, she let him guide her to sit by Nell's knees.

"You don't look good." Nell stared at her, Sam heard a strangled sound behind her. "I mean seriously, you're really pale."

"I'm okay, how are you feeling?"

"I've been better but I've been worse too." Nell stared at her and Sam reached for her hand; the girl looked like a delicate little doll in the bed with tubes and wires running from her. "Dad is freaked."

"I'm afraid I can understand that, I would be too."

"Like when Jack got hit by the stinger."

"Yes and there was nothing I could do for him, as a parent you always wish you could take your child's pain for them and it is torture to have to watch them go through it." She would never forget that night, and she did know Laurie's pain to well. It had been less than twenty four hours that she watched Jack suffer, Nell had been sick for weeks.

"I just wish he would go away sometimes, he sleeps by my bed, and not just since they cut me up; all last week to. And when the nurses do stuff he fights about whether or not he has to leave." Nell gave her a helpless look, she could understand that a bit.

"He only wants to help Nell in any way he can." She smoothed the girl's hair a bit, Nell's hair and skin felt greasy; and she wondered about something. "Are you cooperating with the nurses?"

Nell gave her a look and Sam didn't need to hear an answer; they thought she was bad. "Sometimes."

"Nell they need to do their job, and it is in your best interest to cooperate."

"I'm not letting my dad or some stranger see me naked! I don't care how gross I get. I am going to go home soon." Nell jutted her chin up but Sam saw that defiance was a defence; a scared girl.

"I hate to tell you Nell but it only gets worse as you grow up. And making yourself miserable won't make them stop offering. It is their job and I think you would be more comfortable."

"Did you?"

"No, but I had a kid and trust me it is worse. And I think I might have mooned Livvy." She was fairly sure she had had on a pair of boxers but seeing Nell laugh was worth it.

"Really?" She nodded. "I can't go home until my blood levels settle out, whatever that means."

"It means two things Nell, you are going to have to be careful from now on, and you will have to take an immunosuppressant now. It is not a strong one but it will keep your body from rejecting the kidney, the way it normally would an infection. But because the medicine is doing that you will be more at risk for getting sick, especially for the next few months but it is important that your body doesn't reject or you will end up back here. And then I'm not sure what we would do, another donor would have to be found. "Second your kidneys help clean your blood, that is why you have been on the mainland for dialysis the past month or so, the doctor has to make sure that the new kidney is doing its job effectively. That may take some time." Sam explained, Nell seemed to listen carefully and her face fell.

"So even if I get Dad to let me come back to the island I can't have my job back at the clinic?" Sam saw a tear in Nell's eye, the poor kid was getting a hard blow for everything. "I really like working there Sam, I just, people are gross sometimes and rude and…."

"Sometimes you are rude right back Nell and difficult." She cupped the girl's cheek, it would be too much of a risk to have the girl at the front desk where everyone came through. "We might be able to find some other jobs for you to do at the clinic but you can't work the front desk."

"What driving people around? Sam I don't want to have a stupid job, I want to help and to be busy." Nell slumped back into the bed a bit.

"I was thinking more typing my reports and answering the radios, maybe giving me due dates. I'd need to sign off on everything and you would need to keep everything you saw absolutely confidential. It wouldn't be patient files but reports for my research, maybe some funding proposals." Sam was thinking on the fly and she didn't want Nell looking at her friend and neighbor's medical records any more than necessary but her research would be alright.

And as grouchy as she could be Nell was a good kid, she was just struggling with who she was. Sam knew the feeling, it was hard enough being a teenager sometimes but to be isolated and have questions about your parents. Nell cared about people even if she tried not to show it, Sam remembered finding her curled up on the porch the night Jack was sick, she shivered; Nell had been sick to but none of them had seen it.

"I'd be your secretary."

"Best I can do."

"Might be fun, it'd be cool if I got to type the report that said you cured cancer or something."

Sam laughed, at least Nell still had a sense of humor. "I think that is a little far in the future but who knows what is possible. We need you back on your feet first."

"Yeah I guess, I'm gonna make my dad bring me back. He still has to work out there." Nell shot her a devilish grin. "It might be too scary for me to be by myself all week while he is out on the island, what if I got really sick again?"

"Don't you torture him. You are doing that enough as it is. We all want you healthy and home, but your dad is going to do what he thinks is best for you." Sam laughed, it was good to hear that Nell wanted to come home, it wouldn't be the same without her.

"I know. You know back when we had to close down the beaches I wanted to come to the mainland, it gets boring on the island when everybody leaves but now. Now all I want is to go home and I'd be okay if I never leave. It is different out there."

"You haven't been feeling well and that might make it a little less fun here. But I do agree there is something special out there and not knowing what it is makes it even better." Sam looked around the room, there was a big flower arrangement on the small cupboard and a few cards scattered around. The door to the bathroom was open and Sam saw that someone had laid out the things to give Nell a bed bath; it would probably make the girl feel a little better.

"Yeah it is." Nell agreed softly, swiping at a dreadlock that was falling into her face, gently Sam tucked it behind her ear; if that hair style could get more tangled than it was to begin with Nell's was.

"Hey, I'm not a stranger and I think you owe me one."

"At least one." Nell agreed.

"I'm going to get some water and a clean gown and wash you up. You will feel better and then the nurses will stop bothering you about it."

"I don't want you to see me naked either!"

"Hey Nell I've got the same parts not to mention being a doctor nudity stops bothering you, I only look if you ask or I notice something that could be a real concern. It won't be as bad as you think." She wished she had noticed more concerning this teen, but the past couldn't be undone.

She filled the basin with warm water and took several cloths from the stack and made a couple trips to the bed, Nell gave her puppy dog eyes still hoping to get out of it. Sam winced as she picked up the basin, it was too heavy and she felt her side burn but she only had to carry it a short ways.

Sitting on the bed next to Nell she folded the sheets down and took a cloth and scrubbed the girl's face until she protested; the way she used to do to Jack when he was little. She smiled as the girl's hands came up to push her back.

"You don't need to take off a layer of skin."

Sam handed her a towel. "Feel better?"

"Maybe."

She just smiled and helped the girl wash, being careful around healing IV sites and the dressing on the girl's front. She got a clean gown and a pair of panties to help the girl into, Nell blushed furiously but kept her mouth shut. Guiding Nell's cheek to her shoulder she reached around to tie the gown.

"Better?" Sam hugged her gently and moved her back.

"Yeah."

"What do you do with this mess?" She tugged gently at a twisted dark brown lock.

"I don't even feel like it, usually its fun but I think I might just cut it all off when I get out of here." Nell sighed, and shoved a few of the offending locks behind her shoulder.

"I think you would miss it if you did that. How about I try?" Sam wasn't sure what to do with them but she knew better than to try and brush it.

"You know how to do a messy bun?"

"Nope. Only my version."

"I might have to cut them off."

"Hey now. Cheek on my shoulder." Sam started combing her fingers through carefully untangling the dreadlocks from each other and deciding that a braid might be the easiest thing to try. It was hard to do it backwards and upside down but she wasn't disappointed with the results and all of Nell's hair was untangled and out of her face. "I don't think you will have to cut them because of me."

"Sam, how come they cut you more than once? I, you just have a big dressing on your back too."

She was surprised and pulled back from Nell, then realized she was wearing the damn gown and it probably wasn't closed in the back all the way. "It is easier to remove my kidney from my side rather than my front, there are a few little spots because of the tools they needed to use. It's not too bad."

"Oh." Nell was quiet for a moment and Sam shifted to sit beside her rather than across from her. "It's gonna be an ugly scar."

"No calling me ugly."

"I wasn't." Nell protested, looking a little upset. "I just, you…. You don't have to have the scar."

"Yeah Nell I do." The girl shook her head and Sam took her hand, squeezing it tightly. "I need to have the scar just as much as you do. Trust me."

"But you aren't sick and you weren't it's not like you had to…"

"I had to Nell and I'd do it again just the same if we went back."

"It's your kidney."

"No Nell, I've got my kidney and it's all I need. I can live just as well with one and so can you. We don't need to debate it and honestly I don't need to hear any more about it. But since you feel that way you are going to put up with me for the rest of your life, and I if I try to poke at you, you are just going to have to deal with it. In fact now neither of us have a choice in it because you had better out live me by twenty years or so."

Nell laughed and Sam wrapped an arm around her. "If we are never going to talk about it again can I just say thanks? Only once I promise but..."

She smiled and leaned down, kissing Nell's forehead gently. "It's time you get better and get back to terrorizing my clinic."

"Livvy is probably happy without me there; you know she fired me three days in a row?"

"I know. But I also know she is not happy, we all miss you, but when we get you back maybe you can direct your snarkiness at the local wildlife rather than our patients if you have to have any contact with them?"

"Or Jack."

"Or Jack." She agreed, Nell was good for Jack, she was good for all of them. "And Toby, it might be good for him."

"What about that guy from the university you didn't like? If I'm typing your notes and being your secretary I can…"

"Not Andrew or James, don't lose me the funding Nell. Well maybe Andrew sometimes…" The man could drive her crazy, she might just put him on chat with Nell; if it wasn't overly important.

"Okay but if you don't like them."

"I have to deal with people I don't like sometimes and so do you. That includes nurses."

"I know." Nell rolled her eyes. "How long before they let me get up do you think?"

"When they think you're strong enough. The last thing you need to do is fall down. I don't think it will be too long, they might want you to take it slow though."

"You walked down here."

"That might not have been the suggestion made; but Livvy wasn't guarding the door so I took my chance."

"Good patient aren't you Sam?" Nell grinned and poked her side, thankfully the one that hadn't been cut. "Where's your IV?"

"On that I have a good excuse, there is a student on this floor who needs practice on people who don't get upset by needles and blood. I am a perfect candidate, it is a learning experience for her."

"Livvy approved?"

"Livvy only gets so much say."

"I bet tomorrow she ties you to the bed when she finds out you left the room today."

"She can't, I am supposed to be up and taking short regular walks to build up my strength. They did that last night." It was good to make light of it, right now that was all either of them needed, and seeing Nell in good spirits made her feel better. "Anyways, if I am nice enough to the nurses I can get her overruled."

"Diplomacy isn't your strength." Nell quoted something Livvy said to her regularly.

"I get by."

"You make jail breaks when your guard isn't on the door."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Toby waited patiently for everyone to board the boat, there was nervous tension all around. Gus had convinced a hesitant Livvy to leave Sam to rest and come with them. He knew what would work for the lab but she would know what would work for the clinic; as well as the wish list.

James McCage was last to arrive at the marina and they helped him load a number of boxes onto the deck, he could tell that it took all Gus's will not to ask what was in them. The man was excited to show off the work he did with Sam and no one could blame him. Andrew stood in the wheel house at his shoulder as they cut through smooth water out of the marina and into open water.

They had made a similar trip in much worse conditions just two months ago, both with a fear heavy on their minds. Now it was a much lighter trip, but he still found it awkward to stand beside Sam's ex, a part of him disliked the man on principle. But he knew Sam cared for him, as a friend and as Jack's father; but she was keeping him out of a big part of her life.

His thoughts caught on something though, Jack, he swallowed hard. "Livvy!"

She was standing out on deck with McCage and Gus, but it was too late a blonde head poked out of the hatch and ask. "Where are we going?"

"I forgot about Jack." He winced as he said it, this complicated everything, and father and son were staring at each other.

Jack had spent the night with his mum and come back to the boat to sleep, Toby hadn't been planning to leave the marina until he ended up in the conversation with Gus, Andrew and McCage. Now though it was too late to turn around and he glanced back to see everyone staring at Jack.

"I thought you went with your mum." Andrew seemed shocked and Jack hauled himself up and closed the hatch, looking between all of them; as if for help.

"Mum isn't on the island right now, or a trip." Jack's voice was soft and they all felt his discomfort, this wasn't a conversation that should be had publicly.

Toby was a bit relieved that Andrew seemed to pick up on that and moved his son towards the back of the boat as everyone else crowded into the wheelhouse. Gus stood next to him, and kept glancing back, Toby avoided it; he should have told them to go below deck.

"This could be bad." Gus winced and suddenly his gaze was forward, he had probably been spotted. "She told him she was going to be away right?"

"I think she left the where and what for him to determine for himself. Sam in the hospital on the mainland isn't going to be anybody's first guess." Toby kept his eyes strictly forward, he wasn't going to look back or get involved unless asked.

The boat was very quiet for most of the trip after that, Jack and his father stayed near the back talking to each other while the wheelhouse sat in a tense silence. As they pulled up beside Sam's research vessel Gus pointed it out to McCage and he smirked at the response. Their little clinic did some impressive work for the equipment they had and he knew that if Sam got her hands on the things she needed the sky way the limit. He only hoped that her health as well as Nell's would allow it.

Somehow he knew Sam felt responsible for Nell's illness, even though she hadn't contributed to it in any way. He wasn't exactly clear on how it all started but he did know once Sam found out she was a match the woman was as determined to help the girl as she was to keep her father's clinic; both of which were uphill battles. Coming home to the clinic renovated and given some basic fix ups would be a reward she deserved.

It was good to see someone else finally seeing what they got to see living as her neighbors and being patients; even unwillingly. She could be a dog with a bone whether after what was making a person sick or chasing some creepy crawling that was 'in season'. Then she was as happy in the water as on land and her appearance was one of the things that seemed to concern her least; the exact opposite of her ex-husband. Other than Uni he wasn't sure what the two of them had in common.

As they walked up towards the clinic Andrew fell in step beside him. "I take it I am the last to know about Sam?"

"Secrets don't last long on an island this small." It was all he had, it was Sam's life and her choice, he felt he knew her well enough to know there was a reason she had tried to keep Andrew out of this; he just didn't know what it was.

"Right." Andrew muttered as they trudged up towards the clinic, Toby watched McCage look around with interest; he wondered if the man had ever visited an island without a resort. He didn't seem the backpacker type.

He hung out in the waiting area as the rest of the group moved to look around, Rick and Freya seemed surprised. But he knew this was Livvy's turf and listened as she explained what was going on and how Rick was to help with the clinic and Freya was a student who had returned in the short term to help out while Sam was away.

Rick came to join him as Livvy showed them the small clinic areas and let Gus lead the way to the lab.

"That's the guy funding Sam's project?"

He nodded, knowing Rick the guy probably knew him from his daddy's sportsman's club or something. The young doctor had a tendency to brush shoulders with a variety of characters.

"He's got money."

"Andrew said that much, what's his agenda?"

"Who says he has one? He has made his career with the research board his father founded, made good investments and inherited his parent's money. As far as anybody knows he puts it right back into the research the organization funds." Rick explained what was probably the PC version of the big shot's life.

"Everybody has an agenda."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

It was a long day, he was torn between being worried and excited. He should have been on the mainland with his mum, Toby or Livvy should have woken him up and asked what he wanted to do but Jack also understood what had happened. It was excited, actually it was incredible that someone would want to renovate the clinic but not only that do it as a surprise for mum; and have the push to make it happen.

He also knew that his father was watching him, watching to see how he reacted and what he was going to add. But he wasn't going to do any of it, he stayed close to Gus and listened as they made plans for the contractor coming out in the morning. He knew there was a long talk coming as soon as a few people cleared out.

Toby was planning to take McCage back tonight but everyone else had agreed to stay and help with cleaning things out so that renovations could begin as soon as possible. Dad, and James had made some decision about mum's office that they were going to knock out part of a wall or something and everything had to be cleared out.

A lot of ideas were being thrown around and it had been mentioned that it would be nice if there was more time. On that he disagreed, mum should be included on this, some of it would be a good surprise but it was still her work area; she should make the calls.

Jack just didn't like going through her things, it was like if he did laundry and found her panties. She almost always pulled out her underwear and did them herself, same with her swim suits, it wasn't something they ever discussed it was just her stuff and his. Her office was hers and now everyone was pawing through it and moving things around.

At least Livvy and Gus knew his mum well enough to keep things together but he didn't like how his dad opened and read files marked research and shuffled through books. Mum often pressed flowers, or occasionally butterflies in the pages, he saw more than a few fall out and get placed back in; they wouldn't be the same.

It wasn't their right to look through her stuff, and his dad had more than given up that right when he left them; even if he was trying now. Jack wasn't completely ready to let it go and he wasn't happy to have had to explain to him where mum was and why. But he did and now he worked quietly near Toby stacking boxes into surgery, about the only room they actually wanted to leave alone.

"It is going to be okay mate, it is tough right now but this is a good thing. She needs more space and you and I both know a coat of paint would do the whole place good."

"She should be here for this. It should be her decision, doesn't matter if dad is with the university or not. She works here every day, and anyways she might not want us pawing through her stuff." Jack handed him a box to set against the wall.

"She wants this reno and if we wait for her to be here what is going to happen? Are you going to be the one to hold her down while everybody else works?" The man glanced back at him and Jack felt himself bristle.

Toby was interested in his mum whether he would openly admit it or not, he had seen them kiss a few times but as far as he knew it hadn't moved beyond that. Jack wasn't sure it should, Toby had already proved he had no problem messing around in dodgy things. His mum didn't need to get hurt again.

But at the same time he knew the motor for mum's research vessel had been more than she gave him to spend, but the man knew she needed it and took care of it. And he said he had put treasure hunting behind him, Jack had seen him taking a lot more back packers out in the past few weeks so he hoped it was true.

Really Toby was more like his mum than his dad was, the man might be ex-navy but he didn't mind if things weren't in perfect order and he had noticed where the man looked when mum was roughed up from hiking or snake hunting. They might work but he was leery of seeing her hurt again, and Toby didn't have a great track record.

"Dad is looking through her books and stuff."

"He is packing the stuff up." Toby walked away, only to come back after taking another box from Gus who was working on unloading the lab as much as possible. Jack had a feeling the snakes were all going to end up back at Gus' for the next few days, along with any other creepy crawlers in the tanks.

"He could do it without messing with her stuff."

"We get it all moved out and the renos done and then she can sort through things and tell us where to put them. Jack it needs to be done."

"I just wish she was here."

"I know mate. Let's get it done then I'll get the hot shot out of here for the night." Toby patted his back as he went for another box.

Jack trudged after him and took a box from Livvy who was working on emptying reception. She loaded a second box on top of the first. "Can you make sure all of these go together?"

"Sure." He set them on top of the cabinet that had been shoved to the back, nothing else would need to go on top of it. Glancing back he saw Toby backing into the room. "Does Sonny have anything to start a bonfire?"

"Doubt it, I about cleaned him out. You'll have to wait on that." Toby had one end of the desk and Gus had the other as the slowly navigated into the room and set it against the exam table. "Give me a hand with this book case."

It was several more hours of moving things around as the main rooms of the clinic were emptied out. It made sense to start with the lab and the office as the foundation was really interested in the research more than the clinic side. But he overheard bits of several conversations about new equipment.

The main question seemed to be more space that came from both James McCage and his dad, both of whom were used to the mainland labs, and state of the art research facilities. A bit more space might help but Jack had a feeling if they made the place to big it would just feel clinical and sterile.

It was a small clinic and all around were signs of the people who made it what it was. Pictures from kids Livvy and mum treated were tacked to the wall and front of the desk. The beat up radio that served them well and often sent someone running to the truck to get ready for a patient coming in off the water.

Jack knew they had only lived here a couple years, and it had been hard at first, especially when Granddad wasn't here anymore; but this was home. For him and his mum, at first he had thought about leaving for Uni and not coming back. Now he was thinking he might follow his mum's path, and find a way to go into research; but not as a doctor.

He didn't think he could do that, but he could help collect specimens and he found the defense mechanisms meant to kill and made to help interesting. It was something he could study, and it was a way he could stay close to his mum.

Seeing her in that hospital bed, when she didn't have to be; it made him feel sick. But first it had made him afraid and he didn't like to think of what could have happened if she hadn't made the choice she did. Jack was glad it was over, and that this was moving forward.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Being left alone for the day was a good thing, Toby had been here for a few minutes this morning but had left fairly early. Sam was okay with that, Jack had gone home for the night and Toby promised he would see that homework was on the agenda. She didn't have too much confidence in Toby's proficiency at earth sciences but all Jack really needed was to be sat in front of his computer.

It also meant he wasn't watching her whimper after the simple feat of walking the hall a few times. It was horrible to have her side aching after simple tasks, though if she actually tried to do anything it burned and warned her to put up with the ache. Sam lowered herself onto the bed again and leaned back to take a few deep breaths.

She knew she couldn't push it too much but she needed to do a little bit, yesterday she had gone to see Nell and then for one other walk, today she had been up and down the length of the hall four times; any other time she wouldn't have even noticed doing it. Now she needed to sit and stay still, glaring at her IV pole as she debated hooking it back up for a little relief; but the drugs made her feel heavy and want to sleep.

It probably had something to do with the fact she hated taking pills of any kind, her body wasn't used to even mild pain killers, a bit or morphine and she was flat. Whereas some people developed dependence on it and a dose that would drop her wouldn't even take an edge off their craving. Drugs were funny that way, everyone's tolerance was different.

The human body was a strange thing but it was made to interact so closely with nature, the world was meant to work together. Snakes had venom that could kill but if used in conjunction with different additives it could save life nearly as fast as it could end it. She loved seeing how nature interacted with humans who pushed so far from it.

A soft knock pulled her from her thoughts, Sam tucked the blankets around her sides as the door opened. The surgeon stepped in followed by who she could already guess was another doctor; sometimes it was too easy to tell.

"Sam, how are you feeling?" Her surgeon asked, Elena Renete was part of the transplant team at the University Hospital but Sam knew she had first been an exceptional oncologist, suddenly the woman had changed specialties and taken on a new specialty that she was just as good at.

"I've been better, but I am getting there." She felt a little hesitant to talk too much until she placed the other woman, Sam had a feeling it was a colleague but she wasn't sure what this was about; both women seemed tense.

"That is good, your blood levels are looking normal this morning so I can sign off on your release tomorrow."

"You can sign off on it? But will you?" Sam could hear the hesitation in her voice, she wasn't going to like what was coming; she could feel it.

"Sam this is Megan Desardjen, Nell's doctor, she didn't perform the procedure but she has some experience treating the condition that Nell is dealing with and we may need to consider working together. I'll be honest with you this is a rare condition, I've never dealt with it before and while I couldn't have asked for a transplant to have gone better…"

"We didn't get the results we were hoping for." The brunette leaned in and Sam felt her spine stiffen.

"It is too soon for her to be rejecting, at least for you to be sure she is." The words were hollow, there were a multitude of complications that could be presenting and she stopped herself.

"We see a case like Nell a few times a year, if that. It is a mitochondrial disorder passed from mother to daughter and basically at some point the body begins to reject the blood; the body refuses to use it. Renal failure is the first step, the body can't clean the blood properly." Megan Desardjen began to explain and Sam glanced at Elena.

"Sam knows that Elena, we, we have a problem, we were hoping that with mild immunosuppression Nell would begin to bounce back. The organ is trying, there has been a definite improvement in her blood work but we are seeing a new concern." Elena cut in, offering her a report and Sam felt her heart clench.

She looked at the stats, levels of waste in Nell's blood was still too high but so were a number of other notable factors. "Her body is attacking its self."

Two heads nodded and she looked at her IV pole, shifting and feeling her side register the movement; a lot of good that did. "There are a couple of options, one of which we are trying as of this morning, a stronger dose of immune suppressants may take care of it."

"Not likely." Not to mention it was no way to live, immunosuppressants were nasty and multiplied the risk of serious infection; a cold could lead to a life threatening illness.

"There are two other options, both are experimental, and I've never used either but there have been a few success stories. We don't have a great deal to work with, Nell is young and while she has been hit hard usually it is harder to find someone who we can work with. I won't lie I'm not asking something pleasant." The woman glanced over to table at her bag, Sam kept it packed; she wanted out as soon as possible.

Yet she couldn't walk away. "She has been hit hard but this, this isn't as bad as it will get."

"It is early, I can't confirm it yet but I want to prepare for what is coming; what came last time. I'll give you this, she has gotten farther than a number do. We take a chance on transplant, in past it has worked sometimes, other times it doesn't; that is why this has been tried." A folder was passed over and Sam opened it and began to read silently.

The room was completely silent as she read, her stomach getting tighter as she went. If she went this route she was going to be away from the clinic and her study longer than she planned, longer than Freya's vacation which she had given up to come back and help out. But if Livvy stayed back than Rick had some support, and Jack could go to stay with Andrew.

She just didn't like the idea of any of it and yet she understood how it could work, Sam kept her shoulders straight as she closed the file and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Why use an experimental immunosuppressant?"

"Because of how it breaks down in the blood, it can be given intravenously but breaks down slowly, it takes a long time to become effective and going that route we need that. I also don't want to factor first pass metabolism and draw blood to test levels. We test in urine, we don't add any more risk than necessary." Nell's doctor spoke calmly, clearly ready with the answer.

"You can't order this treatment yet. Because her blood levels aren't high enough or because of the risks? She needs to get sicker?" Sam cut herself short, realizing where she was going. "I am sorry I work in research, and this, it is experimental but the case studies show strong recoveries and both are no longer needing immunosuppression because of the adaptation of the body. Why wasn't this first?"

"That is partially my fault." Elena spoke, easing forward and Sam thought it almost seemed as if she was trying to get between them as Megan Desjarden pulled back; she'd hit a nerve. "Nell was placed on the transplant list, you were tested and proved a match quickly and were not only willing but understood the risks and we've spoken about it multiple times and you express no hesitations. At some point, whether we went experimental or not we had to face the fact that Nell's kidneys were going to give out. I am your doctor, I understand that you want to look out for yourself and you know what is going on. Either way Nell needed a kidney, I've done a lot of kidney transplants but I have never looked a procedure like this."

"And with your history and the compromise of interest Nell and I each have to have a doctor." Sam finished, it made sense and yet she was bristling. This was supposed to be over, she should be looking forward to going home, not another week or more in hospital; and certainly not with more risk.

Her doctor nodded, scrubbing a hand over her face before tugging at the ponytail keeping long red hair out of her face. "Exactly, there are no specialists for this and not a lot of people are doing it; they don't have to. I have worked oncology, I have dealt with immunosuppression, and all the risks that go with it. Not to mention I can put up with you. Sam I won't lie, and I know you are already processing the risks. You have done more than you had to already, if you don't want to do this there is no one on earth who would…"

"I just need to think, and I need to read through it again." Sam cut her off, she needed to think and she needed to do it alone; because she actually was feeling a little nauseous.

"I understand, look you have my number, any time you are ready to talk about it; please. And I wanted you to meet Megan, even if she is going to be looking after Nell's end of it, she knows more about this than I do." Her doctor stood and touched her shoulder.

"I handled a case in Sydney, it was very similar."

"Your result?"

"I lost my patient, the donor chose to back out half way through."

Sam nodded and watched them leave before opening the file again to read it more carefully. She felt a little sick, and it wasn't because she wanted to walk away but because she looked at the chances. Then none survived this without intervention, three of five who got a donor made a full recovery and even then they were looking at serious treatment for the rest of their lives. The few who were included in this case study through, who received the full treatment, had done well.

There would be follow up treatment, but that was not any option in something like this and as long as Nell was able to come home it was simple. She could draw her own blood if she needed to but she knew Livvy would insist on doing it for her, and if she understood correctly it didn't even need to be processed after a certain point.

Sam slumped backwards, another week in hospital, but not only that; she would be completely out of it. And then she would be weak and sore, recovery was going to take even longer. Slowly she got back up and went over to her bag, sliding a beat up photo out.

Taken a few months after they moved back out Nell stood next to Jack, both in swim suits perched high on the rocks out in the shallows of north shore. She remembered being so relieved that there was another teen living out there full time and that they got on so easily from the start. There was nearly a sibling rivalry between them and with Laurie gone so much Nell quickly became a part of their house hold.

Hope Island had been a strong hold for her just after her divorce, she had struggled with taking her son off the main land, and afraid it was a selfish choice. And yet Jack wanted to be with her, even knowing where it would be; that was a thrill she would never forget. Even if she wanted Jack to be close to his father, Sam wanted to be close to him more; she wanted to make the right choices for her son.

She knew Laurie Saunders wanted to make the right choices for his daughter, disease was never a choice and while sometimes it was a consequence; it was also an undeserved tragedy. Taking Jack out to Hope Island had been the right choice, it had let him understand what his granddad loved and what she loved but it had also introduced him to nature. To the beauty that so many chose not to live in, no matter where he went in life he would never forget it; Nell deserved the same chance. And that meant she had to put her fears behind her.

Sam sat slowly back on the bed and spread the pages out in front her, setting the photo in the middle of them, it was time to look at it clinically. She had to separate herself from the procedure and decide the route she wanted to go, then she would hear Elena out; and when the time came it would happen.

In theory it was simple, in her head it took on a world of its own. She knew her body reacted strongly to drugs and that meant the nice little list of potential side effects; she had better start bracing for them. It would take roughly twenty four hours to get her body into the proper state, she would have to remain in it for a certain period of time, long enough for several large blood collections; the main risk she faced beyond drug complications.

That would hit her body hard enough but would not be the end, she wouldn't receive a transfusion unless she went into life threatening shock. Instead she would receive fluids and be kept comfortable for her body to take care of it. Then after she was off the suppression medications her bone marrow would be taken, processed accordingly and given to Nell intravenously.

To be effective the first round would have to be hard hitting, and as Nell's body was basically rejecting parts of itself but not her organ there was a chance in going forward that the girl wouldn't be tied to a pill to keep her body from turning against tissue that was meant to help. She had to get past the time in hospital, and the fact that there would be side effects; every drug had some side effect. Sam told herself that and put it away, she knew her choice and in the morning she would talk to both doctors. First she wanted to go for another walk.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Toby was tired by the time he left McCage and the contractors at the docks and walked up to the hospital. Jack hadn't been happy about staying out on the island with his dad and while he didn't blame him he did know those two needed to talk.

He wanted to talk to Sam, he knew she would still be up, the challenge might be finding her; especially when she was getting ready to leave. Toby had promised her yesterday that he would come and check if she had gotten a time to leave yet. If she had she was going to be pacing like a caged cat.

Not that anyone would blame her, he had been spending to much time here as well, he liked being out on the island; it was simpler. Still Sam needed to heal and the more time she was away from the island, the more time they had to get the reno done.

She was going to recognize the outside of the building but that was about it with the way they were going. Her office was the main focus right now, he was doing his best to stay out of it and had spent the day helping with putting on a new roof and painting the outside walls and veranda. Livvy was trying to run the show on the reno while Gus drove Rick and Freya out to other islands for house calls.

Jack was underfoot, more or less where ever his father was and trying to keep the man out of things. He wasn't sure exactly what that was about, for a long time Andrew had lived with Sam, it had been three years they had been apart and Sam wasn't the type for getting a lot of stuff; he had probably seen most of it long ago. But it was bothering Jack and there was a silent storm brewing; he didn't want Sam there when it hit.

He pushed the door to the room open, expecting to find it empty but instead found Sam sitting cross legged on the bed; she didn't look good. This time though it wasn't even a little funny, he had seen her furious and ready to kill, he knew how to make her throw something but he had never seen her look like this. Sidling closer he saw she was looking at a picture of Jack and Nell.

"Hey, they letting you go home in the morning?" He sat beside her, already sure of the answer.

"No, I can't go home tomorrow. I'm not going to be going home for a while." Her hand swiped at her face and he sighed, he had the feeling it wasn't just because she wouldn't rest.

"Are you okay with that?"

"With that, yes, I can deal with that." Sam straightened her shoulders and Toby moved to the bed, pulling her into his shoulder. Sam wasn't okay.

"What is going on?"

"Nell has a rare condition and there isn't a doctor on the planet who has seen enough cases of it to be called an expert, and patients don't get donors so methods aren't tried or are stopped part way through. So everything that there is to go off of is experimental, it might work, or it might just buy her a little time…" Sam's cheek rested against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and rubbing her back.

"You know you can say you are afraid Sam." He was already feeling it a bit himself, but mostly because he didn't know what was going on.

"It's not that, and thanks for not saying I don't have to do this, don't have to do any of it; I am so sick of hearing that. I feel wrong, I don't want to be afraid of something because it is new, that is my work, my research is new and I need people willing to trial it."

"Sam, anyone else would have been afraid to be cut on, you weren't. Your thing is drugs, your work is to make them more natural." He tipped her chin up, his thumb resting against the slight dent there, she was upset and tired and hadn't had a proper shower in days. But she was still beautiful, and strong, someone needed to finally be strong for her. "Are you afraid of letting go of control?"

"I don't want to embarrass myself, morphine makes me feel stupid and anything they give me for this will be stronger. The main drug isn't used much because of the side effects but it works and the break down is different than most which works for this process."

"Sam I don't need the Latin." He let his hand slide of her cheek and into her hair, tucking it behind her ear. He really didn't and the longer he let her go the more technical she would get. "You aren't going to embarrass yourself hopped up on drugs when I know what crazy stunts you do without chemical help. I'll be here, and I'll stay here until I can bring you and Nell both home."

He swallowed hard as a tear leaked down her cheek, she deserved better than this. Toby wished he could pull her out of this now, take her home and let her see her clinic, let her go back to work and be near her son. But that wasn't any of what she needed to hear.

"I'm sorry Toby, I just, I was ready to go home and then…" Sam shook her head. "I wish I was told this

before we did the transplant."

"You would have done things differently?" Sam had good instincts, and he knew she was processing all of this for herself, she had been since the beginning. No one was going to tell her what was going on with her body, nobody could; he liked that about her.

"I would have done it over a longer period of time, marrow and blood can be stored; an organ cant.

Now it has to happen, if my body doesn't cooperate then they will stop it whether it is done or not. If the side effects become too severe it will stop and when I've already been knocked back it will hit harder. I would have sorted this before the transplant and had it ready to go, then if the transplant worked it could be donated to whoever was waiting with the same blood type or kept in case Nell developed issues."

"How big are the risks for this? For you? Nell is sick, any chance she gets she needs. I want to know about you." He needed to know if he should bring Jack over, or if it would be best to keep him busy until Sam was on the mend and ready to come home; he needed to know if he should be afraid for her.

"The immunosuppression is not going to be fun, but I will manage that, there is no guarantee with the side effects, but I will probably have to deal with some of them. I don't know the exact amounts for the blood transfusions but that is the real risk. A person can survive without good deal of their blood volume, and this is going to be done safely and monitored; I just don't know the exact calculations. I guess it is a good thing Nell is smaller than me." Sam seemed to calm down a bit as she got into her explanation and he watched her, she was thinking it through; he wondered how many times she had already gone through it.

"You are already small enough Sam. Do you want me to find Jack so you can talk it over with him too?" He saw her freeze and he knew the look, she probably wouldn't have told him as much if he hadn't caught her now. "Don't shut your son out."

"I don't want him to see me like this, I don't want anyone to see me like this." Sam shivered and he rubbed her shoulder.

"Sam, we want to help you."

"It might be good if he spent the week with his dad, I'll have to tell Andrew what is going on now. I am going to be away for another week."

"Sam he already knows, he and Jack ran into each other." He watched it register on her face and almost wished she would get mad.

"I guess that is easily sorted then." She looked away but he saw her hand closing into a fist around the sheets. "This is just perfect."

"Sam it will work out. As soon as you are ready to go I will take you home and we won't bring you back to the island for a few months." He didn't know what to say to her, and yet he knew he needed to talk; when he didn't she only got more agitated with him. Silence was easier in so many ways, but getting her mad right now wouldn't help.

"Thanks Toby." He watched as she rolled her shoulders and leaned back, her hand rested on his leg; her smile faltered. He was afraid, he was afraid to see her hurting; but he could not walk away.

"I'll be outside Sam." Toby excused himself, he needed to make some arrangements for the morning.

He wandered down the hall to a waiting area where phones were allowed, not that those signs actually meant anything to anybody, and called the backpackers. It took two tries before Sonny picked up and he explained that Sam would be remaining in the hospital another week, his friend put him on with Jack and he felt sick as he explained that Sam wanted him to remain on the island.

Finally back on with Sonny he told the man that he wouldn't need his boat, and if he wanted to run people back and forth he would have to get it in the morning. He absolutely hated the idea of letting someone else drive his boat, yet there were few people he would trust with it; Sonny was one of them. Another was in a hospital bed and right now she needed him.

Toby knew he wasn't going to enjoy being stuck at the hospital any more than Sam was, but he wouldn't leave her to be afraid either. There was no choice here, she had a special place in his heart and he understood where she stood.

It was between her son and her love for him and a sense of duty that she had felt when she made a choice very young. Sam ran her life by a set of rules you had to look very hard to see, but she had her morals and was set in her ways. Family was first in its own way, but it wasn't just blood, whether she said it or not Nell was family to Sam; as were Livvy and Gus.

Her work was important to her to, but more so her oath, she lived her life in a way to put others first, her research wasn't for her, or her father; it was for people who needed a shot. People who needed someone to believe, to believe that there is a cure to be found and that they will hunt for as long as they walk this earth. Just as she fought for any patient she had, whether they wanted her help or not, she fought for the life she had built herself.

Sam didn't let people see her vulnerable, she didn't let them see her lose control. The first time Toby had seen her shake was when Jack ran into a stinger and then today. She didn't give a damn about her appearance, or her housekeeping and it was better for all if she didn't cook. But her spirit was something else, it was easy to watch her move and live without even realizing the woman behind it was still searching for her footing.

The door opened and he straightened, hopefully Sam had a timeline, letting her set a new goal for getting home might cheer her up a bit.

"Toby, right?" He fidgeted slightly, he didn't like the look on this woman's face.

"Yes."

"I'd like to speak with you a moment, Sam says you are staying with her. I will clear it with the nurses but you need to be aware of a few things." The woman gestured towards the waiting area he had just left; Toby swallowed.

"Look I've dealt with patients who are struggling with fear for my entire career, every doctor does. Some of them have very real reasons to be afraid, many do. I've been meeting with Sam for over a month preparing for the transplant, she never expressed any fear of it." The doctor looked at him and then at the file in her hands, it was probably information on Sam that Sam would love to destroy in any other circumstance. But she was right, Toby knew that much.

"She doesn't like the drugs, giving up control of herself. Or being away from her son and clinic this long." He explained, knowing it was all true but there might be something more.

"In this case no one would blame her, this drug cocktail is known for having nasty side effects that is one of the reasons it is not used very often. Sam may experience a host of side effects from nausea right through to hallucinations, I've spoken with her about sedation for the procedure but she doesn't want to go that route first off." The doctor explained and he nodded.

"She will be very weak after the procedure, it will take roughly a week but once the immunosuppressant clears her blood stream we will look at sending her home. I believe she will recover best at home, but it is likely going to be a slow recovery. She will have to stay on bed rest, and do nothing to strain herself."

That would go over very well Toby thought, send Sam back to a renovated clinic and people who hadn't seen her for two weeks while telling her to stay in bed. The payoff had better be worth the price. "And Nell? How long to know whether or not this will work?"

"That I can say we will know before we are done with Sam, if she responds to this treatment and Sam can finish it we should be sitting very well. This is experimental, I've said it and I have to keep saying it, but the success rate when the procedure is completed has been very good."

"Not a lot of cases, guess it is good to have some hope."

"The bigger problem is not a lot of donors willing to go this far, not many people would be tested against their child's friend, even fewer would consider this procedure afterwards. We all want to see both Sam and Nell pull through this and we are going to do everything we can to help them."

Toby nodded and eased back.

"We may need to make the call to sedate her at some point, she won't like it but I am going to do what will keep her comfortable and her getting rest is important. I have spoken to Sam about something else, there is a nursing student, Kaile, who needs some experience and Sam has agreed to allow her over see her care. A qualified nurse will verify everything before anything is done but it is good experience for a student to get."

"Sam would agree." He smiled a little and wondered if Sam saw something else in the girl, she was good at reading people; and needed another nurse for her clinic. It would be good if she got something positive out of her hospital stay; other than what she was going to go home to. "When does this start?"

"Likely sometime tomorrow, a few things need to be prepared for Nell ahead of time and then we can prep Sam. I'll be back in the morning with a better time frame."

He nodded and finally moved away, the woman had better places to be and so did he. Toby slid back into the hospital room and found Sam's bed empty, the small bathroom door was closed though. Toby dropped into the chair after a moment to wait for Sam.

A moment later she appeared from the bathroom, he could tell she had washed her face and tucked her hair into a clip; a few bits were already breaking free. She looked small and tired in the gown that didn't fit her right and Toby tried to think back to the night he had to drive her back out to the island in the tiny form fitting black dress; he would love to see her in that again.

"You spoke to Elena?"

He nodded as she sat on the bed, he did notice the IV pole had been moved away from the bed and there was no longer a bag or line attached to it. He wondered whether Sam had done it or if she had to be 'clean' so to speak for the procedure.

"You don't have to stay tonight, I'm okay."

He shook his head and leaned close, reaching out to tilt her chin towards him; kissing her gently. "I don't kiss and run Sam, I'm not going anywhere."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

He glared at the phone, he wanted to argue and yet there was no point in doing it here and now. Sonny reached for the phone and he let it go, turning and leaving; he needed to get away from everyone. He started hiking, away from the main beach and clinic, uphill and into the bush.

It was a hard hike and when he finally sat at the base of the rocks he was exhausted and his muscles ached; he needed that. He needed to be away from everything, and what life really was right now. His mum didn't want him with her now and he wanted to be there, he wanted to prove to her that he could be there for her; he should have been the first time she asked. Now she had Toby.

She wanted him to be there for her, and Jack wanted to take his place. He had thought she would be home tomorrow, he had pulled an all-nighter with Gus to help put the office back together so he could help outside during the day. Now they had an extra week to work, which was great for the clinic; not for him.

His dad would insist on staying, on pawing through their things, and their home; it wasn't his anymore. Jack wanted to yell it at him, he had tried to make him sleep on the couch but that had failed, so his father slept in his mum's room. It was wrong even when she wasn't there, he didn't like it; especially after Gillian.

Still he would do what she asked, he would stay out here, he would finish the earth sciences paper and keep up with school; but he would also help with the clinic remodel. Paul, Sonny's son was the contractor McCage had hired and he was more than happy to help; more time meant more work. Jack didn't think it would take long for more plans to be approved, the inside was already hardly recognizable. Nearly everyone from the island had come to help in some way.

"Hey!" Jack groaned and sat up, he knew the voice but if he wasn't visible now he wasn't going to show himself.

No such luck, he dad was making the hike up to him, Jack just watched him come and then looked out over his head; he used to sit here with mum when they first moved out. She liked it up here, it was on the way to where she hunted jumping spiders.

"You took off pretty fast." His father dropped down beside him, breathing hard. "That's quite a hike."

"I like it up here."

"I can see why. You know your mum does to? She brought me here years ago, before we were married." He glanced over, it was hard to picture his parents happy now, and now it was also hard to remember when they were happy; he had finally seen his mum happy.

"Granddad came up here hunting spiders, so does she."

"I think the colony is a bit farther on isn't it?"

Jack nodded, he must have been up here more than once to know that, maybe at one time they had been close. Now they seemed so far apart, he was always in a suit or something dressy and mum liked shorts and bouncing around in the Ute. Mum was hands on and dad specialized in budgets, paperwork and getting funding for projects.

"Jack I know that this is hard, your mum is making choices no one should have to make, but in this case she does need to make them. And I know she is probably a little relieved that it isn't you on the receiving end, having you safe at home is a load off; she deserves that much."

Jack bristled, if mum deserved so much than she had wasted too many years with him. "You know her so well."

"Look Jack, you need to hear me out on this. Leaving you and your mum was the hardest choice I've had to make but it was something I had thought about for a long time. And I really didn't expect her to move you all the way out here."

"Your mum is captivating, and enchanting, she makes you believe she is carefree when she is really taking things to heart. She has always made her own choices and done it privately, that is what she is doing now. I fell in love with her telling myself that I could live with our differences, we were young and then we had you." Jack stiffened as his dad put a hand on his knee, he really didn't need to hear that they had tried to make it work or some other stupid story. Truth was dad had wanted his life, his career and someone to wait on him hand and foot; and mum had other goals.

"I, I asked your mum to give up a lot to raise you, she was the one who took the time away from work, the one who put her goals on the back burner. And she did it, I know that and now I look back and I regret not making a few of those sacrifices myself. She was around, she helped you with homework and took you on adventures while I worked and did what I knew I could."

"If I hadn't pursued my career she would have moved back to the island when you were little so you could grow up the way she did, so you would be close with your family and nature because you had no choice. I have never been able to imagine living out here, and I have never wanted it; she has always talked about it."

"She could see your needs and wants better than me, she was closer to you, always has been. And that was hard. Her dreams are harder yet, and she has never changed, never moved beyond the belief that nature will heal, will cure; those are things she has always said. Sam was never made for the mainland, or a desk job; research is where she is happiest."

"That's great dad, I'm glad you have so much insight now. It's just a little late." Jack resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Jack she has never cared how she looks, or if her house is in perfect order and she will always love to joke but she doesn't take things lightly. Trust me, you have always been fed and dressed, but also around snakes and insects that I thought more than once were going to end up part of some accident. This year was the first time and even that, she took every safety precaution, heavy gloves and proper containment but things happen. It happened and it could have been a lot worse, I have had a hard time coming to terms with that. You are so much like her, and this place is good for you, I just don't want it to become the only place you know; I want to see you sometimes; and I don't want us to fight."

"Jack your mum and I were making each other unhappy, I made the choice to leave, but I didn't want that to mean I left you. I still want to be a part of your life. And I respect Sam enough to know that the ways I was trying to change her weren't fair to either of us, we both know she is happier here. She can do and love something that few can and I want to see her succeed in that; I think we both do."

"She stayed with you fifteen years before you decided you were trying to change her to much, why then? Why not wait it out? Anymore you could commute, one of you, or live part time out here?" He stopped himself, that wasn't where he was trying to go. "I don't mean I want you back together, I just don't get why then?"

"Your granddad. He asked her nearly every year when she would come back to the practise, he thought we both did. And I realize now that maybe I making that realization was a double blow but when he died I felt sick that I had kept her and you from him so much. And her from the work she had learned from her father. I didn't have a close relationship with my parents, I wanted to have with you what she had with him; it never happened. When he died and I, I cared but I felt guilty for so much…."

"Jack we weren't making each other happy and trying to stay together wasn't going to help. I don't have a good answer for you because I don't have a good answer for myself, over the years little things build up and one day it is just too much. To foolish to make each other miserable. But even if we are no longer married I still care about her, I still love you."

"You talk forever, your good at that."

"Jack your mum and I we had problems, we have problems."

"Well I do share half her DNA, so maybe we have a problem." Jack replied quickly, he didn't need this to keep going, it wasn't doing anything.

"Jack your mum and I can still get along, we can work together and talk to each other but we are moving different directions in life. You, we will always have you and we both love you. And I hope you learn the love for life your mum has, and her strength because those are traits in her I love but I hope there are things I can teach you too."

He looked over and stared at him for a long moment, his dad looked tired and worried; they all were. Maybe he was hard on him, but he still didn't feel right about it; any of it. "How experimental is this thing mum is doing?"

"It is very experimental but the procedures are both common practise, it is the time frame and the drugs that add the risk. But she is going to be carefully watched, and if there is a risk to her life the doctor will stop it. The benefits for Nell are unmatchable Jack."

"Did you know?"

"I did my research, I, I haven't been able to sleep out here. It makes me think too much so I made a few calls and got a few opinions; both said it was likely that she would have to go this route. And for your mum it is a need, that is something to be proud of, that is something everyone here is proud of." His dad stood beside him, looking out at the view, Jack looked up at him from his seat.

"Yeah, there aren't a lot of us out here so people get to know each other." Jack stood and looked down, if you didn't know the trails it was a daunting and difficult path; lots of hikers ended up at the clinic with sprained ankles and worse.

"They are banding around her and Nell, they want them home, and they want them healthy. And they have put their lives in your mum's hands with good results, I think they are looking forward to being able to repay that favor in any way."

Jack began to pick his way down, finally there was a little bit of silence as they made the trek back to the back packers. Gus looked up from the patio as they came in. "We were about to send out a search team, afraid you lost him."

"Real funny. Shouldn't we be doing something?"

"We are going to have an early night, it will be a busy day tomorrow and it will start early. There are plans to be made. Livvy called McCage and he is coming out again in the morning and put a rush on some stuff he ordered." Sunny slid a bottle of water to him and handed one to his dad.

"So more renos?"

"What else would we do? Get it done before she gets back so we don't have her under foot. Still have to tie her to her bed but there won't be as much for her to do." That came from Gus who was perched on a stool now, looking at some of the sketches Paul had drawn up for future renovations.

"Sometimes handling Sam is like handling a child, just remove the temptation and it gets a whole lot simpler." Sonny smiled, that man was the only one who could get away with a comment like that; he was a good friend to everyone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Toby was a silent shadow on her walk, he stayed just a pace behind her but close enough that she could nearly feel his body heat. She made it to the end of the hall and turned to go back when she felt his hand on her back. "Think you've had enough?"

"I'll walk back to the room, it is hard to sleep when I don't do anything all day." She felt restless, especially now, it seemed so much longer now, this afternoon had dragged and it was only early in the evening; but there was little else to do but go to bed.

Toby's hand stayed on her back as she made her way back to the room, the door was open when she got there and she frowned. Sam had watched Toby shut it when they left, she didn't have to look far to spot the reason. "Hi Kaile."

She smiled at the young woman reading her chart, and moved closer to the tray laid out, something was ready to start. "Hi, um, Emily said that you approved me, so you're like my patient now; but Emily is going to check everything."  
>"Yep." Sam eyed the IV line and bag, she couldn't have any more pain killers so that had to be a prep for the new procedure. "What have you got there?"<p>

"Dr Renete has laid out a treatment plan, she went over it with me and said I could go over it with you for practise and then she will verify in the morning. Uh, Nell's most recent blood work came back just within the limits, she is anemic, it's a specific kind….."

Sam sat on the bed, this would be fun. "It is Aplastic, but how about you start from the beginning. I need to know when you are starting this and why."

"Okay, I'm sorry this is kinda weird 'cuz I've gotten to know you." Kaile fidgeted and then stood between her and Toby, Sam nodded; it was hard the first time to be put in a position of control. "Okay, so Nell's condition has caused her body to not respond to her blood, specifically her white blood cells, the count is really low; especially after a transplant. Therefore the doctor has decided to go ahead with a trial treatment that will raise her white blood cell count but also change the profile of her blood in hopes her body will begin to respond to it again."

"Normally a PBSC would be prepared for over a course of a week with filgrastem injections, this is being done differently in several large and closely spaced doses that will be interworked with moderate immunosuppression. It will be important that you rest, and that you have no visitors who are ill, it would best if contact with others was limited. The last thing you need to do in the middle of this is get sick."

"I agree, Toby is going to stay with me some of the time but he will probably be my only visitor." Sam eyed the tray, that drug had its own side effects she hadn't even thought about.

"I'll be here the whole time." Toby added, she turned and caught his glare; she nodded.

"Okay, so the first dose will be given tonight and then again in the morning, before we do a bone marrow biopsy, after that you will start the immune suppressant. We will manage your symptoms as much as possible but you will need to tell us what you are feeling, and the doctor wants you to know that sedation is an option." Sam nodded encouragingly, Kaile knew it was hard

"Right, so after the biopsy we will get you settled and set up for PBSC…" The girl continued explaining it, fidgeting sometimes, Sam asked her a few questions and reminded her that she had notes and she could use them.

The girl was smart, she was quick and good with people; she needed confidence. But every student did, especially when they were new. Sam liked her, and if she had to be stuck here at least she was a project for somebody who deserved to learn. With the injection of filgrastem behind her and the student gone to follow her shadow on rounds Sam looked at the tray of things left for the morning.

"Shouldn't an actual nurse or somebody have been here for that?" Toby watched her, a lazy smile on his face; he looked so comfortable sprawled in the chair. She was glad he was here.

"Any other case yes, but that, it really isn't her job it is just a good experience for her. I've read the information on what is being done and I know what is coming. Plus I like her, I want to know if she is interested in Tropical Medicine."

"Asking might help." Of course it would, and she would do it; just not right now.

"I will, but I don't want to do it in a hospital gown."

"Fair enough." He looked thoughtful as she sat on the bed again, her arm ached, she had a feeling tonight would be interesting. "You should let them knock you out."

"No, I don't really think that is a good idea."

"Sam you don't have to make it as hard as possible on yourself." He was giving her the look again, it was the one he gave her when she told him she was going to dive with a patient who had the bends and with Irukandji; she smiled. It hadn't stopped her yet.

"It's not about that, I don't like being drugged and I don't have a choice in some of it."

"So torture yourself. Good choice."

Sam sighed, he would see it that way but it wasn't the same. She had to do this but if she was going to do it she didn't want to be unconscious the entire time. She wanted to know what was going on, how it was going and if it was working. Even if she was miserable to be around, Toby could just leave; she hoped he wouldn't.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

It was a long night, Sam was miserable, muscle cramps were a common side effect of the drug they gave her, but come morning she was given more. The doctor came in and tried to talk her into sedation and Sam, headstrong as ever refused; again.

They took her for a bone marrow biopsy, something about taking a small sample to make sure everything was good before they cleaned her out. Sam came back unconscious and the doctor told him she was going to stay that way for a while. General anesthesia could last a bit, and they weren't drawing blood off her for a day, but the time was used to attach her to more tubes and wires.

She looked nearly the same as when she came out of surgery three days ago, or maybe four, he had to think about that a moment before realizing it was only three days. Time was sliding together as he paced and waited, it bothered him to see her like that.

Sonny had come but Sam had already been taken for the procedure, he had given him the keys for the boat and let him go. Their friend had been truly disappointed not to see Sam, they were all worried about her; as well as Nell. Still Sonny did have some news, Andrew Walsh had needed time on the mainland today; but not to visit Sam.

He tried not to bother him, because he knew he wouldn't have let the man near her; but it might have meant something to her to hear he tried. Instead he needed to do paperwork. That bothered him, he should at least want to bring news home to his son; her son. Jack had wanted to come over but Sam was adamant he stay away while she was drugged up.

Sonny had said to let him know as soon as she was better enough to want to see people; Toby had done his best to explain the immune deal. Toby wasn't leaving, not now, and as he dropped back into the chair by her bed he decided he was relieved she was sleeping.

Last night it had hit her about midnight and she had spent the rest of the night squirming and trying to tell him she was fine; her legs had been cramping up badly. Now he knew what to watch for, he had caught the nursing student on her way out that morning and got a few tips on helping her; that would be easier if she was sleeping. And he was pretty sure he was going to get his chance.

Her knee was twitching slightly, and her expression wasn't relaxed, if anything would rouse Sam it would be pain. He lifted the blankets at the foot of the bed and folded them to her knees, rubbing her ankle and working slowly up to the knee. He could feel the tension in her leg and worked it slowly out.

Sam didn't rouse but a nurse came in, left and the doctor returned. "How is she?"

"I don't know, out of it." He didn't get a lot of what was going on, he just knew it was necessary.

"That is for the best, she is having cramps again?"

"Guess so." He didn't know for sure and unless she told him he wouldn't.

"Alright." The woman took his place and what she did seemed to make Sam relax a bit more. "I am making a judgement call, based on how she is today and how she was this morning. We are going to go the route of sedating her. She doesn't need pain and she very much needs the rest."

He nodded and with that decision made he spent the next four days by her bed as Sam drifted between resting peacefully and shifting in discomfort just out of reach to tell him how to help. His back ached from sitting in the chair and his frustration grew at people at home; they just didn't understand. They weren't seeing what he was.

Wires ran from her body and blood was being filtered out and then back in as what was needed was took. It might have just be him but she looked paler, and smaller. Toby was tired of sitting in the chair and watching, he couldn't help her.

Kaile was back on days and doing her best to help Sam, he got most of his useful information came from her. She was a bright girl, and she liked Sam, he was tempted to ask her about the clinic for Sam. Yet he knew she was going to go home to a lot of changes that she hadn't had a lot of say in; it might be best if she dealt with her student herself.

It was Tuesday that Jack showed up and Toby felt sick as he watched him stare at his mum and then walk away. "Jack, it is alright. They've cut her meds, she should wake up soon."

"Great. How's Nell?" He didn't mean the first part, Toby could see it in his eyes as he looked towards his mum's room.

"A lot better, they are happy with her progress. There are a few more steps and then she'll have the best they can give her." He rattled off what they kept telling him.

"When can she come home?"

"A few more days, Jack it won't be much longer. She will be okay."

'It's been a week and a half. But I guess it takes as long as it takes. Has dad come to see her?"

Toby shook his head, he didn't know if that was a good answer or not, but it was the truth. He knew Sonny was unimpressed with Sam's ex for his lack of interest in her condition. But the man was working hard to help get the clinic together, Toby had been kept informed of changes and while some of them he just nodded to, it did sound like it would be an improvement. Toby liked some technical advancement but some of the tools and stuff they had moved in he just didn't think he had a hope of pronouncing the things.

He hoped Sam would be pleased with the changes, just as he hoped Jack would understand why he was staying with Sam. Livvy would but she was of more use at the clinic and he wanted to be there for her, Sam mattered to him. She was just special, Sam pushed people when she needed to but she was a good friend no matter what.

She deserved the same in return, and he would do what he could, promising himself he could be content with her friendship, even as he wished he could take her pain. But he also knew he didn't want to come between Sam and her son, Jack already figured he wasn't good enough for her. And in some ways he agreed, Sam deserved more than she had been given; but he could be the man she deserved. He just had to do it, and that meant proving himself to her and to her son.

Small things counted, this counted any anything he could do that she wouldn't remember helped, it might not count but it made it easier to do it again. Talking to Jack, trying to make him understand, it helped because he knew the kid was stressed enough. Jack had left to see Nell and Toby dropped back into the chair by her bed, rubbing his hand over his face.

He slumped down, fidgeting until he was comfortable, a skill he had learned the last few days, his back hated him. Toby drifted off a bit but woke to a soft knock just before the door opened and he heard the end of a conversation "…sweetie you have to be prepared that she might not be up yet. Jack just said they reduced her medication."

"I want to see her." He knew that voice, both of them and Laurie pushed his daughter slowly into the room, Nell was in a wheel chair and looked a little beat down but she was up; and her eyes were bright. "Go away dad."

"Nell, honey I'll push you to the bed, and wait right outside." The man looked older, the last few months had aged him incredibly but he did have a faltering smile on his face.

Toby shoved to his feet and headed for the door quickly, he was pretty sure there were tears in that girl's eyes. Nell needed to talk to Sam whether the woman would hear her or not; and he didn't need to be nearby.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Sam was too still in that bed and Nell felt a little sick to her stomach; she shouldn't be. That should be her. Sam wasn't sick until she made the decision to try and help, now it looked like there was a machine doing just about everything for her. Sam didn't look like herself, it just wasn't right and Nell felt responsible.

If she hadn't gotten sick, if she hadn't got her mum's disease this wouldn't be happening. The doctors told her she was lucky to have Sam, lucky to have a donor willing to do this kind of treatment but right now she didn't feel lucky; she felt miserable.

She had made somebody else sick, somebody who was doing something in life, people at home were going to hate her for putting Sam through this. Jack was going to hate her, today he had barely been able to look at her, he probably felt he had to come see her, she as the reason his mum was in the hospital.

Her dad had pushed her near the bed but she used the bed rail to pull herself up to beside Sam's shoulder. The woman didn't even flinch, there was a tube down her throat and two IVs in one arm, one in the other; it was like she was a shell of Sam.

"Hey." Sam didn't move and Nell felt her throat close, it was weird to talk to someone who wasn't going to talk back to her. "Jack was here today, he came to see you. He wants you to go home and I do to."

She squirmed, she didn't like this, and touching Sam's cheek lightly she was surprised she felt sweaty. Her hair was brushed back from her face and she smelled like she usually did, someone was taking the time to take care of her. Still Nell was embarrassed to remember that Sam had bathed her.

She pushed against the wheels of the chair and then, frustrated at the ground she gained pushed to her feet. She was still shaky and weak but she could do it; she wanted to do it. And the walk to the bathroom was only a few steps, but it had her relieved to sit down when she got back.

Gently she wiped the cloth over Sam's face, she wasn't sure how the woman washed but she didn't want to hurt her, or catch the cloth on the tube taped to her cheek; that might really hurt her. It took the sweatiness off but she wasn't sure how much it really helped.

She stared at her for a long time, trying to decide whether or not she looked peaceful. Nell wasn't sure what she looked like, but knowing it wasn't natural sleep Nell felt just a little sick. "I hope you will be awake tomorrow."

Nell left feeling a little down, it wasn't fair for her to be feeling better and Sam still be sick, when she wasn't actually sick. It was going to be a long night, her dad would hover and stress over whether or not she was eating enough, or overdoing it, even as she didn't much at all; rolling around in the wheelchair.

It was much later that the doctor came in and told her and her dad that Sam had woken up and was doing well. Still she was told she couldn't go to see her until morning.

o0o

Sam glared at the doctor, this was a stupid conversation to be having. "I do not want to be put under again. It can be done with a local anesthetic."

"You are in no state to withstand pain. Sam you can hardly sit up right now. Tomorrow morning do you really expect to be able to tolerate that? Sam even after a general anesthetic…."

"It will hurt, I get that. I don't want more drugs, at least not more than necessary. Not even five years ago it was done with next to no anesthetic and it was only changed because we found drugs that worked safely. I would rather deal with some pain in the morning than be kept another day because I was knocked out again." Toby put his hand on her shoulder and she turned to glare at him, it wasn't a hard guess on where he stood on the issue.

"Just take it easy Sam…"

"I'm not finished." Sam cut him off, ignoring his exasperated sigh as Elena lowered herself onto the bed; rubbing her temple. "Realistically Nell may need a second round of treatment, why, when we know we are a match would we return to the mainland for that? It can be done in the clinic."

"Because you can't order procedures to be done on yourself and treat Nell at the same time." Elena Renete gave her a satisfied look, the woman had her on that.

"Not to mention you aren't going to let Rick do it to you." Toby squeezed her shoulder again; they were both right.

Livvy wasn't qualified for a procedure like this and even if she was Sam knew it would be war to convince her to do it. "I'd have to figure out the details of it, but for something like that if I am at home I will cope and I certainly won't be putting myself under general anesthetic."

"Sam stop fighting me, I want to work with you and I can understand your hesitation. But realistically you can't handle your own care and Nell's as well as your clinic, research and family. It is too much for anyone. I want to work with you but you make it about as hard as possible." The woman stared at her, eyes intense and Sam felt miserable.

"She likes torturing herself." Toby was glaring at her and Sam looked at her hands.

She felt close to tears, her mind was still heavy and blurred and she knew the date. Four days, she had been sedated for four days that were blank, she didn't remember dreaming or tests. She had no idea who had been in, or anything; her life was empty and she wouldn't get that back. She didn't want to lose another day, wake up even sorer and more confused than she already was.

She had always hated the way drugs made her feel but today more than ever she wanted to keep control over herself for a while. She would rather know what happened and what she was feeling rather than just the concept of what had happened and what she was told had happened. There was a difference between living her life and hearing about it after like a story.

"Okay Sam, local anesthetic, may I just go through some of the challenges. You will feel it, at least some of it and I'm not going to release you any sooner. Why not take an easier route? It is the standard route for a reason." The woman shifted and Sam fought to keep herself looking at her; she wanted to look away.

"I may reduce my risk of a reaction to the anesthetic and shorten my recovery, potentially. But it is a trade off on comfort; I know that. Really our debate is over pain tolerance. Local or general anesthetic doesn't change the procedure only whether or not you stick a tube down my throat while I am unconscious or not." Sam tried to give off more confidence than she felt.

"I pass out and you get the same result as general."

"Or you fight and we cause you not only more pain as well as other complications depending on the stage we get to." Sam winced, Elena was right.

"You need someone to hold her down? I'll take a chance to ring her neck." She shot Toby a look, he did not need to make this any more complicated; she wasn't sure she was going to get her way as it was.

"Not to hold her down, but a hand to hold might help her cope especially if we go without general…." The doctor broke off as the door opened and they all looked over.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Nell looked at the group in the room, well not a group as she had expected Toby to be there and had come to see Sam; it was the doctor. She had seen the woman a few times but hadn't talked to her, the woman was staring at her. Sam was too.

"Sorry." Nell started to push herself back.

"No. It's okay Nell, we are done here." Sam gave Toby and the doctor a stern look that Nell had gotten herself a few more times.

"Do I need to do anything to go in with her?" Toby asked the doctor, Nell looked between them.

"What is going on?" She watched everyone as silence hung in the room, she wished she was standing; and then they wouldn't be looking down at her.

"Sam is having bone marrow aspirated in the morning. We are just finalizing some details." The doctor spoke and Nell looked at Sam; that was still because of her.

"If Toby can go in with her than I can." She stared at Sam and saw surprise in her face. She hated that people thought she wouldn't care. "I want to."

"No, Nell you don't need to see that, and neither does Toby." Sam was shaking her head, but Nell thought she looked paler.

"I think it might be good for you to have someone with you." The doctor was giving Sam the look Sam gave to her right back. "Though we might need to consider some other options.

"Why?" Sam and the doctor looked ready to go at it, Nell asked her question; knowing she had missed something.

"Come here Nell, let's just talk a moment." Another hard look was passed between the people standing in the room, Toby headed for the door; but the doctor held her ground.

Nell pushed herself forward, the wheels of the chair rolled until she was beside the bed; Sam reached for her hand. Nell felt really uncomfortable, especially with the doctor moving around the bed behind her. Suddenly Sam's face shifted, reacting to something behind her and Nell jerked.

"Hey!" She jerked, trying to fight off hands as the doctor lifted her under the armpits. "I can get up myself."

"I know you can, pivot." Nell wanted to snarl as the woman turned her and sat her by Sam's knees.

"Fine. Sam I want to go in with you. Please. I've seen stuff at the clinic." Nell started to plead her case, and Sam gave her the look everyone else had gotten; maybe the clinic wasn't a good example. "Please."

"It is Sam's decision in the end but I do think it would be a good for her to have someone with her and I think it would be a good thing for you to see. It is a procedure you are likely going to be looking at in the near future." The doctor rounded the bed again and sat on the other side of Sam's knees.

"What is it?" She asked, bone marrow aspiration, some of it she could guess; she was pretty sure they had told her dad something about it.

"We are going to use a needle to take bone marrow from Sam's hip, it isn't a complicated procedure and usually it is mostly pain free. But Sam wants to do it under a local anesthetic and that can be quite painful, I think it would be a good thing if she wasn't alone during it. There are a few more risks in this case." The doctor explained even as Sam glared at each of them, Nell got why Sam was upset; she was tired of her dad nosing in on her business. Everyone was getting in on Sam's.

"Because of this."

"There are a lot of factors, but yes because of the past week and the kidney transplant." The doctor nodded.

Nell looked back at Sam, blue eyes were stormy and her shoulders were tense, Sam was irritated; in the end this was Sam's decision. But now she wanted to be there, she could be there and help; maybe in a small way.

"Please Sam, I want to be there." The woman stared at her and she stared back, only this time she was not looking for a fight, at least not the way she usually was when she stared at someone. Only Sam didn't blink or look away, Nell started to feel afraid, she had never been exactly sure how she felt about Sam; especially not right now. "This is all my fault."

Sam was her boss, but so was Livvy and they were both so different; between the two she liked Sam better. But Sam scared her a little, she was really smart and not just because she was a doctor but because of how she looked at life and her research. Sam hadn't come from a perfect family, living on the mainland and going to the best schools.

But still Sam had a career on the mainland, a family and whole different life that when given the choice she left behind for Hope Island. Nell knew she didn't make much running the clinic, fought for every bit of the budget she got and did research that the big places couldn't match. And then she did things like this, she acted like a mum for her; she wasn't Sam's kid. A part of her wished she was, but Jack was and while Sam worked a lot she also did a lot of cool things for Jack, and Jack didn't seem to notice.

Her dad was always busy, and he only ever seemed to worry over her, even before this. He was always afraid of her getting hurt, sick, or isolated on the island. He didn't seem to see that she was happy there, but then maybe she did a good job of hiding it. It just didn't feel like he saw her, where sometimes it felt like Sam saw a lot more than she wanted her to. Maybe it was something that mum's were good at, she didn't know what that was like.

"Nell it is not your fault, none of it. There is a bit of cause and effect but you didn't make a choice in any of this. I don't think you would have chosen to get sick and no one asked me to get involved; I choose that. So if there is fault here than it is mine because I brought it on myself." Sam's eyes were intense, she still wasn't happy Nell thought; but maybe she couldn't be like this.

"But if I didn't get sick…."

"Still not your choice, Nell, you don't have to be involved in my treatment because it is related to yours." Sam's hand tightened around hers, Nell felt as if she was trembling; that wasn't fair.

"If I wasn't sick you wouldn't be here, and I….." She broke off, she couldn't say it was her fault or Sam would just repeat the same line again; but she still felt it was. "I feel responsible and I can't stay with you like Toby, at least not before now and I want to help."

It sounded lame Nell thought, but she didn't know what to say or how to say it; she sucked at it. But it was true, Toby could sit with Sam, and go get her food, but until the last few days Nell had barely been able to get out of bed; and even now she didn't have a lot of strength. But she could do a bit.

"Nell, that is sweet but this isn't something I want you to see, I don't want you or Toby to see me like that." Sam looked pointedly at the doctor, who already had a hand up; Nell glanced at the woman.

"In principle Nell wouldn't see anything, we'll do everything possible to respect your modesty. Nell will sit by your shoulder, she won't see anything that we are doing."

"See, I can just hold your hand, you can squeeze it if it hurts." Nell knew that, she had used that on her dad a few times when they had to poke her; having something to hold onto did help.

Silence hung for a long moment as Sam looked at her and Nell stared back, it was Sam's decision; but Nell was really afraid the woman would say no. Sam's thumb rubbed the back of her hand, and finally pulled her forward; Nell moved carefully. As she was tucked against Sam's side.

"Nell if it is something you want to do, I won't turn down a hand to hold; but I wouldn't ask you to do it." Sam was still watching her, as was the doctor.

"I want to do it Sam, I want to be there."

"Why don't I go and talk to your dad." The doctor finally stood and left, for some reason that made Nell feel a little more relaxed.

"Come here. Please." Sam's arms closed around her, Nell let her cheek be pressed to Sam's chest and nearly jumped as the woman's heart thudded beneath her ear. "This is for me more than you, Jack hates it when I do this anymore."

She squirmed, and while a smart remark ran through her mind she only turned her cheek closer to Sam; it wasn't something she wanted to say to her. It was weird, but it was nice as she realized Sam was relaxing as she stayed put. "Are they going to let you go home soon?"

"Soon, in the next couple days I hope." It was weird to hear Sam's voice but feel it vibrate against her cheek. "They should be letting you go soon as well."

"Yeah, I think; another week. It's my blood work I guess." She rattled off what she had been told, every time she asked.

It was still weird as Sam talked again and Nell smiled a little, it was special somehow. "Of course they will, your blood work is important. Nell they have a duty of care and they will want to be sure."

"What if they send you home and something goes wrong?" She feared that she could guess the answer.

"I'll get myself back here if I'm needed, or if you need a hand." Nell looked up and was surprised as Sam was looking back at her, the woman's palm rested against her cheek. "You are worth it Nell."

It didn't make any sense but it made her feel so uncomfortable and yet safe at the same time as she broke down. It was so weird, but Sam rubbed her shoulder and held her still. "I, I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"All you are supposed to do is get better and come home. Your half way there already, you are up and about." Sam finally let her sit up, and Nell hiccupped, the woman's hands smoothed over her cheeks and wiped her tears away. "You are getting there Nell and you need to keep it together. I need you in the morning."

She nodded, trying to straighten up, Sam was right and she needed to do that. She wanted to do that. Nell just was able to look her in the eyes. "I will."

"I know and Nell, life it isn't always easy, but some of the things we face; they are the things we can look back on with the most learned."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

Early in the morning Sam woke up, feeling uncomfortable and a little sorer than before. Checking each hand and wrist she found her reason, the pain drip had been removed; she hadn't realized how much it was doing.

"Good morning Sam, you always are looking for something to fix aren't you?" She blinked against the light as it flipped on above her head.

Sam groaned a little and glared at the doctor, then looked around; Toby was gone. "I just woke up, I'm not doing anything."

The woman clicked her tongue and moved closer to the bed and sat beside her knees. "I've spoken to Nell's father and Megan, unless you have changed your mind she is going to come in with you. But Sam I want you to consider general anesthetic."

"I thought we had agreed that it could be done under local." Sam sighed, she didn't have the energy to fight the woman on this.

"Alright, we all seem to allow you to torture yourself, against my better judgement." The woman stared at her a long moment and then stood, Sam stared after her. She felt somehow deflated with the jokes and little jibes, she wondered how many had been made while she was unconscious.

It bothered her and she made a point to keep silent during the preparations and transfer to the OR and a new table. She had to smile at Nell who looked nearly terrified as she sat at the head of the table all scrubbed out. She couldn't remember if the girl had ever needed to do it at the clinic for anything.

"Hey." Nell's voice was soft as the nurses and doctor talked around them, it was the buzz of the operating room that was normally covered by a patient slipping unconscious.

"Hi Nell." She ignored a needle prick and then shifted the oxygen mask that was put on her face. Sam realigned it before Kaile could get it.

"Are you afraid?" Nell offered her hand and Sam couldn't help but smile at her.

"I think you look more nervous than me." She squeezed the girl's hand, there was another needle prick and she could feel the anesthetic beginning to take effect. "Don't worry, it is going to be okay."

"I think I'm supposed to be telling you that." Nell offered her other hand, Sam shook her head.

"Need to anchor myself." And she wasn't sure how this was going to feel, she needed to hold onto something other than Nell's hand too.

"Alright, we are going to begin." The doctor spoke and Sam nodded, resting her cheek against the table she focused on the IV running from her arm.

Taking deep breaths she tried to keep herself steady, it did hurt. Her hip absolutely burned and she clenched the hand on the table. She could feel Nell watching her intently and felt Nell squeeze her hand; she tightened her grip a bit.

"Are you okay?" Nell asked softly, Sam nodded, doing her best to keep her eyes closed and her jaw locked; she was okay for now.

"Sam will be fine Nell, she's probably going to give me advice on how to do it later." She heard the doctor's voice in answer to Nell's question and tears stung her eyes in a different kind of pain.

Teeth gritted and eyes shut she got through the rest of the procedure, but she did hang onto Nell a little tighter, oddly the girl was the only one who did seem to think she was crazy. She heard Nell as permission to go back to her room with her and felt the movements as she was switched back to a gurney, nearly gasping when contact came against her hip. But her mind was made up.

Sam was done with the hospital, and she knew the rules. She could leave, but she would be fair and stay twelve hours, then, as long as she could walk under her own power she was leaving. Sam knew it would be against medical advice, and she would probably prove she was the worst patient ever; but at least she would have some of her life back. Even if it was only her couch at home and her son telling her to stay off her feet.

Keeping her eyes closed proved useful and eventually she did drift off, waking up to find it was early evening; and her room was empty. Unhooking her IV and the ever present cardiac monitor she tested her mobility. Pain raced through her, but once she was sitting and the pressure was off the sore points it was tolerable.

She knew if she wanted to find a charter home tonight she was going to have to move, but moving proved hard, as did dressing; Sam did it. And slid her bag over her shoulder, fighting hard to keep a straight face. Walking to the desk she was glad it wasn't Emily or Kaile on shift.

"You shouldn't be out of bed." Was her greeting, and the nurse was probably right, but if she had to stay in bed now it was going to be her own. Where nobody was going to poke at her, and if she wanted to do something then her audience would be whatever critter was lurking; and possibly her son.

"I need a release form please." She knew her tone was tight.

"I can't authorize that, Ms. Stewart you really should sit down." The nurse was starting to push the chair around the desk.

"I am not asking you to authorize anything, I need a medical release form that will release you and this hospital from any harm I cause myself after I leave. I am fully aware, and competent, just as I am aware of the risks of what I am doing. Please give me the paperwork so that I can leave. Don't bother the doctor." The nurse would anyways, but she would be gone; technically a doctor should be present for this. But in her opinion one was, and she had the schooling to back it up; not that it mattered to anyone else.

It was a few long moments before the paperwork was produced, no pen, Sam gave the woman a long look and when none appeared she dug in the bag on her shoulder, trying not to wince as it rubbed her side. She filled it out and signed it, tucked her pen back in the bag and walked away; leaving the nurse on the phone.

Sam made it to the elevator and kept her back straight until the doors closed, and then braced her arms against the wall and groaned; she wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball. But she couldn't, Sam needed a cab and then a boat, at least she had her wallet and her phone; and maybe a few clueless friends.

Off the island only a few people would know what was going on and as she made it through the lobby she dialled the number of one of the oldest; who knew a little something about ignoring doctors' orders. It was pure relief when the woman not only picked up but told her she was heading out to the islands in the morning and would leave tonight, but not only that would pick her up on the way to the marina; no more questions asked.

Sam found an out of the way bench and sat cautiously to wait for Riya, if she was careful the pain stayed at a burn, when she moved the wrong way it turned white hot. Her friend didn't keep her waiting long, and people flowing in and out of the emergency room didn't even give her a second glance.

She was grateful for a hand up and being relieved of her bag. "What did you do?"

"A lot. Thanks so much for this." Sam watched for a moment until the hospital disappeared.

"No problem, I love being on the water at night, you know that. You know I'd thought I would see you more living out there and me always being on a run but I don't think I've seen you since you finalized the weasel's divorce." Her friend had little respect for her ex, in fact Riya had dated and dumped Andrew before she had met him; and encouraged her through the divorce.

They had met at Uni, and shared a room for a year, then Riya washed out and went back to her first love; the sea. Somehow they stayed in touch, usually when Riya had been trying to avoid a hospital and being told to stay away from the water after an injury, Sam had long since accepted that advice was ignored on that; but she gave it anyways. "I hope I won't put your schedule out."

"Not at all, but don't be offended if I don't crash with you. I want to keep going and make my target tonight, there might be something sweet way out there and I don't get to see it too often; I'll take an overnighter when I can get it." Riya's way of saying there was a man she was glad for an excuse to see.

"Why were you waiting for morning in the first place?" Sam was relieved for anything to think about, other than her pain.

"Oh you know, trying to keep business hours; hard having an office that you are never in. And my receptionist is always trying to sneak off with her boyfriend so I never know if there is anyone on the phone or not." Riya parked in the lot off the port and killed the engine. "Honestly Sam, you don't look good."

"I don't feel good either, but if I am going to be miserable I would prefer my own home."

"Then I'll deliver you straight to your bed and hope you stay there." The woman grabbed her bag from the back as Sam eased out of the car and began to make so progress towards the boat she had spent a lot of time on in years past. "Is Jack out at the house?"

"Yeah, he isn't going to be too happy with me, for this or for wanting him to stay out there." Sam was grateful when Riya offered a hand and she leaned a little of her weight on it.

"Yeah well that kid always has been too serious, you know I'd think he was the parent sometimes the way he worries over you. But you need it, that man never did." Riya was ready to start on a tear, and Sam didn't want to hear it; Andrew wasn't as bad as Riya would make him out to be.

"Maybe next time we see each other."

"Fair enough. Let's get you on board and then we can make best speed home."

Sam was deposited on a soft bench in the wheel house and left there as Riya made the preparations to go and talked on the radio. The rocking boat jostled her and Sam ended up curled on the bunk rather than sitting, trying to find a comfortable place as they got underway. It was a very long trip home.

Embarrassed and relieved Sam let herself be half carried up to a dark house, it was late but not late enough she would expect Jack to be in bed. Freya would have had to leave a few days before, having only so much vacation time; she was disappointed not to have seen her more than a few minutes. Jack must be down at the backpackers, maybe word of her escape hadn't made it this far yet.

It sounded pretty good to be curled up in bed by the time they got the news; and there wasn't a damn thing they could do. Riya, strong and hardened from years at sea and hard work, always proving herself in a man's world maneuvered her with ease. Sam practically moaned at the sight of her bed, and did yelp when she was deposited on it.

"You know I am all for ignoring the stupidity of some of your profession, but Sam you are not yourself. Are you sure you are okay here?" Riya was giving her a skeptical look, Sam couldn't really blame her; she was acting like a baby.

"I'm okay, and my jail break will be known soon. Just go on, and don't bother stopping at Sonny's; I just need some peace. Jack will find me eventually and I can actually walk if I need to. I owe you." Sam hoped she would do it, and knew if she got her friend's word than it would be.

"Alright, and you don't owe me that much; just don't bake me anything." Riya was practically tucking her in like a child.

"No cookies?" A disastrous attempt at a thank you years ago would never be lived down.

"Nope, the only thing you are allowed to make is coffee." Riya grinned at her. "You should stay in bed, got a pen and paper nearby?"

Sam shook her head and watched the other woman rummage through her things until the above were produced and set on her bedside table, along with water, a flashlight and her phone. "Thanks Riya."

"No problem. I'll go but I'm gonna be back in a few days and if you die in bed I will never forgive myself and fully expect to be haunted for the rest of my days." Sam laughed hard, and put a hand on her side; that burned.

"Okay." She watched as the light went out and the door was shut, Sam closed her eyes. She was home. Her bed felt wonderful and her body felt horrible but she didn't care. She snuggled into the pillows and closed her eyes, good judgement forgotten. Sam wanted to sleep for days, and wake up to pretend nothing was wrong.

Sleep didn't come but Sam wasn't bothered, she alternated between laying still with her eyes shut and running through things she needed to do and trying to picture her room in the dark, enjoying being back in it after being away.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

Jack kicked the dirt as he walked home, it was late, later than he would have stayed out if his mum was home; but he was getting used to her being away. He didn't like it, and he didn't like that she wanted him out here; but everybody said he had to respect it.

Livvy was practically taking her place, worrying whether he was eating and doing his school work; he was ready for his mum to take that over again. Thinking on that though he had read the note from the teacher earlier, Nell was going to be back in the next week or so. He should type up the notes and readings they had done in the past couple weeks.

She would probably have slacked off even though she had nothing better to do. If she had the notes at least she might do well on the makeup tests and assignments. He had partnered with her on earth sciences final project; only because no one else wanted to. With her health uncertain and her general dislike for the classes she wasn't exactly a stellar partner; but her personality made up for it in other ways. He should start that he thought; it would keep his mind busy.

Jack didn't like being in the house all that much, it had been okay with Freya there, even though she was usually at the clinic or the back packers with Rick, there were a few of her things around and some noise in the morning; now it was just empty. It was too quiet and to neat, with the renovations turned over to the contractors for completion Jack had tidied the house and now that both things were done he wished he hadn't.

Flicking on the kitchen light he shut the door, there was no lock and even if there was out here it would serve no purpose. Out of habit he glanced towards the end of the hall; his mum's room. The door was tightly shut, he paused; he knew he had left it open. His dad had left and he had thought it best to air it out, mum probably wouldn't like him sleeping in there.

Moving slowly towards it he felt a little uncomfortable, everybody was still out at the back packers; no one would have closed the door. No one had been here to do it anyway. Pushing it open he took a step back at the lump in the bed.

"Mum?" He asked softly, moving closer but he could already see blond hair; and the lump groaned. "How did you get here?"

"Hey." She rolled and he saw pain flicker through her eyes as he flipped the lamp on; she looked really pale. "Jack, I'm okay."

"Mum I asked how you got here." She wasn't okay, not by a long shot, Jack sat gingerly on the edge of the bed; he didn't know what to do.

"Riya."

"They didn't release you did they?" He already knew, mum hated rules and people telling her what to do; especially when she felt she knew better.

"I was ready to come home and I did. Toby won't be pleased with me." Her eyes were mostly clear as she wiped sleep from her face; Jack was afraid to touch her.

"Mum." She was in pain, and she should be in the hospital if that was where everybody else though she belonged.

"It's alright Jack. I just need some sleep." Her hand rubbed his cheek and he caught it, she hadn't been this pale after the surgery.

He shifted closer, a little surer of himself; until she whimpered when he jostled her hip. Pain flooded her expression and he eased back, he didn't want to see her like that; she wasn't like that. His mum was tough, and nothing stopped her, someone brushing her hip didn't make her wince.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, just a little sore. It will go away soon." She winced a little and let his hand slide out of hers; rubbing her side.

"Alright." He got up and turned out the light, he needed to find Livvy; he hoped Toby knew where she had gone.

Jack hesitated before leaving and decided to leave the door open a crack, he wasn't sure how much she should be up and around but he wanted to know if she needed help. But he did know he had to walk back to Sonny's.

As he walked he thought about Toby staying with her, seeing her uncomfortable and in pain; maybe it was best. He didn't want to think about her in pain, he didn't want to think about her being sick; but then he had never thought Nell would be either.

Jack walked into the backpackers and felt everybody's eyes on him; when he looked at them every one of them looked at the floor. He had a feeling they knew, Livvy stood and the look on her face said she was worried.

"Mum is home." He wouldn't make them wait, but jaws nearly hit the floor.

"What?"

"Sam is here?" Sonny was already around the bar.

"Yeah, she is in bed." He said as Livvy and Sonny walked right past him. He looked at Gus who was also staring at him. "Toby knows?"

A nod, Gus got up. "She made it all the way out here?"

"Yeah. Should we call him?"

"Go Sam!" Gus laughed and Jack stared at him. "C'mon. Doctor tells her to stay in the hospital and Sam proves her wrong and makes it home; it's how she is."

Another time maybe he would have seen it, but right now he didn't. "She should still be in the hospital."

"Mate she doesn't do stay in bed and be taken care of; it's like caging an animal. Doesn't work, she'll be better at home. We can all freak because we are worried about her, but that won't help her. Let her do what she wants and watch her, as long as she is getting better let her be." Gus got up, in a way what he said made sense but Jack wasn't sure.

"You think she'll stop before she hurts herself?"

"No, that's why you don't tick her off by telling her she should be in the hospital. Stay close and make her feel useful; but keep her off her feet." The man slung an arm around his shoulder and turned him towards the door.

"That is going to work."

"You've got homework right? How long since she helped you with it? And I don't mean take you out to find a lizard." Gus was following the trail around to the house, they both looked at the clinic, and it was a guarantee that she hadn't noticed it.

"I'm not five, I don't need my mum to check my homework."

"Really, she is a doctor, how many years in Uni is that? Specializing in the sciences, I thought you got your earth sciences project last week? " Gus pushed him and Jack got it; maybe he was a little tired. "She will probably want to do some reports for her research anyway. And once Livvy give her a lecture she will have one for you."

"Yeah." That was going to be right and now that the entire house was lit up he had a feeling it was going to be a long time before he got any sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Toby was ready to hit something and a wall was going to be his best bet if he didn't get out of here soon. He had gone out of the hospital to find Sam something good for supper, mainly because she made her opinion on hospital food very clear; and her opinion on being in the hospital as well. But all day she had been quiet, and either sleeping or staring at the ceiling; while Kaile was taking her vitals.

Now he knew why, well part of why. Sam had left, and she had talked her way around a nurse and out of the hospital. He should be out looking for her but Elena Renete wanted to talk to him first; he didn't want to wait any longer for her. But Kaile was already upset enough, the poor kid had lost her first patient; only not in the usual way.

"Is she on her way?"

The student looked at her mentor helplessly, they all wanted him to leave the nursing station. "Yeah, she went down to security. She said she was coming up."

He nodded and glared at the elevator, at least Sam took her stuff but he had no clue where to find her. Toby knew that if he couldn't find her quickly he'd have to call Sonny and get them to talk to Jack. He couldn't stay still anymore, heading towards the elevator he tried to think through how to go about this.

Who left the hospital against medical advice for any reason? And not to mention she lived on an island, he was her ride home. Though he didn't know much about Sam's life before Hope Island, she had lived here for years, she would have friends she could stay with and he had a feeling some of them would assume she could take care of herself; even if she was hurt.

Finally the elevator doors opened and Dr Renete appeared, at least she looked concerned; and maybe a bit upset. "Hey!"

"Toby, I'm sorry. Look Sam signed the waiver and left, the nurse on duty did call me but by the time I got up here she was already on her way."

"Do you have any idea where she is?"

"She left the hospital, the only good thing is someone did pick her up." The woman was back in the elevator, Toby just stayed close so he didn't lose her; at least they were heading out. "I think there might be a reason Sam left."

"Yeah, she hates being cooped up and being told what to do." He wanted out of here too. "Who picked her up?"

"A woman. Sam seemed to know her, it wasn't a car service or anything. Look, I think we may have offended her." Toby swallowed hard, that was hard to do; but he had done it before. He hated doing it, he hated upsetting her and off her game, he hated seeing her unhappy and in pain but he didn't know why it happened.

He wasn't sure when she had become more important than a friend, he had always seen her as more but that was a private thing; a fantasy of sorts. Sam wasn't hard to look at, never had been, but when she was angry she could be hard to listen to; especially when he specialized in not letting her know it.

"How?" He already knew, or at least could guess.

"There may have been too many Sam's a bad patient jokes. I am guilty of it myself and I know that as I look back I can see her reactions differently." He winced, he had made enough himself; but Sam had been blowing them off. At least he thought she had. "I think this morning might have been a tipping point."

"Nell?" He wondered if the kid had been upset by it, Nell had been acting differently around Sam now, and that was a good thing considering everything but it might have made Sam edgier.

"No, Nell is absolutely sweet with her, I don't know what their relationship was before but Nell was doing her very best to support Sam this morning. I think it is something that came from us, not even Kaile but myself and some of the nursing staff. We were trying to lighten the mood and remind her that she was the patient; she didn't need to take care of herself."

"I'll find her." And drag her back here he thought, he had to figure out how to do that and he didn't know where to begin.

"I am truly sorry about this." He knew the woman felt bad and he could see it in her face.

"We'll find her and someone can chew her out for this." Someone needed to, and Toby had finally thought of someone who knew her well enough to guess where she might have gone; that was if he was as okay a guy as Sam said.

Toby had little use for him but Andrew had known Sam the longest of anyone he could think of, other than Sonny; but his friend knew little of her life here. Andrew had lived it with her and might know who would help her jailbreak the hospital.

He left the doctor on the main floor, and headed across to talk his way into the research center; he didn't even know if the man would be there. Toby needed help, and was standing at the empty reception desk debating how else to find Andrew when the man came out of the hall; briefcase in hand.

"Why are you here?" The man was giving him a strange look.

"Sam, she bailed on the hospital and someone helped her. Any ideas on friends who would help her?"

Andrew laughed in disbelief and then looked at him. "You're serious? I thought she had a bone marrow aspiration this morning?"

"She did and she left about an hour ago. I don't know where she went, if she is going to try and go home or stay around here." And he wasn't going to waste time here if Andrew couldn't help him.

"If she is staying here there is a long list but if she wants to go home I can think of one. Riya Jamies would take her home, the woman has an aversion to hospitals and doctors; she and Sam went to Uni together. She really left?" As if that was a great surprise, it fit with Sam but the man needed to get past it.

"Yeah she's gone. Riya where would she take her?"

"She runs a charter business out to the islands, she is a bit out there. Sam and she are both a little off in the same direction. She'd take her back out to hope island even if she was dying and what she wanted. Wouldn't matter to her that Sam would be better off in the hospital."

"That's who I need to find." Toby had a feeling the woman was very much like Sam, and if they had been friends at Uni they had grown up together. Sam would trust her more than any of them, even if they had grown apart; he hadn't heard of her visiting the island.

"I'd say go home. That's where Riya will take."

"And if she isn't there? What about her place here?"

"Her boat docked in the marina, I think she has an office space. I don't get on with her at all, never really have. She won't want to see me." The man was walking with him but Toby already sensed he was only so concerned; he should be more worried.

"And Sam?"

"Sam is Sam, she will be fine and she probably won't want to see me about now anyways; not if she has spent some time with Riya."

"Fine. Her office, is it near the marina?" He had to at least check if she was on the mainland before he headed out to sea.

"Yeah, there is an apartment above it but they won't be there."

He was probably right, and knowing Sam she would try to go home. But he needed to be sure before he left and ended up showing up home with no Sam to be found. And if she was still on the main land she needed to be dragged back to the hospital and let the people there she had upset have at her.

Toby wanted to talk to her too, he still wanted to ring her neck; but more he wanted to know that she was alright. She should still be in the hospital where people could watch over her and if something went wrong it could be dealt with. Right now no one knew where she was or if she was truly alright and even so when they did find her she would never tell them that she was in pain.

If she made it home there would be no getting her back here, Toby was exhausted as he headed for the docks. It was time to let everyone out on the island know, in case she beat him there. It was worse to make the call than to think about it but after Toby spoke to some locals at the marina he did learn that Riya Jamies' boat had left an hour earlier. He got no answer from the clinic or Sonny's, he hoped that was a good thing.

Getting the Medusa on the water was usually a relief, he was at home on the water but tonight he was worried. He knew he was a ways behind them and wished he could raise anyone out on the island to let them know; someone should at least watch for her.

By the time he docked Toby was seething and worried as he strode up towards the backpackers. There were a few people there but none of the ones he was looking for. Rick was sulking in the corner though, Toby wasn't sure he was ready to bother with him, it looked like the man was still sulking over Freya leaving.

"Where is everybody?" The young doctor was nursing a strong drink and looked at him grouchily; good thing Sam wasn't here to see him.

"Dunno. They were here earlier." The man looked around curelessly, usually he was at least a bit more with it; not much but a bit.

"Know when they left?"

"Not long. Sonny won't leave the place for long."

"Thanks." Shaking his head he left the man to his drink, no point in adding a drunk to the mix; someday Rick would have to grow up. It wasn't going to be today.

He headed for Sam's and couldn't help but look across at the clinic, even in the dusk settling he could tell that the outside had been spruced up. It would be disappointing to everyone if Sam didn't notice it. He wondered what the inside would be like, he hadn't gotten to help much with the renovations as he had stayed with Sam; he wanted to see it.

He needed to see what was going on first. Sonny and Jack stood in the living room, Sonny looked stressed and irritated but Jack just looked worried. Gus sat on the couch, leaned back and looking exhausted.

"Sam is here?" He was met by three stares. "She left the hospital and got a ride out here with a friend."

"We know that, all she'll stay is that she wanted to come home. What else happened?" Sonny watched him carefully, it was impossible to get someone past him.

"Not exactly sure, I need to talk to her." The only person missing made sense, Livvy was probably in with her. "Livvy is here?"

"Trying to talk to her. Sam just wants to sleep, Livvy is worried about her pain scale."

"Anyone bother the other doctor on the island?"

"No point, he has been nursing his sorrows and dragging his bum to work just in time since Freya left." Gus added, meaning he had been useless this entire time.

"How worried is Livvy? She need to go back?" He wasn't sure what to do but the people here would already know.

"No, mum is home and she wants to stay at home. Let her, we will get her to rest and Livvy is going to check on her." Jack looked stressed but was ready to stand his ground.

"Alright mate, but we need to keep her on bed rest. I need to call the hospital and let them know I found her." That would give Livvy time to deal with her and he could talk to her; he needed to talk.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Sleep had been a dream, she had barely been home at all before people started coming into her room, it was worse than the hospital. Jack first and she had wanted to talk to him, but he had gone and found everyone else and it had been a parade of people with Livvy being last and staying longest. All Sam wanted was to sleep.

When Livvy finally left her be she snuggled down into the blankets and shifted a little to try and find a comfortable spot. Her body still ached, and her friends were worried, her son is worried and yet he stood up to the others about letting her stay home. She didn't want to do that to him, but she belonged here.

She was just settling in to sleep when the door opened again, light flooded the room and Sam groaned unhappily. She really needed to sleep. "Haven't I talked to everybody?"

"No, you left me on the mainland with a lot of people worried about you." His voice made her cold, and that pit of anger boiled again a little; she had left without him for a reason.

"I want to sleep Toby, please let me be." She turned into her pillow, maybe if she ignored him long enough he would go away; she wanted to be left alone.

"I want to talk to you Sam, then you can sleep." He sat on the edge of the bed, another person hesitant to come near her; great. "Why did you come out here?"

"Because I wanted to be left alone, I want to be at home in my home with my son and everybody else to stay out." She snapped, and she wanted people to stop making stupid cracks about her to her face and probably even more behind her back; she was fed up with being a pin cushion.

"You can deal civilly with everyone else, what have I done to tick you off?"

"Last in line, last person keeping me from sleep. I thought I was supposed to sleep, I've been ordered to stay in bed." Only time she actually had a good use for that line. "I want to sleep."

"To bad, it is time for you to listen." His voice was tense and Sam perked a little, he was angry but he still had control of it. "What you did today was stupid and dangerous! You were careless with your health and irresponsible with your life and everyone who was taking care of you; both their jobs and duties as well as their feelings."

Sam cringed a little as he kept going. "And what about Nell? She is probably going to turn up at your room in the morning to see you, and you're not going to be there, poor Kaile is going to have to explain that you pulled a runner because you don't want to be there. Mature Sam, that's very mature and a great example to set for a kid who looks up to you and wishes you were her mom."

"She does not." Sam whispered, Nell had never said anything like that, and the girl had a mother she should know about and remember; not replace.

"Sam you know what that is like, not to have a parent and to have someone be nice to you, to tease you and care about you. She doesn't have to say it, and now, you made a selfish choice and I should pick you up and ship you back." He sighed and Sam winced as she shifted her weight, he was right about a couple things; one being she hadn't considered Nell finding her gone.

"I'm not going back." She said resolutely, no matter how she felt about any of this, or how he made her feel; she wasn't going home.

"No, no you're not, not unless you are hurt. But you are going to go back in a week for a follow up and you are going to be nice and cooperative; like the good patient you aren't." Toby reached to touch her hand and Sam jerked back; instantly hurt again.

"You know what I've done my best, I've tried to cooperate and I've tried to help Kaile out. I listen to the doctor and do what she wanted and still everyone else decided I need to be sedated so I lose four days of my life that I will never remember and still I am difficult. Tell me Toby, how exactly is an unconscious person so difficult? What did I do that was so bad?"

He tried to cut her off but now she was mad. "No, tell me what I did? I'm sorry if I reacted to the drugs, but I never asked you to try and fix it, or for more drugs to be added to the mix. Actually I asked not to have them added but that was overruled too, still I know my body and I know my job; but that didn't matter to anybody. Then I wake up and I'm difficult right off? It is assumed that I'll argue procedures I know are necessary, I made a valid request because I was sick of missing things and then I am mocked because I don't want to tell a kid who is scared that my body is hurting like hell. But not just behind my back or to my face but in front of other people, in front of a kid who is a friend to my son and works in the clinic, in front of a nursing student and nurses who don't even know me. Like I really wanted to stay in that hospital and put up with a couple more days of that, would you? "

"Sam…" He stared at her and she looked at him for a few moments; he didn't come up with anything else.

"Just get out. I am going stay in my home, and look after myself and not hear how bad I am from everyone."

And she didn't want to talk to him anymore, shutting it out was her best option for making him go away so Sam closed her eyes and pointedly ignored him until he sighed dramatically. "I'll be on the couch, we'll talk in the morning."

"Go back to your boat, you have a bed there." She didn't want to see him first thing in the morning any more than she wanted to see him now.

"Sorry Sam, not going to happen." His hand rubbed her leg and she bristled, even as the sheet separated their skin; his attitude bothered her more. It was than anything he said or did, she appreciated what he had done for her but now she needed space.

Keeping her eyes closed she listened to him go and at some point must have drifted to sleep because when she woke light was streaming into her room. And Sam felt incredibly satisfied to wake up in her own bed, even if her body throbbed in disagreement.

Getting up slowly she winced and did a quick mental inventory, her hips were sore and throbbing but not quite as bad as they had been and she didn't feel quite herself. Her body didn't feel as trustworthy as usual but she was going to have a shower, by herself and no audience.

Gathering her towel and clean clothes had her breaking a sweat, the stitches in her side ached. She ran her fingers over them carefully, checking that her skin was knitting; it was safe enough. Now she just had to get there, preferably without Toby.

She was relieved to see that he was passed out on the couch, and there was no sign of Jack; she slipped through. Years of sneaking out of the house early to walk or in the past couple years swim, had served her well and she closed the stall door and slowly took off her clothes and started the water; enjoying how it rushed over her body. Pin pricks of pain shot through her back as she shifted her weight but it was so worth it to wash her face and hair.

Yet it took so much of her energy that she was drained as she made it back into the house and began to put her things away. She bent over to pick up her towel and stood to quickly, Sam's vision swum and she hit the floor; whimpering as pain shot through her.

Sam shut her eyes and tried to control her breathing, it hurt so much; tears welled in her eyes. The door flew open and Sam moaned as Toby was in the room; she was half dressed. "What did you do?"

His eyes were still bleary and he stopped a foot from her and stared. "Get out."

Sam was horrified and embarrassed, trying to push herself up. But it only got worse as she heard Jack's voice. "What's going on?"

"It's alright Jack, go back to bed." Toby answered for her, his body blocking her mostly from his view. "Now."

She heard her son mumbling but she couldn't see him lurking and got herself to her knees, controlling her breathing and trying to keep going. "Sam just stop."

"Leave me alone."

"As soon as you are off the floor you can go back to sulking and being angry with me." His arms slid easily around her and he scooped her up and deposited her on the bed; almost ignoring her state of undress.

She was seething as he handed her a t shirt and a fastened the tie on her shorts loosely. Grudgingly she met his eyes. "Thanks."

Sam didn't want his help and yet as he helped her with her shirt she couldn't ignore the fact that she did need it, and he was being gentle about it; and respectful. Though her swimsuit showed just as much, it was different somehow and she was relieved to be covered.

"Don't suppose I can convince you to take anything?" Toby's hand slid through her hair and she looked at him; she didn't want to take anything.

"I'll just sit on the couch and behave myself today. I won't need to take anything." Sam eased away from him and pushed slowly to her feet; his hand close to her and following her as a close shadow.

Jack was in the living room and looked concerned as she made it to sit on the couch, pushing the blanket away. The energy she had woken up with was completely gone and it was frustrating that she was so relieved to sit down.

"How about I make us all some breakfast?" Toby asked and took the blanket, folding it up and setting it on the far end; Jack nodded eagerly. But the thought made her stomach turn.

"I think I'll pass, I might just have some juice."

"Sam, I thought you were done pouting." Toby gave her a look and she bristled, she was sick of that and of the jibes; she wasn't going to take it at home.

"I don't need to make myself sick eating when I feel a little nauseous, I will try and eat later but I do not need to be accused of pouting. I can take care of myself and make my own choices." Sam glared right back at him.

"Sam." Toby glared right back.

"It's okay mum, we know that." Jack sat besides her trying to break the tension. "Do you want orange juice?"

She felt horrible as her son's eyes begged her and Toby not to fight, she wasn't sure what to do and just nodded. Sam sat on the couch as her son and Toby ate breakfast, she felt almost like an outsider in her own home; she had managed to upset both of them.

Jack ate and helped with the dishes and then disappeared into his room. Toby hung up the towel, disappeared into her room and returned with her notepad and a few pens, she reached for them; he shook his head. "We are going to talk first."

Sam sighed, she didn't want to, but she really didn't think she wanted to get up and around too much right now; she shouldn't do it either. But she wanted her notebook if she was going to stay on the couch all day.

"Look Sam I just want you to get through this. I'm not trying to get under your skin but there are a lot of us worried about you and wanting you to be here. We just wanted you to be feeling better. I'm not going to fight with you, if you take care of yourself."

"Then stop talking to me as if I've gone stupid! I want to get back to my life, and my family." She felt desperate, she didn't want everyone worrying and hovering over her.

"I know Sam. I thought you knew we were just bugging you, I forgot that you were feeling kicked down. You take care of me when I don't want it but its payback; you need to live with it." Her hand was in his and squeezed gently, Sam felt her shoulders slump; he wasn't going to go away.

"Do I get something to do at least?" She asked hopefully.

He gave her a smile and handed over the notebook. "I will even walk over to the clinic and get you some notes if you want. But you need to rest because everyone wants you to take a walk this afternoon."

"Why?" She asked suspiciously, that turn around was a little quick; she was waiting for a snarky reply.

"Wait and see. I'm going to take a shower, yell if you need anything." He got up and started to leave and then looked back at her; Sam gave him her best innocent look. "I'll sic your son on you."

"I'll stay here." She would, she had a long to do list to write out, and things to plan when she got back to the clinic; maybe even tomorrow if she could convince Toby she could sit in a chair anywhere.

But Nell would also be back in a few days, and need some time to get used to being home and catch up on her school work but then Sam had a promise to keep. She needed to have some of her notes ready to type and reports hand written, which was actually her preferred way to do up her work; it would be nice not to have to type it. But everything had to be ready and carefully proofread first.

She felt bad thinking about Nell, but she wasn't sure what to do. Sam knew it would be at least a few days before the girl was released from the hospital but she didn't want to make the trip back to see her. And wasn't sure that calling would really accomplish anything.

Then what Toby said had also made her feel slightly uncomfortable with reaching out to Nell, it already felt like she had made a mistake with Jack in pushing him away to try and keep him from seeing her weak. She wouldn't regret it but she wanted to fix things with her own son, he needed a mum, not a friend and she worried that maybe this wasn't the right way to handle it.

She had done her bit for Nell, maybe leave that until she got home and focus on her own child for a few days. Nell would want some of her attention once she was back but by then Sonny would be busy and need Jack's help and Nell would be working with her again; it might be a better time. She had to get it all worked out.

She needed a drink first, and thankfully she was alone in the living room, Jack was in his room and Toby was undoubtedly lurking somewhere. Sam wanted to get off the couch a moment and setting her empty juice glass on the coffee table she eased her way forward and pushed up. Hopefully she could make this trip without a fall. She made it to the sink and rinsed her glass, then out of habit looked out the window above the sink; and dropped the glass.

Her heart pounded as she looked at her clinic; it was completely different. Fresh paint and the roof looked new, a broken rail had been repaired but part of the veranda had been closed in; they had messed with her clinic while she was away.

There was fear in Jack's voice and she winced when he touched her back. "Mum?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One**

"Mum what's wrong?" Jack heard the glass crack and left his desk, he found her in the kitchen staring out the window. He realized it as soon as he was in line with her, she was looking at the clinic. "Mum?"

She acted as if she hadn't even heard him until he touched her back, she flinched slightly and looked at him. "I'm okay, I am alright Jack. Who was working on the clinic?"

"All of us." He couldn't help a small smile; he wanted her to see it. She would be excited. "Toby was going to take you over later."

"But with Malcolm, the whole study is still up in the air." He slid his hand into hers, she sounded so worried and in a way he understood; he knew how important all of this was to her.

"No Mum, they got the funding and did the renos, dad was out to help and so was McCage. You'll like it." He wanted to keep going but some of the stuff he could barely pronounce and some things weren't in yet; it would just be better if she saw it.

"Really?" Jack felt her pitch back a bit and wrapped his arms around her, not ready for that to have her whimpering and trying to get free. "I, I can't Jack."

"It's okay. I got you." He was struggling to hold her as she pulled away, he didn't want her to fall again.

"Let go, please Jack, it hurts." She whimpered and he tried to shift his hands to hold her sides; at least take some of her weight. "I'm okay, I really am."

"No she is not, mate let me." Toby was crossing the room quickly, tossing his towel on the couch and Jack was relieved; he had no idea what to do. "Where'd they stick you Sam?"

He hadn't let her go yet and Jack felt sick as her hand laid just above his, he was hurting her. "Sorry mum."

"Don't be, you're keeping her on her feet. Let's trade places. Sam, I'm gonna pick you up." Jack stepped back as Toby swung her easily into his arms, his hands behind her knees and her shoulder the man let her ease back against him. "I think you've had enough excitement for now. Why were you up?"

"Water." She stuttered, Jack flipped on the tap and quickly filled the glass, following Toby to the couch. "Did everybody know about the clinic but me?"

"Nell doesn't." He put in, not that it would help much.

Jack was relieved to see her resting a bit, she had gone very pale and the color was returning to her cheeks. He had seen his mum in pain before but not like this, and he wished he knew more what to do; he was glad to have Toby there.

He watched as she took deep breaths and slowly relaxed, for a few moments not fighting them. She looked at them both and Jack felt uncomfortable; waiting for her to talk to them. He knew she would want to see the clinic.

"That is where you want me to go?"

"We need the lecture we are due, I think it would do everyone good to see you back there; even if only for a minute or two." Toby was oddly talkative and patient Jack thought, not that he minded being able to fade into the back ground.

"You drive me nuts." Her face was dead serious as she stared at Toby and Jack turned away, trying not to laugh.

"Same to you." Toby glanced back at him and for a moment Jack felt like an intruder. "Why don't you warn Livvy she is going to give a tour in a few moments?"

"Yeah. Mum's not going to walk over is she?" He didn't think Toby would let her but he wanted to be sure, he didn't want her to be in pain again.

"We are going to talk about that right now." Toby replied even as his mum nodded, Jack walked away; he would let them fight it out.

Leaving the house he walked over to the clinic, he wondered what she would notice first and what would matter the most. He hoped it would be the live specimen booth, he had spent time working on it with Gus and it was pretty cool to walk into; though it ended the wrap around deck.

But the waiting room was nearly the same, just a coat of paint, it was the exam rooms that had switched around and her office was very different. The lab was full of equipment with the promise of more, James McCage seemed to believe that the clinic was on the verge of something great but the man had asked a lot of questions about the situation with Nell, and about his mum; as a person.

The guy was too old for her, way too old, but Jack had a feeling it was something else he wanted; it was something to do with her research. It wasn't the venom cream and it wasn't Irukandji, which Gus and Livvy felt was going to be her next project, Jack had a feeling it was about a cure though. He had been meaning to look up some back ground on the man and try to figure it out.

Still they wouldn't turn away his money, Gus knew the foundation and there was a lot of competition for their funding, and when they gave they gave big. Jack was just waiting for the catch, at least so far it didn't seem to be a trade-off; it was just what would come once Mum was back on her feet.

He told Livvy that Toby was going to bring Mum over and then headed back to the lab to find Gus. He was working on getting all the trackers activated to tag sea snakes to up venom collection as the study took off. Gus had one out on the table and Jack watched as he inserted the tracker under the snake's skin and then coiled it around his arm to take it back to the tanks.

"Hey Jack, your mum resting?" The man walked past him and into the room walled with tanks with two large round ones at the back for the Irukandji project, there were two smaller ones on a lower shelf for when the breeding project started.

"No, she is going to come and see the clinic."

"Sam's home." Gus laughed and secured the lid on the tank. "Toby bringing her over?"

"Yeah." He replied as the man stripped off his gloves and looked around at all his snakes, Jack didn't mind snakes but didn't quite share the affection Gus had for them.

He knew they interested his mum but it was more their venom and what they could do than she actually liked the creature. It was the same for most of the animals his mum studied, it was what they could do more than genuine enjoyment, and they were interesting but not very cuddly. They had never really had pets but it wasn't sure if that was because of the research animals around or because first they had lived in a town house and now out on the island.

Jack had sometimes thought it would be nice to have a pet, other than the parrot that liked their perch and spying on everyone in the shower. A dog, he thought, maybe he could train it to watch his mum, and protect the house; but it might not be fair for it to live out here. He was pulled from his thoughts as Gus finished checking on his 'research pets' and smacked him on the back. "C'mon let's see what she thinks."

They made it to the porch in time to see Toby carrying his mum across the yard, her jaw was set and she didn't look happy even as se assessed her clinic. He kept his face purposely straight he nudged Gus when he started laughing.

"Sorry mate, just a sight we won't get twice." Gus straightened up as Toby stepped onto the porch and he saw his mum shifting; wanting to be on her own feet.

"Just take it easy Sam, you've done yourself enough damage already today." Toby's hands stayed on her, ready in case she couldn't support her weight.

"I have not." She retorted but he saw her grab the post on the deck to steady herself. "What have you guys done?"

"The cat's away the rats will play." Livvy quipped and stepped beside Sam, easily brushing Toby off and leading her into the clinic. "We left the main layout alone, you still have your office and two exam rooms then the lab but things have moved around."

Jack followed and watched, his mum moved stiffly but didn't lean on Livvy and supported her own weight as she looked around the clinic, her eyes bright with curiosity and interest. Everyone recognized that as much as they all were a part of the clinic this was her space, they had missed her and were interested in how she would like the changes.

But she asked only a few questions of where things had been moved and what some gaps were left for as they toured the lab and exam rooms; Livvy was saving her office for last. Jack was curious about it, if she didn't like it she would take up residence at the kitchen island to do her reports, if she did he would barely get to see her. Livvy had insisted on adding a half wall, almost like an island between a storage wall with a door to the lab and the rest of the office with a stool; he wasn't sure why but it had been important.

Still when he saw his mum's smile he knew she had been right but he still wasn't sure why. She looked at all her books and her desk then glared at the wall where they had mounted some of her diploma's and certificates; he had found them tucked in a box at home. "Those can come down."

"Sam that can't be your only comment on the office." Toby was rolling his eyes, leaning against the door frame but Jack smiled; it wasn't right but he knew it was okay. Even if they left them up they would only last until she could take them down herself.

"It's not." Her voice was soft and Jack looked at her sharply, suddenly worried; she had walked around the clinic and it easily could have been too much. "It's all incredible…. I just don't know what to say."

"That's a first." They all smiled a little and Jack relaxed as she looked at her desk; not any of them. It was what she always did if she was tearing up, Livvy was close and she rubbed her back a bit.

"Where is Rick? The clinic is open today, he should be here?" She was still focused on the desk but Jack did realize he had yet to see the other doctor.

"He is on the back deck, it has been a quiet day." Livvy replied. Jack didn't understand why he wasn't here, he hadn't seen her last night and he didn't seem to care. Sonny was standing in the hall by Gus, a silent watcher in the event but he had left the back packers to come; they had all helped. And they had done it for her.

She made a soft sound and didn't say anything, Jack looked at the ground for a moment; he wondered why Rick stayed away. "He probably has some reports to do up."

"More likely he is hung over and doesn't want to see you." Toby put in, Jack stayed silent; neither of them should excuse him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Sam headed for the beach, she was finally left alone for a bit. Toby was helping move something else into the clinic and Jack was watching an online lecture. No one was questioning that she wasn't still at the kitchen table writing out reports and notes from files she had left far too long.

She had been home two days and had yet to get to the beach, her jailers were that she not exert herself. But the beach was her favourite place, she loved watching the water; it was relaxing. Nothing else was, between being home and half the people not thinking she should be and all the changes at the clinic and people wanting her to react she had very little energy to relax.

To put it all away and just be still, and think, Sam needed that now more than ever. To sort out her own head and put her life back together. She needed to step away from being told to sit down and take it easy, or being asked what she thought of the clinic when it brought tears to her eyes. She didn't know how to respond to her friends right now; to any of it.

She had to get it all sorted before she began to lose it and before Nell got home. And if things went well the young girl could be home in the next few days. Sam didn't need to be a wreck to prove that she had left to soon; it was time to move forward.

She had promised Nell a job, one that she could do safely and intended to deliver on that, she needed to get back into her research and figure out all the little changes they had made to that clinic. To talk outright with her son and figure out what was happening between her and Toby; it was time do to it.

Sam toed off her shoes and walked the beach to find a shady spot out of the way, feeling the sand between her toes. She would have loved to wade into the ocean but knew she wouldn't stop at her knees, and she couldn't do that. She needed to let her body heal, she couldn't worry her friends any more than she already had, and she had come home to heal.

She was happy here and she belonged, she wasn't going back to the mainland until she felt better so that no one would feel the need to poke at her. Sam knew that eventually she would have to return, for her research or to steal a nursing student. But it was only going to be a day trip.

And she had a few things to sort out here first, starting with the clinic. She had to be able to walk into it without tearing up, a small part of her was furious with them for excluding her from the work; but it was so touching to see it done. And she had found a small packet of notes tucked in her top drawer from people she often treated but was proud to call friend; she hadn't been able to make it all the way through them.

Sam wasn't ready to think about how people seemed to be reacting to her choice, she expected people to be irritated with her for leaving the clinic for so long but no one was. People out here were so different, they accepted what she had to do, they made her feel a little awkward but they didn't complain about their own inconvenience. They asked about her health and about Nell's, and offered to help with her house work while lecturing her to stay off her feet. And then banded together to do the renovation on the clinic.

It made her feel so at home and safe, she didn't worry about her son being around any of these people, and she wanted him to soak up their generosity. To take this part of his life forward with him forever, she wanted him to stay here with her forever; but he had to find his own way. She was proud to be a part of this community, and to call these people friends. Now she just had to make them understand that the work they did was more for them than her.

She worked in the clinic and was possessive of it but it had been built for a reason; and it was fulfilling that. The clinic was meant to be the center of the community, a safe haven for everyone. She was the body behind the scenes, she tended the injuries and listened to the problems; the clinic was for them. Her oath was for them, just as her research was; it was to improve life.

The improvements benefited them all and she was glad that they had all played a part, it just felt like hers had become rather small; at least in the improvement part of it. She was glad to work in it, and Gus promised that there was more to come as they rounded out some things that had taken some time. She was a little nervous to explore it all, especially now that she was reading through some old files and ideas were coming back to her.

It was great living and working out here, surrounded by nature allowed so many possibilities and if she needed to test something she just had to go on a hike and find the critter. She could do the tests and put them away in her files and work slowly at it; the possibilities were endless. Sam was eager to get back to it, but it was hard to get into the clinic; she was watched like a hawk.

She was feeling relieved that she had been left alone as long as she had, it was nice to have some space and to watch other people. The beach was busy as it always was this time of year and sometimes Sam just liked to watch people enjoy their vacations; she was glad to live here all the time. The ocean was out her front window and the rainforest was her back yard, it was a wonderful escape.

She was lucky to have grown up here and she hoped that Jack would appreciate the time he had here. The closeness of the community and the beauty of the area. She wished she had let him grow up here from a baby, to have had this support for his entire life; it would have been good for them both.

Sam closed her eyes and leaned back, letting the sun hit her face; this was good. It was good for her, and sometimes she did know best for herself; even though she knew a few would argue it. She could fall asleep right here, it was so nice.

"You making a jail break again are you?" Sam blinked as someone stepped into her sunlight for a moment and then he dropped down beside her.

"I'm just sitting in the sun and enjoying it." She gave him an innocent smile, Sonny wasn't likely going to lecture her.

"Need some air sometimes?"

"Don't we all? I've been home two days, I needed to get back to the beach." Sam leaned against his shoulder, she could always count on Sonny, but she would hear his opinion in time.

"They are just taking care of you the best they know how." He put his hand on her knee and it brought tears to her eyes; everything that was rolling just under the surface spilled over. "You just need some space."

"How can I, when they have done so much? All of you have done so much, with the clinic and taking care of Jack. I know they are trying to help and I know I should have a good answer but I don't." Her tears threatened to spill over and she laughed a little as he just stared at her. "I'm not making any sense am I?"

"No, no you aren't but not for the reasons you think." Sonny chuckled and Sam wiped her eyes, she didn't want to cry. "Sam everyone was happy to pitch in on the clinic and Jack is a grown boy, he needs little caring for. When someone here is sick or hurt they come to you, tell me the last time you cared when it was midnight, or the weekend? You get up and you help, Nell got sick and we were all sorry, you stood up and you helped. It's touched a lot of hearts and it is a story that is going to follow you the rest of your life."

"But…" She started and got shushed.

"I'm not done you difficult little thing. People don't care about your answer they just want to see you happy and so far all we've seen is pain. First time I've seen you look truly happy was a moment ago and now I've got you in tears. You don't have to go straight back to being tough, just take some time for you. The rest of us can wait."

"They shouldn't have to." Sam protested, she didn't want this to change things, she was happy out here. It didn't need to get hard.

"Sam everyone has been in to see you home and poke a bit so let them wait to see you running around again. Jack is alright and so is Livvy, Gus is just relieved that you are back to give him some direction and Rick is rethinking a few things because he wouldn't have made the choice you have and that isn't something anyone wants to realize. Everyone will come to terms with it in time." Sonny stared out at the water and Sam looked at him, he could read people better than anyone.

"Is that why he is avoiding me? Two days is a long time to avoid someone around here, two hours is hard enough." She had struggled to get even half that, especially with Toby crashed on her couch every night.

"Let him, he has a lot to figure out in life. It's good for him."

"We are supposed to work together, I don't need him ducking me at every chance." She also didn't need him to get strange around Nell.

"It will all take time Sam, and we need to see you up and around a bit. Even if your men would keep you stashed away."

"How are they my men? I only take credit for Jack. Just can't shake Toby."

Sonny just harrumphed and she glared at him, he had said it.

"I mean that, the man is being a pest; he has invited himself into my house and stayed." Even though she was a bit glad of his help; she was slowly adjusting to having him around. It just rubbed that he watched her like a hawk and told her what to do; and what not to.

"He means well, and someday I'll need him back at the backpackers." Sonny smiled at her knowingly.

"Yeah I know, but I might deck him yet."

"I'd like to see that, you two going head to head would be entertaining." Sonny got to his feet and Sam looked up at him; his laughter was contagious.

"Glad to provide your entertainment, least I can get a few things right." Sam pushed herself up and was grateful for his help as he offered a hand to steady her.

"You've got more than a few things right Sam." He kept hold of her hand. "Your dad would be proud, he would be as proud of you as we are."

He squeezed her shoulders and walked away, leaving her to stare at the ocean a moment longer; she did have truly great friends. Finally she turned away and headed back to find her shoes, she wanted to get home; her side was feeling achy. It would be good to get home and maybe settle on the couch with a file to read, if she was lucky the boys would be busy awhile yet.

She had just gotten comfortable with a cup of tea on the table and a position that was relatively comfortable when Toby stormed in. He slammed the door and she opened her mouth to say something but the look in his eyes stopped her. "You heard?"

"What?" Sam asked confused, obviously she had missed something else and fear instantly coiled inside of her.

"They're making Laurie come back to work before his kid's even out of the hospital. Replacement bailed and they've ordered him back, he took his vacation days rather than a leave." Toby dragged a hand through his hair and paced, she understood his outrage but at the same time it could be far worse; his reaction was so strong to it.

"Can't they do something? Does he have any more time left?" Sam sat up, it wasn't just going to be hard for Laurie, and Nell had been relying heavily on her father whether she realized it or not.

"I don't know, he's fought it out; they want him back her by Wednesday; and Nell will be released Friday morning. Do people have any values anymore?" Toby paced in front of her, angry as if it was his own child he was being told to leave; sickness coiled in her gut.

"When can Nell leave Friday?" The kid shouldn't have to be alone, that was the last thing she needed.

"Morning as far as I know, this is just stupid; it's a couple days." Toby didn't stop and Sam's mind was kicking into action.

"He has been off for a while and if they haven't had a good replacement they will want him back here; he has more responsibilities than just Hope Island." Sam didn't feel like playing good cop but she knew from trying to organize leaving the clinic just how hard it could be.

"I know that it is just not right, any of this." Toby was still pacing and she sensed he was talking about more than Nell.

"Toby sometimes it is a part of life and of all of this Laurie coming back to work early is a simple fix; one of us can just go over and stay with Nell the last day or so and bring her home. Laurie will be home in the evenings and she can come here or to the clinic during the day; and she will have school work to catch up on as well." Sam sat up a little straighter and shifted to the edge of the couch, suddenly conscious of the sand rubbing off her feet.

"You stay put, I take it you went for a walk; without your shoes?" Toby sat next to her, he didn't look impressed but at least not as irritated as when he first arrived.

"Just on the beach, and I had company; Sonny joined me."

"Uhuh. The phrase take it easy never makes sense to you does it?" He rolled his eyes at her, and Sam bristled; she couldn't help it.

"I've been doing pretty good all considering, and I am getting farther and farther behind; not to mention I have a member of my staff avoiding me. Not to mention it sounds like you have some trips to the mainland to make." Sam tried to turn his attention back to that topic; and away from her being semi normal.

"I'm not taking you along for the ride. You are staying here where we can keep an eye on you. It will only take a few hours and you can go read files at the backpackers while I am gone." Toby patted her knee and Sam glared.

"I am not a child who needs to be watched and I haven't even asked you to take me with you. But someone should go and stay with Nell and seeing is I am the only person who currently isn't busy…."

"Sam!"

"Well it's true. She shouldn't be alone, we both agree on that. You can't exactly stay with her, who else can?" She wasn't going to give up on this, she was feeling a little caged and as much as she didn't want to go back to the mainland it was something useful for her to do.

"Sam you don't need to, I'm sure something can be worked out." Toby was staring at her intently and she felt a little bad; but she wasn't going to give in.

"Nell and Laurie just have us, Sonny can't close the backpackers and Livvy and Gus are needed at the clinic. Who else?" He looked away, and she knew she had him.

"You shouldn't be staying in those chairs and trying to help her when you are just getting around yourself."  
>"Stop treating me like an invalid, I am getting around just fine and I can take care of myself. You were the one who told me I shouldn't have left her; so now you don't think I should go back?" Sam wanted to get up and walk around just to annoy him. "I don't get why your acting like this is so personal to you. Nell's not your kid and I'm not your problem; don't blame me for trying to live my life. I never asked you to intervene."<p>

"Sam…." He trailed off but the pain in his voice made her think twice. "Sam I won't watch you get hurt again, whether it's your doing or not. That wasn't right, you don't see it and I don't think you ever will but I have never seen someone like that, and never by their choice. I would rather have you spitting mad at me any day."

"Toby, it wasn't that bad, it could have been far worse…"

"I'm not saying I disagree with you on what you did Sam, I understand that Nell touches a cord for you and that she is a kid. But you didn't see yourself, you don't know what it was to watch you go through it. You aren't yourself yet and it isn't going to feel right until you are and maybe that won't happen until you see this through; but I want the old Sam back. The one that would steal my vodka and drink it, and accuse me of stalking when I am offering her a ride." His hands cupped her cheeks and Sam pulled back a little; surprised by the sincerity in his voice.

Rarely did Toby talk emotions, usually he blew everything off and ignored her suggestions and her lectures. She froze, their brief kiss a few months back had never been repeated and never answered her questions; but now she felt even more conflicted.

"You shouldn't have been drinking when your blood pressure was out of wack." It sounded stupid but it was the best she could come up with when he was staring at her; his hands warm against her skin.

"I liked the empty bottle left on the dock in the morning; you and Livvy had quite the night I heard." He leaned closer and she stiffened, Jack was somewhere and he could walk in at any moment; but Toby just rested his forehead against hers. "I don't want to see you in pain again."

His skin was warm against hers and she could feel his breath on her cheek, it was terrifying, Toby was her friend and something else; something she didn't want to mess up. She stayed quiet, she didn't know what to say; she was horrible at emotional stuff.

One of his hand slid over her shoulder and down her back, his touch light as if he were exploring and it made her shiver until he smoothed his hand against her back and pulled her closer; tucking her against his side. He was warm and his hands were strong, she felt safe and oddly she thought of Andrew; it felt so different to be in Toby's arms. Was it wrong that this felt better? It was so different from what she had before, his intentions had always been clear; Toby confused her to no end. Maybe it was because there wasn't the hurt there, they had friendship that wasn't marked by the pain of growing apart.

She curled into him and rested her cheek against his chest, his heart beat loud and strong, his arms around her, even relaxed looked like tight ropes and his skin was darkened from the sun. He was her friend, and he was more; but he was leaving it up to her.

"You know I still want to go to stay with Nell." She hoped he wasn't going to push her away, and just in case she linked her hands around his back.

"I know you are Sam. But then you are coming home to stay off your feet for another week." He squeezed her just a little and she stiffened.

"I'm not taking another week away from the clinic; the weekend at most." She tipped her chin up to find him looking down at her, his chest shook as he chuckled.

"We'll see."

"You should talk to Laurie."

"In a bit. You stay put a little longer." She smiled and nuzzled against him; not letting him see that she was happy to stay right where she was.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three**

He stood in the wheelhouse taking surreptitious glances back as Sam stood on the dock talking to Sonny and Jack. It was a no brainer that Jack was unhappy about Sam leaving again, but Toby had a feeling the kid understood it more than he was letting on. It had to be hard to have his mum worrying so much about someone else's child.

Jack and Sam were tough but of late he knew of a lot of secrets Jack was keeping from his mum; it was a wedge that Sam had no idea about. He knew how hard it was to live with a secret from someone you cared about and a few of Jack's were large and having an honest relationship with someone without having questions asked was a challenge.

Toby knew that Sam had felt Jack pulling back, but the sudden desire to have her around would be hard for her; for them both. Finally Sam stepped on board and Sonny moved to release the line before walking back with Jack; hopefully reminding the young man that Sam needed this.

He would drop Sam off and pick up Laurie and take him out to the Ranger's Station on a neighboring island where he had to check in and then get his own boat for patrol. Toby was going to come back to Hope and try to talk to Jack. There was no point in hovering over Sam, she needed her space and she had made that clear; not to mention it was the only way to get her to relax a bit.

He eased away from the shore and glanced back as Sam wandered towards the wheelhouse, she looked a little sad and he felt bad. She came in and leaned against the side panel; he wasn't going to leave that alone. "Come over here."

"Why?" She gave him a skeptical look and Toby grinned; this would be fun.

"You've got a new research boat, doesn't work the same as the old one; more like this. Make yourself useful." He stepped back from the controls as Sam came over, giving him a dirty look.

"I guess I need to learn some time." Sam stood beside him and Toby reached out for her. "Hey, I can see. What do I have to do?"

"Never known you to be shy." Toby snaked a hand around her hip and tugged her in front of him, enjoying the fact he could easily look over her shoulder, and took her hand, guiding her through the controls.

"Is the new boat already there and I just haven't seen it yet?"

"No, it is still on the mainland getting outfitted for you to dangle off it with a little more security than a rope. And I don't think there is much you've left alone on your prowls." Sam didn't rest well, and he knew every time she got the chance she slipped off somewhere, but so far she seemed to be doing alright.

"I don't prowl." Sam repaid him with an elbow to the gut. "And we just replaced the outboard on the research vessel."

"The whole thing needed to be replaced, now zip it and watch the navigation system. You are going to have a lot more to watch on yours, there is going to be a tracking system mounted with all your colonies of water bound creepers on it. You should know how to read it even if Gus will do most of the driving." He threw in a few barbs just to see her glare.

"I can manage just fine and I'll learn to read it."

"No hitting it." Her elbow hit his ribs again and Toby pressed himself against her back; effectively preventing her from getting any more shots at him.

"Toby." Her voice was tense and he knew he'd took a chance; now he had to see if she'd chew him out. Slowly he slid one hand off the controls and around her waist, holding her gently in place. Waiting to see if she was going to fight it.

"We got a couple hours to go, and you aren't used to how she handles; I should be close." And he liked it, even if he could feel the stiffness of the stitches through her thin top as she relaxed against him. He still had to be careful with her, and not just with her emotions.

"That's a lame excuse and you know it." Sam replied but stayed where she was, resting against his chest, he could get used to this, he could get very used to it.

"Right, there's nothing for you to hit out here." Sam shot a glare at him as soon as he said it.

"Well you're available."

"Just take it easy now." He joked, sliding his hands back over hers. "No need for threats."

"I'd never hit you." Her voice was soothing but he could feel the contradiction coming. "To hard."

"Good thing you are pint size, I think I can ward you off."

"Put that old Navy training to good use."

He laughed but it felt a little brittle, he knew Sam's joke was innocent; but there was so much about that she didn't know. That he had never felt safe enough to tell anyone, not even the counsellor the Navy required him to see; it was one of the reasons he had been discharged. If the timing was right he thought he could tell her.

Now was not the time and as they fell into an easy silence he thought about what he did want to tell her someday. Sam's eyes flitted between the open water in front of them and the controls and gages on the dash. She had a natural carefree beauty that was as unchanging as her personality.

Sam would never be someone she was not for very long, she couldn't put it on; she wore her values on her sleeve where he had a feeling her heart had once been. Stubborn and compassionate she would always do what she thought was right and necessary; and put herself last. He had already got a good demonstration of that and he knew he wanted to be the one to put her first; he wanted to be the one to earn that soft grin she had when she was truly happy. He wondered what they could have, and how long he could wait; how long he would have to wait.

For now she was focused on the task at hand and Toby watched her scan the gauges and consider the controls. He rested a hand on her side and enjoyed the view as they cut through the water towards the mainland. Partially amazed that she allowed him to stay close, and to hold her.

They came into the marina slowly as Sam tested how the boat really handled and he stood tense as she brought it up to the dock. Sam could handle the boat though and they pulled alongside smoothly. "Good job."

Sam glanced back at him and grinned, and stepped around him to grab the bag she had dropped near the back of the boat. "Thanks Toby."

He nodded, Laurie Saunders stood on the dock, watching them; he wouldn't make her uncomfortable. And as she headed for the dock he saw her shifting the weight of her bag, it was hard for her to push so far; but he wouldn't have her any other way. She stepped onto solid ground and was met by the ranger, Toby watched the brief conversation that seemed to take something out of Sam.

It made his back stiffen, he was getting to comfortable in her life to fast and he knew it. But it was frustrating to wait in the wheel house for her to handle it and head off along the docks. He wished he knew what was said, but Laurie Saunders joined him in the wheel house with a stiff frame and a blank expression. This trip would be a fast shift from the one he had just made.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four**

Toby put her at ease and kept her close to him, Sam liked it; and liked that he didn't try anything more. She also knew that to let someone else drive the Medusa was not something he did very often; in fact this was the first time she could remember. Maybe she was the only other person, but common sense told her that probably wasn't the case; though it did serve to improve her mood.

Sam was feeling alright after successfully docking the boat and letting Toby take over the controls, almost wishing that in two days the trip back would just be them again; but it would be time for Nell to come home. She knew on the island they would get little alone time and gossip would start up fast if he hung around her place to much longer, he would know it too; and she had a feeling he would bail.

She wouldn't blame him but for now she pushed it all back, now she had to face Nell, and try to encourage the kid to spend two more days in the hospital. She couldn't jail break the girl, and her choice was likely not going to help things; especially with Nell's fiery attitude. She had feeling she might have to earn back a little of the ground she had made before; but she wouldn't blame Nell for that.

With her bag slung on her shoulder and a hand keeping it from rubbing against her side Sam stepped up onto the dock. The bag swung and her balance lurched a bit, but she kept it and started off; a hand grabbed her arm. Spinning she winced as the bag rubbed her side, it wasn't the side they had cut into but small incisions had been made around her front for tools and the combination left her middle feeling rather sensitive.

"Sam, I, I need to talk to you." Laurie Saunders didn't let her go until he realized she was staring at her arm in his grip and dropped it quickly; it shook her a little. Many of the men on Hope had the potential to be mean, they knew how and were strong enough to damage but they all kept a careful check on it. Laurie was one of them, she had seen him spitting mad, and the only tell was his voice, but Sonny had some old stories; Toby was much the same. This wasn't mean, it was desperate.

"Alright." She was feeling a little thrown and the fact that there was nowhere private to go did not help.

"Nell, Sam I appreciate all you've done and I can't pay that back but I don't want to see Nell hurt. She is all I've got and there are some things she doesn't know and..." The man trailed off, Sam stared at him confused. "She is putting you in her life in a way you don't want."

"What?"

"Don't hurt my child." The man stared at her and Sam stared back feeling a little hurt. "You wouldn't mean it."

He stepped around her and onto Toby's boat, as if he had said his piece and was done with her. She glanced back to find Toby watching, and he looked away quickly. Feeling a little disheartened she turned and headed down the docks.

Something was wrong between them, Nell must have said something or was really upset that she had gone home without talking to her. Suddenly Sam was feeling much more nervous about seeing Nell and staying with her.

She walked a few blocks to calm herself and she felt her side start to ache, it was irritating that she couldn't walk the entire way. She had been able to before, but right now she didn't have a chance; and hailed a cab to drop her at the hospital.

She swallowed hard as she walked into the hospital, there were some people who were not going to be happy with her and she was sort of hoping to dodge them. The door to Nell's room was closed and Sam hesitated a moment before she opened it. Nell might not be please with her if Laurie's speech was anything to go by, and she might be unhappy about her father leaving as well.

Sam stole herself for the little spitfire's attitude, knocking on the door she stepped around the door. Nell was in a chair by the window, Sam glanced over to see the curtain around the other bed; Nell had a roommate. She hadn't expected that, but it might keep the girl at a low.

"Hey Nell." She walked over to lean on the arm of the chair, setting her bag behind it.

"Thought you went home already." Nell's tone was guarded and Sam swallowed hard; maybe the kid really didn't want her here.

"I didn't think you would want to stay by yourself." Sam was trying to read Nell's eyes and feeling a little beat down; something about this place.

"I get it you know, why you wanted to leave; you don't have to stay. I'm not a kid." The girl's tone said one thing but her eyes said another and to Sam Nell was still a kid; when she was Jack's age she probably always would be.

"Alright, but I'm here for the next few days anyway; I don't want to make an extra trip for Toby." Sam eased into a chair near her.

"You can stay if you want. I guess." Nell looked away and Sam hid her smile.

"Alright." Sam could feel Nell watching her, but every time she glanced at her Nell looked away. They played that game for a few moments.

"Sam." Finally the girl met her eyes. "Have you got your stitches out yet?"

"Not yet, but soon, yours can come out around the same time."

"Will you take them out? They haven't said anything as long as I get regular blood work I can stay at home."

"We can take care of both those things at the clinic easily." And Nell knew that, but her question sounded sincere.

"I don't want everybody to see." Nell's voice was so soft that Sam barely caught it. "I don't want Livvy or Rick to see, everybody already thinks I'm a freak."

"No one is going to think you are a freak, if you don't want anyone else to see it I'll take care of it. You are going to have to accept the scar, it isn't going to go away." Sam realized she had found a sore spot for Nell, and she could understand it.

"Nobody has to see it. You going to let Rick take yours out?"

"No." She wasn't sure what she was going to do, maybe let Livvy take care of it; she couldn't reach to do most of them herself. In truth Sam felt the same insecurity as the teen, she wasn't eager to let anyone see the scar.

"What about me?"

"No." She shook her head and finally earned a smile from Nell.

"If you do it yourself can I watch?"

"It won't be that entertaining, especially if Livvy does it for me." Sam was a little taken aback by the girl's interest in her stitches. "Do you want to see mine come out before yours?"

"Not if Livvy's around." Nell looked away with a scowl as Sam remembered the cold war with the nurse practitioner; she wished it would end.

"Livvy can leave if you want, but you know her job, she is hard on you because she is in charge of you at work. You usually have as many snarky comments for her as she does lines to keep you under some control. You drive her nuts some days but you've had days like that with all of us. She won't treat you with anything other than respect." Sam bristled a little, she cared for Nell but also for Livvy and she needed the woman to run the clinic but more than that she knew her; Livvy meant the girl no harm.

"Great, somebody else to pity me." Nell's eyes were dark and Sam wanted to sigh, why did the girl have to be so difficult at times?

"Who exactly do you think is pitying you Nell? The nurses? No, it is their job to care for you. Your father? He loves you and is afraid for you because he has already lost someone he loved, someone who loved you to this. That is not pity." Sam stood up, keeping her voice down but her tone was deadly and she knew her annoyance was in her eyes.

Nell stepped around her, giving her a disgusted look and. "You do, and really, I've got school stuff."

"Not right now you don't!" Sam caught her arm firmly, and pressed herself against Nell's back pushing the girl to the bed. The kid was mad and Sam didn't want to get elbowed or hurt but this needed to be dealt with; and Nell wasn't getting out of it. "Sit."

"Why? I go home Friday and I'll stay out of your way; alright? I know you don't want me in the clinic and Sonny won't want me around the backpackers so I'll do school stuff and in two years I'll go to Uni and I won't come back." Nell was trying to jerk away from her but she was too close to the bed, Sam sat and pulled her down beside her.

"Where did this come from? You wanted to come home and stay a few days ago? What happened?" She held onto the girl that would not look at her. "And I do not pity you Nell."

"You. You happened, I thought you cared and you treated me like a mum would." Nell's voice got very small but Sam heard and felt floored.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five**

Sam wouldn't move away and being close to her only made Nell more uncomfortable. Her plan of being cool around Sam failed inside five minutes, her dad treated her like a baby and everybody else treated and expected her to be a brat and usually she met expectation; Sam didn't.

She always did, even when Nell knew the woman was mad at her, it was the way she hoped a mum would treat her; it was the way Sam handled her own son. Nell liked it, she liked being around her and when she'd talked to Sam before she'd gone and found her room empty; Sam had made her feel special.

And then she was gone. Nell wanted to talk to her and the room had been empty and she'd actually come back to find her room full. It wasn't fair, her friend was gone and there was a stranger in the bed across from her; the woman just seemed to watch her. She was relieved when the doctor pulled the curtain around the bed and kept it that way.

Mostly she just pretended to sleep and ended up thinking, slowly it was making her scared to go home; and scared to see Sam. Then her dad had to tell her Sam was coming back; Nell was scared. She decided to keep herself cool but she had questions she wanted to ask and Sam would know the answer and it went bad fast.

Now Sam was trying to pull her close, and a couple days ago Nell would have curled up, she had wished for that when she was little. To have a mum to hold her in her arms and for a second someone had given her that; now it was gone. It wasn't the same with her dad, she was too old to crawl into his lap, and she couldn't ask him stuff.

But Sam didn't let her go and Nell relaxed, curling into the woman's side and to her own horror feeling close to tears. She didn't want to do this, she had had it figured, and now it was all wrong again.

"I do not pity you Nell." Sam repeated herself and Nell wished she could drown her out, she made a point of not ignoring Sam nearly as much as she made a point of doing little things to see Livvy steam.

But Sam could mess it up, Sam and Toby because either of them could run to her dad before she had it all worked out. And if Sam found out she'd probably tell Toby, they'd been making eyes at each other for more than a year, the man had been glancing at Sam's bum every chance he got since she took over the clinic; and Sam had been oblivious.

It was entertaining to watch until Sam started to catch on and throw the looks back but that had brought Jack on and she'd had to hear about it. It was how he talked about his mum that bothered her, he didn't realize how lucky he was.

But Sam was Jack's mum, not hers and she had to stop fooling herself. She'd never known her mum and she'd never have one either; her dad had absolutely no interest in remarrying. He did say she looked like her though and sometimes Nell wondered if that was such a good thing; reminding him of what he lost.

"I do not pity you but I would like to know what made you feel that I did?" Sam persisted and she didn't want to answer her; but the woman wasn't going to go away.

"All of this." She answered softly.

"Nell." She hesitated as the woman nudged her chin; finally looking up as Sam's arms tightened around her "You may not think you are a kid but you are the same age as my kid so to me you are the Sam as him. Too young to deal with anything like this."

Sam's voice was gentle and Nell felt her hand run through her hair; the woman's chin against the top of her head. "It isn't pity but it is concern and it is what I hope someone would do for my son if I couldn't. It is something that I have found incredible in our community.

"Someday I will take you somewhere and tell you the same thing I told Jack; the same thing my father told me. You need to hear it Nell, you aren't the first kid to go through something hard and I will tell you this, coming from someone who knows it; you aren't the first kid to grow up without one parent and you won't be the last. I know what it is like but I also know what your mum would want. She loved you and she didn't leave you by choice.

"Don't dishonor her memory by feeling she abandoned you, as a mum I know she wanted the best for you and would have done anything to keep you safe. And even in dying she did her best and fought to live. You should ask your dad about that. "Nell stiffened, that would upset him and make him shelter her more.

But she heard something she hadn't caught before, a detail about Sam she hadn't realized; she never heard anyone talk about her mum. "Your mum?"

"My mum left, she left my dad when I was a baby. I've never known my mum and there was a time when I really wanted to. I hurt my dad a lot in that time, but between me and you there is a big difference. I have come to terms with the fact I don't want to know her, it is something I don't want my son to do to his father because we tried for him" Sam sighed and Nell felt very uncomfortable, she should have minded her own business.

"I get it Sam, I' didn't know."

"I don't talk about it Nell, but I do know what you are feeling. IT is hard, we are meant to have mums for love and support but also to teach us things about being women and mothers, there are questions we can never ask our dads but you have to understand they love us with all they have. Your dad is doing his best and while his memories of your mum are bitter sweet he will want you to know about her, about the woman he loved and who gave you life; I bet it would mean a lot to him if you asked." The woman took a deep breath and Nell heard her sigh, she was right.

"Especially now there are going to be things in your life you don't want to talk to your dad about as you grow up. I hope you will feel safe to talk to me if you need someone. It is hard to grow up and cope with everything coming at you, you will also need to watch some aspects of your health very carefully. And for future reference when you hole up in that head we all want you home to stay; and I have a lot of work for you to do at the clinic." Nell nudged at her and looked up, blue eyes were serious but Nell saw the twinkle.

"Thanks Sam." She tried not sniffle, she wished she hadn't lashed out at Sam before.

"We all need a boost sometimes. Now perk up and come for a walk with me." Sam laughed and Nell let herself be pulled towards her feet. It seemed as if she had already passed by the seriousness of before; Sam had got the answers out of her.

It had Nell feeling a little better about going home and back to the life she had known; she had been here too long. It was starting to mess with her and having Sam here helped, it helped calm her; and it helped her understand why Sam left when she did. And having Sam back made her eager to leave; the woman was already free and she'd had it way worse.

Even as she felt the cut in her side move when she did and the stitches rub against things, and the marks from the needles and IV were starting to heal. Nell wasn't going to forget what she saw, she wished she hadn't looked when Sam had squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't like it and was still confused of what she felt about it; regardless of what Sam said.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six **

Toby dropped Laurie for work and headed back to Hope Island, he was tempted to go back and check on Sam. But she would only get difficult and accuse him of hovering before sending him away, or trying until she over did it and he would feel even worse; not to mention the waste of petrol.

It was noon before he got to the backpackers to find it crawling with people, Sonny had Jack running ragged, the kid probably was missing Nell a lot right now. She might have an attitude but she was good at waitressing and she gave as much as she got; people weren't too difficult with her. Or at least not twice.

He slid behind the bar and saw Sonny nod, he was on drinks; and for holiday thrill seekers it was never too early. And the group of men they had in here this week were starting early and hitting hard, he wasn't impressed with their conversation and the topic got more and more pointed and disgusting as it went.

Toby was about ready to break it up when they started assessing other women sitting around the tables, it was completely wrong to be that far in the drink at lunch time; youthful stupidity not excused. But a large drink order came in and he tuned it out for a few moments to fill glasses with juice, pop and a few beers; he turned back to find Jack standing at the end of the bar listening.

"Hey, cut it." He slammed a hand on the bar between the group and they all shut up instantly; he should have done it sooner. "You want to stay you keep it clean."

He got some mumbled complaints but one commented on a recent surfing competition and the conversation started again slowly, not as enthused as before. Toby didn't care, if they didn't like it they would have to leave, there were families in here; and his friend's son. He swallowed hard as he realized he was glad Sam wasn't here, not just so she didn't hear them; but so they couldn't appraise her.

"Jack, Sonny has food for the family on the patio." He tried to distract the young man who had turned to stare at the wall. Clearly still thinking about what he had just heard.

Toby had caught enough of it, but he knew how people could be, and the kid didn't need to dwell on it. Jack had been raised right, he didn't need to hear that kind of thing and that wasn't the kind of place Sonny ran; there were kids eating out on the patio. Thrill seeking took all kinds but he was going to keep a closer watch on one group.

They worked through the rush and families left for hiking and water games as others debated rock climbing and kayaking. Toby watched them go and relaxed as the place emptied out, Sonny disappeared in the back to handle dishes and he wiped the bar as Jack handled tables.

Something was coming, Toby could sense it, and the teen was to quiet and to tense. Jack was often thinking about things, he was a quiet kid, but it was easy to tell when he was upset; he went silent. It wouldn't last, they just had to wait him out.

Tables done Jack wandered around and took a stool at the bar, Toby faced him. "Get it off your chest."

"Those guys, they don't give a damn who hears what they said and they'll be back here tonight and they'll hit on some chick and probably sleep with her and that'll be their story for the week." Toby closed his eyes for a second, he knew where the kid was going to go.

"Probably." He was going to make the kid ask him.

"You going to get in her pants and then be done?" Jack gave him a stare to rival his mother's and Toby was by no means immune; still he didn't blame the kid for being protective. Someone needed to look out for Sam, she'd never learn to do it for herself.

"Yeah, and a couple months ago I was going to leave her. You don't have to like it but I do care for your mother, and there are some things that aren't your business. And just for your information, I don't kiss and tell, but I also won't run." He stared levelly at the kid, he understood it, Andrew had walked out and Sam had pulled it together; no one deserved it a second time. And it would be Jack who had to watch it, he wanted to see Sam happy; but to be with the woman he would have to win over her son. Somehow.

"Right." Jack spun around and pulled away, Toby wanted to growl; at least Sam said exactly what she thought.

"Not so fast." He caught up to the young man as he made a beeline for the door. "Come over here."

"Look, I get it. Alright, you stayed and that's great but…" Jack started but Toby cut him off, pulling him out of the way; he didn't want an audience for this.

"Listen up Jack. Your mum, she is not going to get back with your dad, it won't happen; she has too much pride to go back to a man who walked out on her and their child. She needs to move forward in her life and so do you. I want a shot with her, and I a value her as a friend. You don't have to like it but have a little respect for your mum, she didn't let your father walk over her and I don't want to." He knew anger was lacing his voice, but it was a small shadow of what he felt.

The kid was protective of his mum and Toby understood that, Jack had a family to keep, and it had already fragmented. Toby didn't want to step on that but he wanted Sam, and he didn't want a cold war with her son.

"And when you get bored you'll sail off in that stupid boat and leave her behind." Jack glared back at him with her eyes, he had his mother's tenacity. "You're no better than him."

"I have spent my life on my own, Jack you are lucky to have your family and to have your mum. I served my country and I am proud of that but it left me tied to no one, there are few things in my life I am proud of. I am done with the gypsy life, and I am done with being told what I am going to do. You don't trust me and I have earned that. But I do not want to hurt Sam." He hated thinking about it, and more than that admitting it; but he needed Jack to back down.

"Prove it." Jack turned to walk away and came face to face with a woman Toby didn't recognize.

"Hey, thought that was you. Your mum around?" The woman was oblivious to the tension between them as she looked between both of them.

"She went back to the mainland to stay with a friend for a few days." Toby answered for him, the kid looked confused.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked the woman, Toby still didn't know her name.

"Dropped a pair of backpackers on the other side of the island. They're doing some kind of wilderness thing. Nice couple, you'll probably see them here at some point I think, they'll need supplies." The woman rested a hand on Jack's shoulder, clearly a friend of Sam, who was comfortable with her son.

"Riya she's not going to be back until Friday. Are you going to be back?" Jack finally used a name, and he remembered Sam telling them it had been Riya who brought Sam home.

"Yeah, I have another drop to make and I'm dropping him off tomorrow morning. Gotta take supplies out farther. Sorry Jack, see you in the morning." The woman winced and squeezed the kid's shoulder; Jack was looking around in confusion.

"Why?" Jack asked as the woman started to walk away. "Riya what?"

He was clearly confused and Toby already had a sneaking feeling what the woman meant, she'd dropped two people on the far side of the island and bringing somebody out the morning Sam was supposed to come back. "Check your email."

Jack groaned and then turned and took off towards the house, Toby chuckled and followed the woman, she hadn't really said anything to him but he knew she was friends with Sam. He was curious, she also knew how to wind Jack up; the woman was a wild card just like her friend. She had a sleek new model cabin cruiser that had been renovated for cargo; it was an interesting boat.

The woman was a mystery that was tied to Sam, and Sam was a mystery unto herself, one that he was going to figure out. He felt better watching her leave, strong and confident she could handle her boat. She could handle Sam, and his friend had been safe in her hands, he just wondered what their past was; there was a lot about Sam he didn't know.

He wanted to, he wanted to know about her life before she came out here and what she wanted for her future. Toby knew what he wanted, and he had figured some of it out at her bedside. It had been a long time coming, and now he just had to find out if it lined up with hers; and he was seriously hoping it did.

Wandering up to find Jack he let himself into Sam's house comfortably; he was getting used to being here. "Jack?"

"Yeah." There was no energy in the kid's voice and Toby followed it to find him sitting in front of his computer. "Dad is coming to get me."

"How long?" He was wondering if this was a choice Andrew was making alone or if Sam supported it, not that it was his business; but that kid did not look happy.

"A week."

"He's picking you up tomorrow?" The day that Sam was going to come home, he hoped they would wait till early afternoon at least; Jack hadn't seen much of his mum the past few weeks.

"Yeah, and bring my school stuff too." Jack spun around looking annoyed. "And an email from mom saying dad wants to spend time with me."

"You can't blame him for that." Toby was at least relieved that Sam knew about it.

"Yeah, and mum will be back to normal when I get back." Jack's tone was sarcastic but Toby knew that was Sam; Jack knew it too. "This is stupid, if he wants time than he shouldn't have left."

"Jack he wants time with you, you can't blame him for that." This was messy when Sam was trying to balance her son's life and give him both parents; even when Jack didn't want his father.

"Yeah I can, last time was great. He left me at his place while he worked and then moped around about Gillian and tried to pretend everything was good. Like he's totally forgot about my mum, he was more upset about that then the fact he through her away. Didn't like it himself." Jack just shook his head and closed the computer.

"I thought you guys went surfing."

"Yeah, mum emailed him ideas about what to do with me. We did beach stuff, it would have been better to be out here. His life now, mum and I aren't a part of it. Yeah he can help with her research and she can try to be friends with him; but it just hurts her." Jack shook his head and Toby understood in a way.

"Well when you don't see your son in nearly a year it is hard to remember what he likes." Jack shot him a look and he didn't let it slide. "Jack take it easy on him."

"Yeah I've been told." Jack rolled his eyes and shoved to his feet, and pulled an overnight bag from under the bed. "I'm surprised that he called Riya."

"How come?" Maybe there was some tension there and Toby was curious.

"Mum and Riya hang out, there's some history between her and dad; Riya doesn't like him. And he doesn't like her. They always argued after she hung out with Riya, but they didn't get together often." Jack stuffed some clothes in the bag and rolled his eyes. "She and mum had fun though, they took me white water rafting one time; and we went out on her boat a few times when I was really little."

"She sounds like good friend." And someone Sam should spend time with, a friend who was as active and crazy as her; maybe not until she had a little more time to heal.

"They've grown a part a bit, I haven't seen her since just after mum told dad if he was going to leave than he could move out. Mum doesn't hang out with people anymore, well other than like the clinic stuff." Jack was sifting through books and Toby hid a smile as two went in the bag, along with a couple of his granddad's journals.

"Before you pack every book you own maybe you should see if your dad took some time off? He might have planned stuff for the two of you to do." Toby had no idea whether that was good advice or not, but Jack wasn't a little kid who would get his hopes up to have them shattered; it seemed like he was starting pretty low.

Toby wasn't sure how he felt about pushing Jack towards his dad, but he couldn't say he was sorry to be able to monopolize Sam's time for a week; and keep her from working. He liked being around her, and he liked the idea of having some privacy. Not that he minded Jack, they had talked more in the past few days than in months. Even if Jack wasn't impressed it felt like he was warming up to him again.

What he wasn't looking forward to was going back to work, he'd have to eventually but as soon as he did he knew Sam would disregard everything he said about taking it easy and be back in full swing. She needed to recover before she did that, but he couldn't have Sonny turn down jobs forever. At least a few more days, he had one job scheduled for Monday that he couldn't pass up, they came every year for the last few and planned on going diving; Sonny refused to cancel on them.

But he knew it would only be a half day really, they'd want to leave early and come back mid-afternoon, that only gave Sam part of a day; he knew he'd be chasing her out of the clinic. And a part of him was looking forward to the challenge, he liked winding her up sometimes. It was a good way to hear what she was thinking without a filter.

o0o

She herded Nell onto the boat, it had taken forever to do the paperwork to sign her out and then she'd tried to track down Andrew. But apparently he was on route back with Jack, she had hoped to see them before she left. But Nell was antsy and Toby was waiting with an unusual amount of patience; she wasn't going to push it.

"Is it cool if I go below?" Nell asked Toby as she dropped her bag, Sam smiled a little; it was rare to see Nell nervous.

"Yeah." Toby nodded and the kid disappeared as he reached out to take the bag off of her shoulder. "See you've about done yourself in."

Sam smiled, it was good to see him; even if he didn't look thrilled. "Thanks."

"Not a problem." His hand slid to her hip and Sam felt like a teenager again when his lips brushed her cheek; that wasn't like Toby.

"Hey." He was already guiding her up to the wheelhouse and Sam was glad to have his hands on her; although confused by it.

Something had been changing between them but now it was if it had slid into place, as if he had made the decision. And with anyone else that was something she would fight, she had let someone make decisions for her relationship before, she had been agreeable and done her best; and it hadn't worked. But Toby, he wasn't making the decisions she was afraid of; he was taking care of her.

"Ready to come home again?" She watched as he adjusted his controls and the boat began to slide out of the port. Sam shifted against his side, he was strong and in control; she could get very comfortable tucked under his arm.

"Yes." She was very happy to be heading home, for the last time. Now that Nell was coming too there was no reason for anything more than a day trip and she would be avoiding even that for a while.

Sam felt the boat picking up speed, enjoying being out on the water and she knew Toby did too. It was so nice and she hoped that they could have more time like this. Though she was constantly aware of his hand on her hip, well below the still sensitive line of stitches it kept her pressed solidly against him.

"How's Nell?" Toby looked down at her as Sam rested her cheek against his chest and his free hand on the controls.

"Good, she needs some rest but she is more worried about coming back then at risk. She is recovering well and should be fine. We just need to make her feel comfortable. She is still a teenage girl and she is going to have some insecurities but it gets worse with a big change." Sam sighed, she knew there was a lot of insecurities in Nell's life right now; she understood them herself.

It would be much harder for a teenager to handle it, a large scar and risk of relapse; something they would both have to acknowledge with the steps that had since been taken. Nell was tied to her, directly and personally; the more she read the more she felt she had to watch; early detection could be the difference.

"Shame she won't have Jack there at the start, they're the same age; and it would probably be good for him too." Toby looked at her seriously and Sam had a feeling he was finally getting his opinion across.

"You don't agree with Jack spending time with Andrew?" Sam looked up at him and saw him nod.

"It's not spending time with Andrew, it is about the timing Sam, he wants to be with you. And he hasn't seen a lot of you in the past few weeks. Look Sam, I get that you want privacy but your son wants you and this is hard on Nell but it is hard on him too." Toby kept his grip on her even as she started to squirm a little; she wasn't sure how far he was going to get into it.

"By the time he is home I'll be back on my feet, and things will be normal again. I know this is a disruption to his life but I also know it is better this way. If he was irritated with me maybe he will finally talk to his dad. And right now Nell needs a parent she has never had, but Jack will be okay." Toby was just staring at her, and Sam wondered, she didn't know his views on raising children or a lot of things. Somehow they had taken a step forward with only body language, no spoken agreement, it was just a closeness that seemed to be building brick by brick.

"You will too, Sam, I'll see that you are okay." His eyes were intense and she swallowed hard as his hand slid up her ribs. "I'll take care of you."

"Toby, I'm alright, I've been on the mend for a long time and I'm just fine." She didn't need him hovering too much.

"Uhuh Sam, no chance. You're stuck with me like it or not." His hand rested directly over the line of stitches, he didn't press hard against her but she winced; and he gave her a look. The damn man was too sure of himself.

"Right now, try not." Sam squirmed, she didn't like his hand there, and it was a reminder of something that was wrong with her now.

"I can live with that, we'll get Nell home first and then talk." Toby slid his hand lower until it was well away from the mark. She sighed and felt some of her breath return as she relaxed. It was hard for her to try to tell Nell not to worry about the scar when she was feeling self-conscious about it herself.

She didn't like the idea of people seeing it or anyone touching it, not just because it was sensitive but she had always felt comfortable with her body. Confident with how she looked if not overly excited with showing it off she hadn't had a problem walking around in her bikini; she wasn't going to be doing that for a while.

She wondered how long before someone would ask, either Nell or Jack. She had a feeling that Toby wouldn't ask, he had already seen a bit of it but hadn't looked. She appreciated that he didn't look openly, but he probably did notice; it wasn't what she wanted him to see.

As the island came into view she did remember that her son wouldn't be there, it was a little discouraging but it was good; Jack needed time with his dad. But some privacy would be good too. "Should we tell Nell she is almost home?"

"I'll check." She was sorry to leave his arms but as she made her way down to the room below she saw Nell crashed out on the bunk. Sam smiled and turned back. "She is out like a light, even that bunk is probably more comfortable then the hospital bed."

"Right, it is going to be about another half hour." Sam relaxed back into his side again, happy to take the spot again; oddly it felt like her spot.

"What's going on?" She asked softly, his hand sliding back onto her hip; it was right. "Toby what is going on with us?"

"We're happening, and Sam, I like it." Toby smiled at her and Sam stared at his eyes; he meant it.

"I know, but where are we going? What are we going to do?" She turned against his side, easing back to look at him.

"Sam I don't know, but I do know I want to find out. I'm here to stay Sam." His hand cupped her cheek and she stared back at him; she wanted him to mean that. "You can set our pace and the rules, I'm not trying to push you."

"Okay." It would be her first relationship since Andrew had left, it was a long time since she had been in the dating scene. "Okay."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

Nell had spent the weekend hiding out and so far people were leaving her alone. And her dad had even seemed to relax a little; at least with her. He was still working like crazy. Nell was fine with that and she had school work; not to mention a lot to think about.

She was happy to be home, in her own space. And this morning she had to take care of something. Standing in front of the full length mirror propped up in the living room; the only room with enough space for it. She folded her tank top up to reveal the long row of black stitches, she hated them and then ran her had through her hair; it needed to go.

Pushing most of the dreads over one shoulder, she got a hold of one at the base of her head. With a quick snip and it was in her hand, she dropped it on the floor and swallowed hard. That one made no difference, she should have done a more obvious one so she had to finish it. Seeing it on the floor she wasn't so sure short hair worked for her.

But she wanted the dreads gone, and she didn't know how else to get them out. Scissors in one hand she used the other to push her hair up and try to see herself without it. For a moment she debated the stitches, she could probably cut them; but Sam would kill her. It wasn't worth it and the line would still be there. Nell ran her fingers over it and startled at a noise behind her.

Looking up from her reflection she saw Sam's reflection in the mirror, her face read shock; but her eyes burned. "What are you doing Nell?"

"Chill." Nell dropped her hand and realized she was holding the scissors. She looked between Sam and the floor. "I'm not doing anything."

Sam was already at her side, confident fingers exploring her side. "Then what are you doing?"

The woman inspected the stitches, crouched at her hip and looking up at her. Sam wanted an answer and Nell didn't want answer. "Getting rid of my dreads."

"Nell." Sam stood up and touched her hair. "Do you want short hair? If you cut them all off that is what you will be left with. You have other options."

Sam stared at her and Nell wanted to move away. "Don't have much choice in it."

Nell sighed, she liked her hair long, but the heavy dreads were annoying. She wanted her hair to be silky and soft again. To be different because things were different now.

"There is another way of getting rid of them, but it will take some time. If I'm just going to get lip I'm not going to bother." Sam picked up the lock of hair already on the floor.

"I wasn't giving lip." Nell said softly, but she heard the whine in her voice and she shut her eyes; trying to stop it. "And you don't need to do anything else for me."

"No, I don't need to but I don't mind and you weren't giving me lip. I know that. Why don't you get some school work or something and come over to my place and we'll see if we can get those dreads out." Sam stood, studying her carefully and then reached out and tugged her tank top back down. "Those stitches can come out in a couple days. And the scar will fade."

"My school stuff is caught up." And she didn't want to look at it again, all she had left was a project that wasn't due yet and she was supposed to do it with Jack; and he was with his dad.

"A book or some music? It is going to take some time." Sam walked towards the door and Nell followed.

"Do you have any reports to type?" She didn't know why she asked she didn't really want to work. But she should do something for Sam.

"Find some music or you'll get bored. I have a few ready to go." Nell scrambled for her iPod and followed Sam, she wasn't exactly sure what Sam was planning. But she ended up standing awkwardly in her kitchen. Sam reappeared from the washroom with her arms full of towels. "Kitchen sink and head under the tap."

"Why?" Nell hesitated as Sam laid a towel over the counter and took her arm, guiding to the sink; she wasn't sure what this was going to do.

"Because I am going to wash your hair so that it will be easier to work with. Lean over." Sam pushed her down on the sink. Nell braced her hands and stayed still, water started soaking into her hair and Sam's hands worked in conditioner, at least she assumed that was what it was. It was cold as it was put on but Sam was using a lot of it. Her hair was getting greasy fast and Nell hated when it felt like that.

"Okay up." Her hair was soaked and Sam wrapped her hair in a towel. "Couch."

Nell walked awkwardly to the couch and was pushed down to sit on the floor. She jerked forward when Sam pulled her back between her knees, Sam's hand just pulled her back and she watched her pick up the comb. "Do I get to do the reports?"

"Not right now, put your music on." Sam toweled her hair a bit and choose a dread to start with; Nell realized she was going to pull them apart.

She didn't put her music on, but tried to turn her head. "This is going to take forever."

"It will take a while." Sam caught her chin and turned her head down again. "You need to stay still."

"Why can't I do reports?"

"Because neither of us is supposed to be working. So take it easy and listen to your music. I need to go through some things with you before we do reports. But let's get going on this mess first." Sam was stabbing the comb into the dread and pulling back slowly; Nell couldn't see if she was making progress or not.

"It's not that bad." She wasn't really sure how bad it was, but she could feel Sam pulling; it might be pretty messed up.

Sam just made a noise in her throat and poked the ear bud in her ear, Nell got the message; shut up and listen to her music. She'd try for a while but she wanted to talk to Sam, she still had questions. And she didn't like being tricked. She sat in silence for just over an hour, Sam worked silently and quickly; Nell tried hard not to fidget. Every time she tried to turn her head a hand caught her chin and straightened it. She could feel more of her hair loose, and knew there was a growing hair ball on the couch beside Sam; but she didn't know how much was done.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

Sam could feel her hands cramping up, the hours of fighting with Nell's hair were catching up. While she was still steady and trying not to pull to hard she was glad to be almost done. Especially with Nell's squirming and trying to get a hand in. Sam just nudged it away, Nell could see when it was done. Until then the kid needed to listen to her music and stay still.

Nell it seemed had other ideas, and while Sam found the occasional attempts at escape amusing she wasn't letting Nell go until she finished. In a way it was nice to do it, the occasional rounds of conversation and the kid leaning against her knee.

She loved her son and in so many ways was glad she had a boy. Jack was simpler than Nell in so many ways and he understood her. Sometime she didn't know if that was a good thing but he understood why her work mattered to her and she hoped he understood that he mattered more than any of it. She was just horrible at balancing things; it was too easy to get caught up at work even when she intended to be home.

Jack handled it, and she had been able to do better when they lived on the main land but he didn't complain; Nell would have. Nell would always be one to make her disgust known about anything that upset her, and that could be a good thing. Now they needed to be aware if anything was off with Nell, but it her attitude made it somewhat difficult.

It might have been nice to have another child after Jack, maybe a little girl, it would have been good for him to grow up with a sibling, and the time here with Nell had been good. They had been come fast friends, even if they bothered each other as the only teens here year round; it had been as though he had a sibling. And Sam had seen him grow because of it, she had never seen him worry more over someone else than she had when Nell had been so sick.

In truth she liked having the kid around and even before all of this Nell was family; all of the full timers out here were. Except for Toby, that was something more, and something she hadn't figured out yet. Now was a good time to do it, with Jack away she had a little more freedom.

No matter what she chose for herself she didn't want to create more tension between Jack and his father or make Jack feel left out. She and Toby needed to decide what they had and then explain it to her son, she wasn't going to forget it just because it wouldn't be easy; they just had to be careful. And Toby was leaving that to her, or so he said.

She would try and figure it out, but how did you figure that out, usually it just happened. It happened and they dealt with it but Sam was hesitant about pursing it. She had been out of that game a long time. And she was letting her thoughts get carried away, she had two dreads left and then she could free Nell; she should be focused on that.

Nell was probably a few minutes from announcing she was bored again, the teen had her head leaned at an odd angle against Sam's knee; that leg was asleep and tingling. Sam didn't announce it but put herself into the work a little more diligently.

She finished one and tucked the free hair into the clip that was holding the rest of the mess off Nell's neck; a hand crept back to investigate. Sam picked up the last one and they both looked up as the door opened.

Toby walked in and Nell stared at him, he did look very comfortable; as if walking into his own home and toeing off his boots. "Why are you here?"

"Nice to see you too." He slid off the shirt he had over a white t shirt and hung it by the door. "I was going to make some supper."

"Me too." Nell piped up, sitting straight at the mention of food.

"No." Sam replied quickly, Toby echoed it and rounded the couch, leaning over her shoulder; Sam shivered at his breath on her neck. "No, you are going to go home and show your dad your hair just as soon as I get this done."

Nell craned her neck to make a pouty face and Sam just smiled and turned her head back; she was almost to the base. Toby stayed where he was and Sam was more distracted than she had been all day; relieved to finish and have a reason to get up.

"Up Nell, we'll wash your hair out and then you can go home." She led the girl out to the sink and felt Toby watching them; wishing she wasn't as aware of him.

She led Nell to the sink and tipped her forward as Toby's jaw dropped. "You're washing her hair in the sink?"

"Yep." Sam shot him a look. "Where would you have me do it?"

"The shower."

"Too far and we don't need to get her soaked." She worked lather through the kid's hair and rinsed it out, Toby was finally silent. "Head up Nell."

She settled Nell back in front of the couch and set about brushing out her hair. She remembered when she used to keep her hair long, it was a lot of work and yet she hated the idea of short hair. Now keeping it at her shoulders was a happy medium, Nell never would have been happy if she cut it all off.

It was damp falling around Nell's shoulders and the kid couldn't keep her hands out of it as Sam finished. When she sat back Nell sprung up and flipped her hair around. "Thanks Sam."

"No problem." She let her hands rest against her thighs, she wanted to rub them but didn't want either of the people in the room to see her do it.

"You didn't give me any paperwork." Nell gave her a displeased look and Sam sighed.

"Tomorrow we will go over to the clinic and have a look." She promised, already feeling Toby's glare on the back of her neck; mercifully he stayed silent.

Nell nodded and then left; Sam gave in and started rubbing her hands. "I thought you were taking this week off. That means no clinic."

"I took last week off and before that. I need to go back to work Toby; especially when I can see it from here. All it is paperwork Toby, I think I can manage and we need to get going on the research study and more. I need to keep that funding coming; I need to earn it." She got up and turned to face him.

"Sam if you don't take the time to recover you are going to hurt yourself." Toby was giving her a look, and she ignored him. "Your hands are hurting aren't they?"

"Not really." She started to clean up the sink. "So you are staying for dinner?"

"Not only that I am going to make it for you. You need at least one good meal today." Toby was rooting in the fridge. "And the chips you two nibbled on for lunch does not count."

"How do you?" She turned to glare at him.

"Get rid of the bag next time Sam, good food might help." Toby got his head out of the fridge and she glared at him as he came over. "Your hands are sore aren't they?"

"No." She argued dropping her hands as Toby came to stand in front of her.

"Sam." Toby's hands shifted to her hips and he eased her to the side. "Just relax will you."

"I thought I got to say, or a say in this." She protested as he lifted her up and set her on the counter, standing close; Sam swallowed hard.

"Tried that. You weren't using it." Toby pressed himself against her and Sam tried to ease back but he held a hand against her back. "I want to keep going Sam."

"What are you doing?" She gulped as he stayed where he was; feeling him close was different. "Toby."

"Sam we are going to have a date night and some privacy to talk. And since you can't cook I am going to." Toby eased his hand down to her knee and Sam watched.

"I can cook just fine, I just don't have a lot of time for it." She protested even as she knew it was not what she really wanted to say; she just wasn't sure what Toby was going to think. "Do you think it is a good idea just to stay in together?"

"I'll try and control myself." She wasn't so sure he was serious about that as he scooped her hands into his, rubbing gently. "I'll take all the time you want."

"It's not that Toby, it's just I haven't done this, any of this in a long time. I'm not good at it, I never have been; and trust me I've been told." She felt old insecurities bubbling up; she wasn't a good home maker.

"Sam I want you, I think you are a great friend and an amazing woman; I want to know more. And…." He broke off for a moment. "I didn't want this conversation, it is too fast but I want you to hear it. Hold on."

She was hoisted into the air, Sam clung to him if only to avoid being dumped on the floor. Instead he set her on the couch and untangled them; she could feel the tension building. But didn't know what to do to ease it or what to say, she didn't want to scare him from talking to her; everything she got out of him took a fight.

If he was willing to tell her without a fight she didn't want to stop him; but she wondered if he was already reconsidering. His silence made her worry. "Toby."

"I'm trying Sam, this isn't easy for me either. It has been a long time for me too, but I want to try and I don't want you to worry about anything. Sam I have a past and so do you, we don't need to try and change each other; I don't want to change you." She stared at him it was the most words she had heard him say, at least about something personal.

"I didn't want to." She wasn't going to change for anyone any more, she was happy with life and she was accepted here. Not always agreed with but her choices were respected and so far had yielded good results.

"Sam I mean that I do not want you to change for me, you are perfect the way you are. And I don't believe you want to change me other than to have me tell you more and I want to do that." His hands cupped her face, his eyes intent on hers and she couldn't look away.

"Why don't you?" She asked softly, she felt like there were thing she wanted to tell her, there were certainly things she wanted to know; but he didn't offer.

"Because it is rare to find someone you want to talk about your past with and rarer still to find someone who wants to listen. Sam I want to know yours too." He was serious and all thoughts of food had long since fled her mind.

"Why?"

"Sam relax, let's just have dinner; that's all I want. I'm not trying to push you, I'm really not. C'mon." She let herself be pulled up and guided back into the kitchen.

"Okay." Sam let him take over the kitchen and watched Toby walk out. "Where are you going?"

"Sam your fridge is nearly empty." He opened the front door and reached to the side and reappeared with a cooler; Sam shut her eyes. "I brought a few things."

"A few things? You brought everything for a meal." Her fridge wasn't that empty, but she was a little behind on groceries; she hadn't been home too much and Jack had stocked the fridge. "I've just been a little behind and there was money left for groceries and Jack got what he likes."

"No surprise, he is a teenager and he got crap food." Toby began unpacking things onto the counter and she almost laughed; she would never have guessed him to be a foodie.

"What are you making?" She watched as he took over her kitchen with ease; Toby could cook. "Can I help?"

"I've got it, once I get this on we have a little while; but we are going to have to stock your fridge." He was moving with ease but she wasn't sure what he was making.

"We can go out sometime, I mean if it is a regular thing; I don't want you to cook every time." Sam fidgeted as he moved around comfortably.

"I'm not taking you to Sonny's and we aren't kids who need validation. We need time together to smile and to laugh; to get closer. Probably fight too, but that is just us. And I like having you right here. Relax Sam." His hand slid around her side and she stiffened as his hand brushed against the stitches.

She needed to remove those, and very soon; especially if Toby was going to get closer. She didn't like his hands rubbing against it, and didn't want to imagine him trying to hide a reaction to it. She didn't want to be afraid to go forward with him but she wasn't sure that was the direction to go.

"It's easy to say relax but I'm not good at any of this. But I feel useless watching you cook. I really can." He tugged her closer to him and she squirmed, warm words from him meant something and were something to be treasured; she wasn't used to it.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

Sam was blushing bright red and had no idea how adorable she looked. He was tempted to reach out and brush her hair from her cheek, but he left it. Toby set about chopping an onion, relieved as she eased closer to him; he liked the contact. She was quiet so long that he worried he had scared her off.

Sam seemed so worried she didn't know what to do, he struggled not to just pull her close and tell her to shut up. But riling her up right now wouldn't help, she was going to have to understand that they could work just the way they were.

He could be around her and talk but they could also have the silent conversations that he liked; sometimes that was easier than talking. Still she needed to know what he felt, he had to tell her, she had thrown not talking at him before; only then it had been about his health.

This was more important. It didn't matter if he could convince her son that he didn't mean to hurt her all he had to do was convince her; and she had her own scars. They both did. But right now he felt better than he had in a long time.

It was nice took cook for her and have her close, not to mention Sam was slowly relaxing as they let what he had said settle; she had an easy smile on her face as she stirred the sauce. He finished cooking and let her dish up plates as he opened a beer for each of them.

"Beer and pasta?" Sam smiled as she set the plates on the kitchen island.

"It works. A little early for the vodka don't you think?"

Sam rolled her eyes and punched his arm; she was back to herself. "Just not a usual pairing."

"It is for me, it'll be good." He set one in front of her and took the other for himself, and was pleased to find that it was very good.

Sam was quiet as she ate but she made tiny sounds of approval every so often and gave him a bright smile. Toby wasn't sure when he had felt better, but he liked this. It was homey and comfortable, in truth he liked being in Sam's house and doing stupid little things; especially when they earned him a grin or eye roll. They passed the evening comfortably, Sam pulled out some old charts of her dad's and he enjoyed talking reefs and diving with her; he was really glad to have her home.

They ended up on the couch, her legs tucked over his knees and her head on his shoulder had long ago made his arm fall asleep; but it was too comfortable to worry about. She was tired, not that she was going to admit it. He was content to let her fall asleep on his shoulder if she didn't move.

"I had a really nice night." Her voice was soft and slightly muffled by his shirt.

"Me too." Toby slid a hand through her hair and smiled as she nuzzled closer. "We will have to do it again."

"Mhm." Her chin tipped up and he looked into her eyes, she looked so content.

"You're tired." He stroked her cheek, angling her face up just a little more, he was sorely tempted to kiss her. "I should put you to bed."

"I'm not a kid." He winced at the insult in her voice; that had come out wrong.

"No you're not. But I was hoping for a shot of you in an oversized t-shirt; but I'd settle for less." Sam rolled her eyes but didn't move; he felt her tensing up.

"Pig."

"No, just a man." He smirked as she rolled her eyes again.

"The entire gender."

"Little generalized, I think I should at least get a kiss." Toby argued, not giving her a choice as he sealed his mouth to hers, she paused a moment in surprise but he smiled as she kissed him back.

She shifted and he resisted the urge to groan as she slid into his lap, his arm stung as it woke up but he slid it along her back anyways; keeping her in his arms. He caught the elastic holding back some of her hair and tugged it out gently; her hair feel like a curtain hiding his face. Even as he felt himself responding to her he knew they needed to slow down.

He wanted to make it work and have a shot, not make it awkward between them. But as she pulled away and gave him a curious look he badly wanted to forget it. "Good night Sam."

She gave him a look, it wasn't a happy one. "Why stop?"

"Because you are tired. I'm not going anywhere."

"I got that, you've been camped on my couch since I came home. And I'm not tired." She squirmed against his lap and he swallowed hard.

"This can wait." Not that it would be very comfortable, but he was going to do this right.

"Fine. I'm taking a shower." Sam picked herself up off his lap and walked towards her bedroom; Toby groaned. That was very intentional.

And when she walked out wrapped in nothing but her towel he knew it was punishment for stopping. "It is dark out."

"And? I've taken a shower in the dark before." She paused by the door and he wanted to growl; hopefully every other male was currently down at Sonny's because her towel was tiny.  
>"It'll be cold."<p>

"That's a good thing." She slipped out the door and he shut his eyes; that was a slap.

Toby stretched out on the couch and slid out of his shorts and settled on the couch; he was going to have to watch her walk back in after too. Sam was probably going to torture him just because she could; and walk across to her room.

It took a long time for him to drift sleep, especially as Sam walked slowly back through to her room and rolled her eyes as he snuggled down into the couch. He knew she didn't like having him sleep on her couch but he wasn't comfortable taking Jack's bed. And considering his feet did hang over the end a bit he had slept pretty well the past week.

The nightmares had only come once, it had been years since he had gone more than a few days without them; the price he paid. He didn't speak of it and when it woke him he simply got up and walked around to shake it off, sometimes when it was too dark he didn't get back to sleep. Toby wished it would stop but was slowly resigning himself to it staying.

His dreams often took him into the past, and when they did it was always to his navy days and most often to one mission. It woke him this night and stole his breath, Toby woke in the early morning breathing hard. It had never been enough to make him give up diving or being on the water but it did give him chills sometimes.

And now was one of those times, as he paced the living room slowly trying to calm himself. Finally he paused at Sam's door. She would be fast asleep by now, and she should rest so that her body could heal but he wouldn't wake her.

Toby opened the door cautiously and hesitated to see if she would stir when she didn't he eased into the room and moved to her bed. Sam was fast asleep, she looked so cozy and peaceful, so much better than she had in the hospital. And he sat next to her, relieved that she didn't stir.

He gently touched her cheek, and was relieved when Sam didn't wake. Toby liked touching her, he wanted to hold her but didn't take a chance. Instead he spoke to her softly, watching her face for a chance that she was waking.

Somehow it was easy to tell it to Sam when she slept, even as he told no one; he had left the Navy rather than talk about it. Taken his skills first to the oil fields and then fled from that to Hope Island for his own employment and a type of freedom. That hadn't changed anything, but the people here helped, Sam had helped. But then her own scars hand been fresh and he wasn't about to move on that then; now was different.

Finally he felt tired again and smiled as her features stayed relaxed; she was beautiful. He leaned down and pressed his lips to her temple, it was something he liked. But when Sam squirmed a bit Toby hastily got up and moved to the door hoping she wouldn't wake.

But when he lay back on the couch to wait but heard nothing and settled back into sleep. Oddly comforted and relieved that he slept the rest of the night without the nightmares. Toby woke as light filtered into the room, he felt rested and content.

It was early still but he was awake and needed something to do. He started coffee before going out to take a shower. When he came back he found Sam at the counter having a coffee and toast. "Morning."

"Morning, what are you up too?" Toby poured himself a coffee and eyed her breakfast; he would like to throw it out.

"Finish my coffee and go find Nell and tell her we are both back to work today. You have any treasure hunters?" She smiled and nibbled at her toast some more, he nodded hoping she just meant paperwork.

"This morning I'll be busy for a little while and then Sonny and I have to sort out some supplies. Any chance you'll just work a half day?" He knew it wasn't likely but if there was any chance he'd have to ask.

"I need to get Nell started but I also need to get caught up on things, with the research project going we need to ensure a supply of venom is ready. And I need to look at other projects, with the influx of funding we need to accomplish something for them to see." Sam downed her coffee and set the cup in the sink.

"And they are aware of what happened and that you need to recover. Let Gus manage the venom project for now, he can handle it." Toby already knew she wasn't really listening, or at least not considering what he was saying.

"I've already left it to him long enough. And the clinic to Rick and Livvy; it is still my responsibility. It is my job." Sam stepped around him and headed for the door. "You gonna be here tonight?"

He nodded, he wouldn't argue with her. "Yeah I'll be here when you get home."

"Okay." Sam shot him a soft smile and slipped out, at least accepting it.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

She walked across to the clinic and relaxed, this was normal and routine. Sam would work for an hour or so and then go find Nell, it was still early for office hours but she had a lot to catch up on. She had gone through most of the old files but now she had to address some potential projects.

The Research foundation had sunk a lot of money into the clinic now, not only funding the venom project but doing all the renovations. She needed to get some work done that would be profitable to them, Sam didn't like owing anyone. And she didn't want this to be a disappointment.

Was a productive morning, she got Nell settled on the computer and found Gus was more than handling the venom collection; he had a management system in place. The entire clinic still seemed new to her and she was still finding all the changes they made.

Including a huge number of tracking tags for various venom colonies. Gus already had a number of snakes tagged, the dates they were milked and the date to revisit them all logged. It was an effective system and he was quickly building a manageable supply of venom. He barely needed her at all and it hurt just a little; Gus had adjusted to working on his own. It seemed like she had been away too long.

But it was good for the venom project, it left her a little more time to work out the new avenues of research to keep her funding. With Nell curled up at the laptop Sam took the computer at the check in desk; mentally adding more work for Nell. She printed out a spread sheet and searched for her old files. Tomorrow she would remember to grab the book on her dad's research.

This would get her started, though her focus drifted a bit as people filtered in and out, Livvy reaching around her for files. She was half waiting for Toby to show up and try to drag her home; a tiny part hoping he might.

But it was a static call on the radio that pulled her from the work. A hiker had fallen into a gully and his partner couldn't see him or get a response; even in the broken call she could hear the woman's panic. Lifting the clip to respond even as a boat beat her to it, asking where they were. Sam wondered if they were on another island with all the static; or simply in a bad area.

But the response was on Hope, they were somewhere here; and her responsibility. That got Livvy's attention, with her friend listening she responded.

"Hope Island Clinic responding." She clicked out and waited for a response.

"My husband fell into a gulley, he's not responding." The woman's voice cracked, or the static made it seem so as she told the tale again.

"Do you know where you are? Landmarks, sights, give me anything." Sam tensed, there were a lot of gullies and slopes far steeper along with a lot of nasty little surprises. Between her and Gus they knew most of them.

"I'm not sure, we…." The woman broke off as Gus joined the group at Livvy's motion.

"What trail did you take from the back packers this morning?" She spoke into the radio and then turned to Livvy. "Have Rick get the truck, load emergency gear and extraction kits as well as harnesses."

"We aren't on that side of the island, we were dropped off on the North coast last week. We only had a few days left." The radio broke up a bit.

Sam took a deep breath, there were plenty of gullies over there but a few areas of real concern were more than she would consider gullies. But getting into the area its self could be hard. Roads were rough and when they didn't have an approximate location; there were a lot of steep slopes to comb through.

"Alright, how far from your camp to the coast? Anything you can see out of the area?" Sam leaned back as Gus laid a map in front of her. Rick was back to talking to Livvy as they tried to determine a search area.

"Maybe twenty minutes to the camp, we aren't far away. I can see the water from here."

"Then you are on a ridge? Are there any rock formations?" The static wasn't getting any better, or helping with the broken conversation.

"Yeah, it kinda looks like a bridge." Sam wanted to groan, she knew instantly and traced it with her finger. The ridge had been cleared by a hiker's fire three years ago and it was a great view out to the water but it was no gulley. And Devil's Ridge was named for a reason.

"Alright. Do not attempt to get down to him, keep calling to him. If he responds tell him not to move and wait for help." She was already moving and knowing this was going to get bad; there was no way Rick was ready to handle this.

"Devil's ridge is where you collect those nasty spiders isn't it?" Livvy sounded worried and had already blocked her path.

Gimpy stinger had been forgotten but she didn't bring it up. "There are a number of potential complications and risks; not just with the extrication." Toby was going to kill her, if getting down to her patient did. There was no way she was going to get around this; nothing could be kept secret here.

"Why would anyone go up there? There are warnings about the spiders are no real trail up there." Gus moved around her, obviously not comfortable with it; he hated spiders.

"The view, a challenge; I really don't know." Sam stepped around Livvy for the door.

"Stupidity." Rick added. "How are we getting to him?"

"Gus can drive. I'll run through an extraction plan when we can see the situation. We need to assume that this is critical. Livvy prepare the surgery. We'll update you when we can and see about a medevac." Sam knew she needed to get out of here fast, Livvy was distracted.

"Sam, I don't think you going is such a good idea." Livvy was fretting.

"It could be any number of medical roots that caused the fall, or an insect bite. Or as that area is known for a spider bite, there are plenty of them around there and the venom has a paralytic effect on the body; eventually the heart. If he was bitten, we need to prepare for the worst possible outcome. This is my specialty and Rick isn't ready." Sam glanced at Rick who was surprisingly silent. The man wasn't exactly the outdoors type and she had a feeling spiders weren't his preference.

"But…."

"I'll be careful and Rick can do the heavy lifting. We need to go." She had Gus and Rick at her side and they got to the truck.

The young doctor had dealt with a number of emergencies of the unusual variety but only a handful of extractions. And he still had a habit of getting ahead of himself and relying too heavily on drugs before the facts were in.

She may as well jump right in, how she was going to get back into it if she didn't just do it. Gus had the jeep running, she let Rick take the passenger seat and climbed in the back, silencing Gus' protest. Searching out a roll of tape in the bag and set a piece of tape over the stitches. She would remove them tonight, if the run wasn't too bad. But nothing needed to mess them up.

They rocked over the rough terrain, the jeep working hard to make the trip. Sam kept a tight grip on the support bar and the other braced against the back gate. As they got to the end of the track Gus began to groan about the hike up the ridge; there was no way the jeep would make it. But once they got stopped she could see a foot trail that had not been there before; the hikers would be easy to follow.

Shouldering her share of the gear after she dragged it out of Gus' hands. Sam led the way, following the track she assumed the hikers had taken, they wouldn't take this way back; there was an easier trail farther down.

"Slow down Sam." Rick panted, she glanced back; they had fallen behind.

Her bag was a little lighter but she was sure of her footing and hiked all over this place as a kid. It served her well, she didn't slow her pace as she crested the ridge and looked around as they caught up. She needed to keep going and keep her mind busy, anything to keep her mind off her body and all the reasons she shouldn't do this. Only a little farther down she saw a woman crouching near the edge.

She looked familiar somehow, but Sam couldn't be sure though something flickered through the woman's face. Gus and Rick dropped the gear as she walked to the edge. She scanned the steep drop, checking to see if the man had been hung up on the way down but she couldn't spot anyone.

"Has he responded to you?" Sam eyed the obvious descent, the man had rolled through the underbrush to an edge that may have launched him.

The woman shook her head, but her expression had changed; she was holding back. There might be more to this than she had thought. Sam wasn't going to ask a name, she wasn't going to trust anything right now. "How long did it take you to radio us after he fell?"

"Maybe five minutes, I tried calling him but he didn't answer; I went to get the radio from camp." Sam took the harness Gus handed her; Rick was already securing a line.

"Alright, I want you to take a seat back by the trees, it is safer there; stay there. We are going to get him up." Rick hooked onto the line as she finished speaking, Sam smirked as he looked nervously over the edge.

"Uh Sam, is going down on this the same as climbing up?"

"Yeah, but we need to take our gear. And be careful of our step, anything lands on you be still be calm." Sam clicked herself onto the line and strapped the immobilization gear to her back.

Rick got the spine board and basket, it wasn't ideal but none of this was; and he had purposely taken the heavy things. "You want to go first?"

She smirked and stepped around him fastening her link and stepping over the edge lowering herself over. Starting her descent and watching her footholds, she scanned the rocks and scrubs below as she went. But it wasn't until she got down to the man lying very still that her blood ran cold. She knew why she recognized the woman. The last person she wanted to see, or help.

The entire trip back was very tense and completely silent, everyone was watching Sam for a reaction but she wasn't giving them one. They brought the man into the exam room and Livvy felt shocked, leaving the room a moment; Sam didn't.

Already barking out instructions Rick was tense as he followed them; no one was going to argue with her right now. Livvy wished there weren't other patients in here, not that she particularly wanted to care for the man. Yet after all of this Sam had more reasons to be angry with him then her.

She checked another file, Nell was hovering unhappily near the door, near Sam. Rick stepped out, the doctor looked stressed. "He is conscious again, Gus is running blood."

Rick was checking for a medevac. "No luck yet, it is going to be several hours."

There was a clatter and they both looked around, she felt her heart clench; she hoped the guy she just put in a splint had knocked over a tray. Her patient was fine but she turned back to find the curtain on Malcolm Reid's room back; Sam on the floor.

"Rick, move." She crossed the room fast, but Nell was faster. "What happened?"

"I don't know, I really don't. Livvy he is conscious, Sam was just going to start an IV." Rick was still standing there, Nell already had Sam's head in her lap.

Toby was going to kill them all, she knelt by her friend feeling for her pulse. The man on the stretcher was not moving, and playing dead was his best bet; he had no friends here. She touched a hand gently to the cut on her forehead, Sam had hit her head hard on the way down.

"Do something!" Nell was not in the mood to be patient.

"We are, Nell we need to work; how about you go to the office?" Livvy cradled Sam's head, the woman groaned softly. "Get Rick in here."

"I'm not going." Nell glared at her and didn't move; Livvy needed her out of the way.

Gus beat Rick in, Livvy wasn't waiting. "Help me get her up, exam room now."

Their last empty room and she didn't like putting her friend in it, she had to give Gus credit; he scooped her up as Nell supported her head. They got her onto the table and Gus hesitated. "We're good Gus, somebody needs to call Toby."

"What about Jack?"

"No, not yet, we don't need him back here if it isn't serious; she doesn't need added stress." Livvy wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her arm, at least she was starting to come around.

Nell was still holding her head but Livvy ignored the kid and as Gus left she pulled the curtain; there was no point fighting with the kid. "Anything you see or hear stays in this room got it?"

Nell nodded and gave her a snarky look. "I've only worked here you know, forever."

Nell was petting Sam's cheek, and when the woman moved her head the snark fell away; Livvy sighed. The kid would probably never be her friend, but at least she cared about Sam. She moved around the table, it wasn't like Sam just to collapse, they would have seen signs of it before.

But maybe she had been hiding something from them, since she'd been back Livvy hadn't checked her stitches or the needle tracks from the hospital once. She had left it to Sam, and Toby, Livvy was pretty sure they were together and if he was worried he would have said something whether Sam wanted him to or not.

Pulling her shirt up to expose the scar she swallowed hard. There was tape over the incision, but her entire side was red, Livvy started to roll her to get a better look and Sam let out a howl; trying to curl into a ball. She looked up to find Nell had tracked with Sam, now supporting the woman only half on the table and glaring at her.

"I need to do an ultrasound, she isn't going to like it." It was fruitless to point out but there was no point in warning Sam.

"Then be gentle." Nell didn't stop glaring at her, Livvy resisted the urge to growl back at her and stripped off her gloves to go and get the portable machine.

Still Nell was smart, by the time she got back Nell had coaxed Sam back flat and stretched out; it was a better position. Sam was silent but for now her eyes were open; Livvy wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to ask what had happened and was hoping that the obvious was the wrong answer.

Hopefully she had just gotten caught up somewhere along the lines of the extrication, but Livvy was already doubting that. The man's neck had been stabilized but his limbs free so that they could work on him. As she ran the ultrasound Nell did her own thing, one hand in Sam's she moved around as if on a tether to clean and cover the cut on her head.

Livvy swallowed hard, the kid had grown up a lot in the past few months, she was still miserable and difficult but the people she respected she was good to. It would be a long time before the girl stopped glaring at her, but she'd settled on a stool to watch like a miserable little guard dog.

"Sam how are you feeling?" It worried her that Sam's eyes were open but she was completely silent.

"Sore."

"On a scale of one to ten?" Sam's pulse was still racing, Livvy jotted down a quick set of vitals.

"In pain, are you going to do something yet?" Nell snapped at her, petting Sam's cheek again.

"There isn't a lot to do Nell, it's not serious I just need to shake it off." Sam answered, Livvy could hear the tension in her voice. "I'll get up in a moment or two."

"Nell come with me." She grabbed the girl's arm and dragged her from the room. "Listen up. Stop acting like a little brat, Sam is going to be okay but she doesn't need us fighting."

"Then why can't you do something to help her? Why did you let her go in the first place?" Well that explained why the girl had gone from tolerable to miserable so fast; Nell blamed her.

"Do you know what happened?" Nell shook her head. "Neither do I, and if you would stop interrupting Sam might tell us."

"Can't you give her something for pain?"

"If she wants it I will. Will you be quiet?" Nell nodded and stepped around her to go back to her stool; Livvy sighed; it was only going to get worse once Toby got here.

She asked a pain scale and Sam put it midrange, she took that to mean a ten and gave her morphine but as soon as she administered the drugs Nell visibly relaxed even before they began to take effect. But once they did Sam relaxed too, and her eyes started drifting closed.

"No, Sam I need you to stay awake. Tell me what happened, you were starting an IV." Nell was holding Sam's hand again and she was surprised that it seemed like Sam might actually be putting pressure on her.

"I turned around..." Sam started and then changed topic. "I'm just going to lay here for a bit, Nell can sit with me but you should see patients; its' busy today."

She was about to tell the woman to start talking when a door slammed; she didn't need to ask. It took him less than thirty seconds to get from the porch to the room and she stepped back; Toby was furious.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty One**

Her entire body hurt, and she felt stupid; especially with everyone worrying over her. And now she could hear Toby, a part of her was relieved because he wouldn't want her to stay here; another knew it was going to be trouble.

And it was, Livvy bailed but Nell stayed beside her, Toby reefed back the curtain; his jaw already hard set. "What the hell happened?'

"Don't." Sam whispered, she didn't need him to make a scene; or a bigger mess. "Don't start with me. I just want to go home."

Nell made an odd squeak as she started to push herself up, her head splitting in protest. He just stared at her as she got her self settled on the end of the table and began to work on the IV Livvy had stuck in her arm.

"Sam, don't you think you should just stay put." He was already looking for someone else to interrogate.

He disappeared from the doorway; he'd found someone. Sam groaned and shoved to her feet, trying to fix her shirt and Nell grabbed her arm. "Nell I can keep my balance fine."

"I know."

"I'm going home." She moved slowly to the door, her side hurt with every movement.

Toby was standing in the hall with Livvy, he looked up as she stepped into the hall. She didn't want to know what they were saying; she wanted some space. Today was not supposed to go this way, it was supposed to be routine and easy; life was going back to normal.

She stepped around them and walked straight out of the clinic, Nell about two paces behind her and when she head the girl cough slightly she took her guess; Toby.

"Sam, Sam slow down." Toby yelled and she just sighed. "You crazy woman, are you trying to kill yourself?"

"No." She growled and then gasped, partially in surprise and part pain; Toby scooped her up. "Put me down."

"No. It's not going to happen Sam. I am going to take you home and put you in bed and keep you there. It is time you rest the way you were supposed to after the surgery." Toby glared at her and she glared right back but wasn't sure she dared squirm.

"I rested and I need to get back to work. I need my life to go back to work and I need to get my life back. I don't need to be treated like a baby." Sam snarled back.

"Woman it is past time someone took care of you, your ex-husband didn't bother with it but I want too." He held her tightly and Sam took her chances, elbowing him hard in the side.

He groaned and Sam moaned as his hand hit a sore spot. "Put me down now Toby."

"No. I'm not going to put you down. I'm not doing what you want; I am going to do what is good for you for once. Now stop it." It was like fighting with a brick wall but Sam didn't plan to lose."

"Toby you're hurting me." That worked and worked quickly, Toby put her down, his hands gently checking her and she jerked herself away from him. "Now for once will you listen to me? My life and my past is my business; not yours. You don't know what my marriage was like, you don't know the reasons for my divorce or what went into it. I'm a horrible wife; was. So stay out of it for now."

"Sam stop, you don't get to decide that; that's not something you can say." He stood square in front of her but he didn't look near as cocky as he did before.

"Are you my husband? Because last time I checked I was divorced and that was a mutual decision on the part of me and Andrew. I appreciate you as a friend, I do and I think that maybe there is more but not now; not today. You don't know enough." She wanted to scream at him, and to hide but she didn't want to lose him.

"He left you. He left you for another woman. How can you defend him?" He wasn't touching her, oddly Sam was very aware of it, and she felt tears prick her eyes.

"He's Jack's father. I, I had to do what was best for my son. And as of yet you have no say in it." It was only a few feet to her house and yet she didn't walk away.

"Sam that's not fair."

"I'm sorry, maybe this just isn't going to work. I already have Andrew to fight with." She didn't want to think it but she didn't want to fight with him.

Turning away she headed for the house and curled up on the bed, wishing her body would stop throbbing. The last thing she needed was Toby to interfere, the best thing here was for Malcolm Reid to get off Hope Island. And maybe this would be the last time she had to deal with him; at long last.

She wanted to know what he was doing here, but had a feeling she wouldn't like the answer; especially when they pulled him up Devil's Ridge. The only reason for going up there was spiders, backpackers and hikers rarely ventured that far inland.

Sam knew that the board had told the university they would pull funding if Malcolm Reid stayed on after the issue with the meeting and paperwork; Andrew had taken his place. As far as she knew he was still looking for a replacement and nobody had heard from Malcolm; till now.

Now he was in her clinic and she wanted him out, she didn't like him around her friends; or Nell. At least Jack was with his dad, he didn't need to know about any of this or her problems with Toby. At least he would be gone in a few hours, there was still a chance for serious injury that they weren't equipped to deal with. She didn't even know how long he had been here. She had been away almost three weeks and holed up at home the last one.

For now she was just going to leave it as it was, she wanted to sleep. And forget about it, she was more upset about Toby. He had been deciding what she felt and needed since he had decided he needed to stay with her in the hospital. She wasn't sure how she felt about it, arguing with him was worse than it had been with Andrew.

Somehow after hearing that he had cheated on her and wanted a divorce made it easier just let things go. It was having Jack in the middle of it that hurt, the fact that their marriage was over hurt but a lot of things had played into it; on both their parts. Andrew was the one to make the decision and in doing that had been the bad guy but looking back she knew their lives had been going different directions long before they split.

In the end it had just been a relief for it to finally be over. Lawyers, court and her son's anger had drained her more than moving out. In the end it had been nice to settle into life on the island and running the clinic; to spend the last bit of her father's life with him. She drifted to sleep and ended up tossing and turning restlessly.


	32. Chapter 32

p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; tab-stops: 344.1pt;" align="center"strongChapter Thirty Two /strong/p  
>p class="MsoNormal"She shadowed Toby out of the clinic, he had a good grip on Sam but she was still worried. She was mad at herself for putting on her iPod to work, but some of the reports Sam had her doing were stupidly boring and the music helped her focus; she couldn't make mistakes. But she'd ended up tuning out something big, when she got up for water Sam had been gone.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Livvy had let her go with Gus and Rick to get some guy who had fallen over Devil's Ridge. That place sucked, it was hard to get to and worse to get around; Sam was about the only person who liked going there. And that was only because she found her spiders and other creepy things there.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"At least Sam had come back under her own power, Nell had given Livvy that; until Sam collapsed. She must have over done it and rubbed up against something when they were hauling that jerk up the ridge. Of all the people Sam would go and help it would be the rude, good for nothing ass who tried to mess with her research. If she had gone she would have pretended she couldn't find him and left him out there; something would have taken care of the problem eventually.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"But when his wife was there and seemed completely oblivious to what an idiot he was maybe bringing him back and leaving him tied to the spine board until a medevac arrived would have worked. Instead Sam and Rick tried to treat him, and Sam had already hurt herself.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Nell winced thinking how much it must have hurt her, anything rubbing against her scar hurt a lot, to get hit hard enough to bruise would've made her pass out to begin with. Nobody else seemed to get it, if somebody came into the clinic in pain they got a pain killer fast, Livvy took her time giving Sam something when she was obviously in pain.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Plus she'd hit her head and Livvy'd done nothing about that, just let her go with Toby. Not seeming to consider how often Sam and Toby ended up fighting, which had happened and Sam had gone home by herself. Toby had stormed off in the direction of his boat.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"So Nell had invited herself to watch her. Nobody had figured out exactly what had happened and seemed so messed up by Reid being out here that they just let Sam be once she woke up. Nell had been around the clinic long enough to know a head injury meant not going to sleep right away; which was exactly what Sam did.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"She was surprised that Toby didn't slink back, neither of them saw that they liked bickering with each other, they just needed to stop going for weak spots to get each other mad. For grownups they were kind of cute together, and Toby was pretty cool when he was looking after Sam. When she was sure Sam was asleep she slipped into the room and roamed around, she should have brought the laptop.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"It would be boring to watch Sam sleep, her attention caught on the bookcase in the corner; maybe there was something that wasn't about venom. Nell was surprised to find that there was a shelf not dedicated to research books and boring stuff but from the titles cheesy romances.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"She grinned as she tried to find one she might be able to read for a bit, she would let Sam sleep for a couple hours before she woke her up. Finding one that promised to have some interesting bits she sat cross legged on the side of the bed Sam wasn't on. She wasn't very far into it before she decided Sam had a dirty side that she didn't let anybody see, or at least her taste in books was.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Nell was just getting to a good part when Sam groaned, she looked up in time to dodge the blanket as the woman threw the covers back. Not fully awake and clearly not aware of her Nell watched as Sam did her own assessment of her body, and then gasped.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Sam hiked her shirt up, running her fingers over the stitches that were now outlined in a distinct bruise; the heel of a boot. Nell rubbed her hand over her own scar, getting kicked would hurt to begin with; but that was just cruel.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""Why are you in my bed room?" Sam was aware of her now, but hadn't sat up.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""You hit your head, and could have had a concussion." Nell didn't move, if she backed up now Sam would have her out the door as fast as she could.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""I didn't hit my head hard enough for that and I didn't do any lifting."p  
>p class="MsoNormal""There weren't any tests to rule it out, and you always tell people to watch anyways. I was gonna wake you up in a bit." As soon as she had got past the good part in the book, the chances of Sam letting her borrow it were slim to none; and it wouldn't be worth her dad catching her with it.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""Well I'm awake, thanks for looking out for me." Sam still looked half asleep, Nell debated her chances of asking her some questions; she'd probably just get growled at. "Don't you have somewhere you would rather be? Anywhere?"p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Sam was rubbing at the stitches, hers were itchy too. "Not really."p  
>p class="MsoNormal""Were you just watching me sleep?" Nell blushed, but she knew Sam's eyes had already locked onto the book. "Where did you get that?"p  
>p class="MsoNormal""I was reading, and I got it off your book shelf. I'm just getting to the good part, you like it too; pages are still bent." She pulled it back as Sam reached for it. "I want to get to the end."p  
>p class="MsoNormal""No, you don't need to read to the end. Why don't you go do homework or something?"p  
>p class="MsoNormal""Uh, Sam I spend most of my time hanging out around your house with Jack, when I'm not at the clinic or Sonny's. My home work is done and I don't really want to be around the clinic." She slid off the bed, otherwise Sam probably would have kept slinking over to get the book and she did want to finish it.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""You and Livvy mad at each other again?"p  
>p class="MsoNormal""Uh, you remember right?" Maybe Sam did have a concussion, if she did it was going to be bad, she had seemed to know what was going on before; it couldn't be good if she didn't remember now.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""I remember, but then I can hope you two made up so that work will be peaceful tomorrow." p  
>p class="MsoNormal""I'll charge my iPod." Then she could just take up a corner of Sam's office again and no one would bother her.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""Right. Can I have some privacy Nell?"p  
>p class="MsoNormal""Can you get up first?" Until she saw Sam up and moving she wasn't going to be convinced that things were okay.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""I will." Sam started to push herself up and kept mumbling, Nell only caught 'scissors' and 'stitches' but it was more than enough for a guess.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""If you are going to take your stitches out you have to take mine out too. They are itchy and annoying now." And it would keep her busy if not make her leave them alone. She wasn't looking forward to having them taken out, it was probably going to hurt.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""Fine, but you get the bag from the shelf by the door."p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Nell got up and went to get the bag, everyone knew where it was. Sam worked when she was needed and kept the basics at home, Jack always whined about it. Sam was still laying on her side but she seemed more alert. "Shouldn't you do it at the clinic?"p  
>p class="MsoNormal""At this point it doesn't really matter, the incision is closed but I'm still going to disinfect it. You'll be safe, lay down." Sam was already rummaging around in the bag and Nell groaned; she wasn't sure on this.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""I'm not going first." Sam was wiping her hands with something and looked up to roll her eyes; Nell shook her head. She'd never needed stitches before but she had heard that they were miserable. Sam had a high pain tolerance if she whimpered when they came out Nell was going to take something for pain.p  
>p class="MsoNormal""Fine, disinfect your hands and you can help me."p 


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty Three**

She wasn't overly worried about taking the stitches out, here or at the clinic, it was time and the incision was well healed on her side. Nell was fidgety though, the kid was afraid of it. And she didn't need a squirming teenager to make something routine difficult.

Sam unfolded a protective sheet along her side, there was no reason for it to make a mess but it was her bed. "Can you help me? Or are you going to sit there and keep reading books you are too young for."

"I'm not too young for it, I'm sixteen and I already know about sex and stuff." Nell argued as she wiped her hands.

"Sex and stuff that alone means you are too young for it. And I don't want to hear that you know about it, my son is the only one here close enough to your age for you to experiment with it, I do not want to know about it. I don't want to think about it and Nell don't; just don't. Don't mess around, it just has risks you don't want to mess around with." She really didn't want to think about her son and Nell, about either of them doing that; they were both to young.

"Ewww, no, are you serious? Jack is gross. But the books are good." Nell actually looked disgusted, but she knew that would only last so long. "What am I supposed to do here?"

"Not call my son gross." She rolled her eyes, but Nell was right and she needed to get this done; and then find Toby. "Alright do you want to help me? Or do you want to watch?"

"I'll help." The girl had seen a lot helping at the clinic but she was still a kid; Sam didn't want to push her too far. "Are you going to bleed?"

"No, there shouldn't be any blood. All we need to do is cut the stitch just below the knot and pull it through. There is scar tissue all around it so it might stick a little. How about I do a few first?" The girl's eyes had gone wide and Sam wasn't sure she was ready for it.

"Fine, if you don't trust me."

"I trust you. Go ahead." Sam handed her the scissors and tucked her hands under her head. After the past month of being poked and prodded along with everything else; this wasn't bad. Nell was smart enough to disinfect the site, though she went a little overboard.

Nell made a couple false starts before cutting the first stitch, the kid cut it and faltered with the tweezers. "Just pull it, use your fingers."

"Weird." But she did what she was told and it worked. It was slow and she closed her eyes and tried to figure out what she was going to do about Toby.

They had to talk but she really didn't want to go into detail about her marriage or the mess it had ended up being. But then she didn't want it to start coming up when Jack got home either; he didn't need to hear it. And Toby wouldn't mean it but it would upset Jack and things were just getting settled with their family.

Finally she settled with the plan to let him ask all his questions now and then deal with whatever he thought. The man said one thing and did another but he meant well, Sam was sure of it. Or at least she really wanted him to.

"I think I got it." Nell sat back on her knees, Sam ran her fingers along the rough healing skin; it was clean.

"Good job. Your turn." Her side was tender, but it was done now that the stitches were out. There were no more reminders of the past month; it was over. She tucked her shirt back into place and sat up, urging Nell to lay down. "Stay still."

Slipping a pair of gloves out of the kit she tucked Nell's shirt up to expose the incision and the stitches as Nell fidgeted, the kid wasn't going to stay still for her. Placing a hand on her hip Sam disinfected the site and took the first stitch. Making quick work of the row of stitches she started pulling them one at a time.

Sam checked it carefully and disinfected it. "This looks good, in time the scar will fade and you'll barely notice it. If you want it to fade faster we can get some bio oil."

"You should get some too. Does it work on stretch marks too?" Nell gave her an innocent look.

"Miserable little brat. Someday if you have a kid you'll end up just the same." She packed up the kit and let Nell fix herself up.

"Maybe, but I'll get them fixed if I do." Nell grinned at her. "Yours aren't obvious, I just noticed."

"Well they've had sixteen years to fade and you don't necessarily have to have a kid to end up with stretch marks." Sam sighed, she didn't need to be reminded that she was old, her son did that often enough. "Jack was worth it."

"Maybe." Nell rolled her eyes and then shook her head. "I'm gonna go get my stuff from the clinic. I'm good to be done for today?"

"Yes. You're done for the day." And she was done too, it was time to find Toby.

"Cool." Nell jumped up and left.

Sam sighed, now she had to go and talk to Toby; it wasn't going to be easy. She got up and went to the mirror, fixing her top and wishing she didn't have a bruise on her forehead. Sam knew that Toby wouldn't really care that much but she wished she wasn't bruised; especially not on her face. But that was not her luck.

Now she had to talk to Toby while he stared at her forehead and tried to smother her. Hesitantly she hiked up her shirt to check what her side had done, it had burned really bad when it happened but if she hadn't clipped the side of the table on the way down she wouldn't have had to deal with this entire mess this afternoon.

By the time she got back in the morning hopefully Malcolm Reid would be gone and finally for good. She'd had it with him a long time ago and was sick of him messing things up for her; pretty much since she was a resident. It wasn't fair, he kept getting away with things and it was like he didn't care.

If he hadn't tumbled over Devil's Ridge today she wouldn't have his boot print bruised onto her side but she also might never have known he was up there. She still didn't know exactly what he had been doing, but she didn't like it. He had nearly destroyed her reputation twice and now he was pushing in on her space.

Sam was tempted to stop by the clinic to see if they had medevac'd him out yet but she hadn't heard the copter and didn't want to have to chance seeing him; or dealing with Livvy. Nell would have seen the bruise by now and no doubt have felt the need to irritate Livvy; the girl took a strange pleasure in annoying the nurse.

Hopefully the kid wouldn't find Toby, it would be best if he didn't find out until Malcom was off the island. But she could probably keep him busy, especially if they started talking about the past. It wasn't going to get any easier putting it off.

She took a deep breath and headed for his boat, hoping he hadn't gone to Sonny's; she didn't need to scare off his customers. Walking helped, and it was beautiful out; it was one of the things she loved living out here. It was good weather most of the year, and it usually helped lift her mood.

Right now it did nothing to ease her nerves, Toby was going to be upset; she hoped he wasn't drinking. If they were going to talk this out she wanted him to be fully alert; it would only happen once. She was relieved to see his boat was docked and walkway was out. Her mind had started running through possibilities of where he might have gone and basically every way for it to go wrong.

"Hello." She called, stepping onto the deck; hoping he was just below. She didn't get a response, and had a bad feeling he wasn't below deck taking a nap; she'd have to wait for him.

Wandering around for a bit she sat on the bench, she wasn't going to go and try and find him; it would only end up embarrassing her. Not to mention earn questions she didn't want to answer. Settling her chin on the edge of the boat she watched the water, it would be nice when she could go swimming again but she should wait a few more days; or earn herself way to many lectures.

She missed swimming in the mornings, it was the best way to wake up; not to mention now it would be about the only time she could wear her bikini.

"Sam?" Toby's voice made her jump.

"Hey, I uh, was waiting for you." She blushed as he stepped close and brushed his thumb over her forehead. "It just looks bad, a little cut."

"I know that's not all. Sam I was at the clinic, you let Nell take your stitches out; and it doesn't take long for you to bruise." He sounded guarded and she swallowed hard, it was a good thing she hadn't gone there.

"It's not a big deal. I, I don't want to talk about that." But she didn't want to leave either, she wanted to talk. "You wanted to know some stuff."

"Right now I want to know how you can brush off someone assaulting you after you risk your life to help them. And just so you know his wife overheard Nell, and wants to know if that's the truth; as does her father."

"Jenny's father? What does he have to do with it?" She was only confused a second, but he was already giving her an exasperated look. "No, Laurie doesn't need to get involved in any of this, and it's not his jurisdiction anyway."

"No it's not but it is spreading fast and you are going to need to talk to Laurie's buddy who will be here in the morning and Sam I think it is past time you pressed charges; you should have done it when he messed with your work." He'd taken her hand but it didn't help, and she fought the urge to tell him his opinion didn't matter; the problem was it did.

"I don't want to." She felt tears in her eyes and tried to push it back. "I just want it to go away."

"Well he is going to, Callum, Laurie's buddy is already making arrangements and he is collecting some history on the two of you and he will be out in the morning. You are going to tell him what happened and let him document the bruises and he will go away. I will make sure of it, he already knows it is not in his best interest to ever come here again." His eyes were hard, and Sam knew she was looking at the dangerous side of him; the man the military had hardened.

"You didn't threaten him." She didn't need a man to defend her.

"I told him what would be best for his health, and that is to stay off Hope Island and far away from you and any work you do. And Sam if I didn't there was a line of people ready to, I think I make more of a point then Nell. There has been enough of this, you doctored him once and in repayment a few months later he messed with your research. You are finally on the mend and risk your neck to get him out of a bind and in repayment he kicks you. Everyone is sick of it." His hand had slid down to her hip, and Sam was keenly aware of it even as she wished she had stayed home.

"Nell." The kid didn't need to pick her fights.

"Mostly just threatened him with her dad, who made his point. Nell mostly just harassed Livvy who to her credit didn't hit the brat." Toby actually smiled a little.

"She means well, she really does."

"We know and we know you do too; you just drive us all crazy." Toby guided her back to the bench and slid his arm around her shoulders; she curled into his side.

"You know I think in the past two days you have talked to me more, in actual sentences than I can ever remember." She slid her hand into his.

"I'm learning, woman it takes a lot of words to get things through your head; more when you don't agree." Sam scowled at him and he smiled before pressing his lips to her forehead. "What did you want?"

"There goes the charm." She rolled her eyes, he was a little rough around the edges; but for the most part she liked it. "I thought I might have been a little off earlier, since you know, you carried me out of my place of work like an invalid and seem to feel you know everything about me and can make my decisions. I don't like you jumping to conclusions but if you want to know I'll talk."

"Just a little? Try unreasonable."

Sam turned and gave him a look, he was really going to choose now to be difficult; that shouldn't surprise her. "Well you embarrassed me in front of my colleagues, my friends, and my patients. Not to mention acted like an idiot. I got a little upset."

"Again a little?"

"Toby!" She snarled and he grinned.

"You know you're cute when you're mad. Kind of like a hissing kitten, cute and yet completely harmless; all hiss no bite." She tried to elbow him for that remark but he caught her up wrapping his arms around her and hauling her into his lap. "I want to talk Sam."

"Then don't call me a hissing kitten." She pouted, staying tense in his arms; the morphine was starting to wear off.

"I'm sorry but it's the closest thing I can think of."

"You're not helping yourself. Do you want me to start? Before I decide this was a horrible idea and ditch you to read a romance book that I never finished and Nell managed to find and now thinks I dog-ear pages of the dirty parts. The book is starting to seem like a better option." She had to check that Nell hadn't taken the book, any sympathy or respect Laurie felt for her would go straight out the window if he caught his daughter with her romance book; it was for adults.

"Okay, please talk. I won't even comment on the book."


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty Four**

He was sorely tempted to comment on it but he had a pretty good notion that if he did she would ditch him for the book. And if she was going to tell him anything personal he wanted to hear. It was frustrating to hear her defend her ex.

He didn't hate the man or want to find a reason to but he didn't think that he treated Sam fairly; and he didn't want to make the same mistake. But he knew Andrew was still Jack's father, and Sam would always have to deal with him. He didn't want Jack to overhear the conversation and he didn't want Sam to have to turn around and deal with her son right after bringing up old memories.

Toby listened as Sam told it, and highlighted her faults as much reasons she got divorced. He didn't like how she put it, but he didn't want to interrupt her or she would end up stopping. There were little details that he would never have guessed, quirks Sam saw as bad that he thought were kind of cute. A part of him wished he could just learn them through life; rather than being told.

But Sam seemed to need this off her chest, and in getting through it she seemed to be relaxing. He waited her out and she slowed down, giving him a picture of a woman he knew. A picture of her before her heart was broken.

And no matter how long she denied it he felt sure that was what had happened, whether Sam realized it or not. Maybe not in the romantic sense but in the sense that Sam had built a life with the man, and around him and their son. Sam had adapted herself and put her family first, in front of her goals for her career and her life.

Now her son was sixteen and Sam was finally living out her dream but there was enough regrets mixed with it. Sam wasn't the type to accept that marriages ended, she had not been the one to break the commitment; she had given in rather than start a war with a man she had loved.

And blamed herself for her marriage falling apart, but what she didn't see, and probably never would see was that her faults were as endearing as annoying. Sam wasn't a housekeeper, and she had a free spirit but she was smart and she worked hard.

Sam was also fun to be around and fight with; she said what she thought. Toby wanted her back, he wanted to see her free again, to be able to put it all in the past. It would be a long road, with ups and downs but he hoped there would be more nights like this. He loved having her curled up in his arms, although he would prefer her bruise free.

He was tired of seeing her in pain and bruised up, if Malcolm Reid hadn't been in the clinic Sam ran and loved he would have beat the man into next week without a question. But it was past time the man was brought up for what he had been doing for the past few months. First messing with her research and mostly just being a jerk was tolerable but only because Sam wanted to best him with her work and skill; hurting her was way over the line.

But this would be dealt with and they would move on, now Sam had gone silent and he looked down to find her asleep. He smiled and tucked her hair back behind her ear, she was over tired and had a big day. Lifting her against his chest he carried her below and tucked her into bed, slipping off her runners. He should have fed her before letting her pass out; she probably hadn't eaten since lunch.

She'd be starving by morning, Toby checked the galley, and he had everything for Sam's favourite breakfast. It wasn't the first time she would have stayed on the boat, even if it was unintentional. He debated whether or not he should join her in the bed, at least at her house there was a couch; the boat had been remodelled for his needs.

He wasn't keen on sleeping on the floor and he wouldn't mind Sam in his arms; he just wasn't sure she would like it. But when it came down to it, he wanted to curl up with her; and that is what he did. Toby was sure he had never slept better, and Sam snuggled in her sleep; he kept her pressed against his chest.

Toby woke early and was glad to find Sam still asleep and peaceful; she wouldn't be happy about today. He left her to go to the galley and make pancakes and bacon. Sam loved it, even if she never bothered to make it for herself; it would be a treat.

The bacon was crispy and pancakes coming off the grill when Sam padded in. "Something smells good."

"That would be your breakfast, sit. I hope you're hungry." She looked so adorable with her hair still mussed and her t shirt rumpled.

"Starving. Please tell me you didn't sleep on the floor or something?" Sam took the coffee he offered.

"No, and you are absolutely adorable when you sleep. Eat sweetie." He filled a plate and slid it in front of her.

"Delicious, and I'm sweetie now?" She picked up a piece of bacon and nipped off a piece.

"Yeah, you are." Toby grinned and filled his own plate to sit beside her; nudging her over on the bench. "Are you okay with sleeping here?"

"Yeah, but my bed is more comfortable. It is just a little weird, after so long." Sam smiled a little, and took a bite of pancake. "This is good."

"It is, Sam if you aren't okay with it…"

"That's not what I said." Sam grinned and leaned her cheek on his shoulder. Toby took her fork and continued feeding her pancakes. "I like it, I'm sorry for falling asleep on you."

"I don't mind." He kept feeding her, and Sam stayed close. "You have to go and see Callum today."

"I know. Has Reid been shipped out?" Sam slid her hand onto his knee and he looked down at; he liked that.

"As far as I know Callum with be taking him back when he leaves after he speaks to everyone who has run in with Reid on this and the history. It will be over soon." He knew she was bristling and he was tempted to nudge her a little more, just to see if she'd hiss at him.

"Where am I supposed to meet this guy?"

"He'll come here once he talks to everybody at the clinic. Then once he is gone you can go to work." She would like that, and Toby was happier to keep her with him.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty Five **

The apartment was nice, nicer than their house had been in town; but then dad pulled a good income. It was big, and spacy but it still felt cramped somehow. Looking out one window practically into the next building and the other to the street below and more buildings beyond that.

He wondered how many times dad had moved since he left mum, maybe he wasn't as happy as he seemed. Jack wandered through the rooms, it felt empty and lonely; it wasn't home. At home there was space and people, either coming in to find mom or Nell inviting herself in to do school stuff; or bother him. Maybe that was why dad kept trying to find someone, it sucked to be alone.

It wasn't as weird as he had expected it to be, easier than last time anyway. This place was new and dad claimed it was permanent, he wasn't sure about all the plans though. There was a room for him, even though Jack only planned on occasional visits; dad was talking having him come back for Uni. He wasn't so sure on that.

But he was giving it his best shot, and so was dad, this was the first day all week that he'd gone to work. Leaving him with free reign to snoop a little bit, there was no sign of Gillian the clean freak; seemed like dad was really over her now. No signs of anybody else either, he was kind of glad of that, he didn't like meeting his girlfriend; it was too weird.

Somehow it was different with mom, but then Toby had been sniffing around since they moved out there and at least had the decency to wait. He was a friend to mum and proved it, especially this last month. He'd even fixed things when he'd screwed up, Jack hadn't heard any more about it but he had been watching.

But then Toby made no effort to get together with the 'family', he hung out with them and left dad be. Somehow they were still a family, they had to be, it hadn't been bad, and dad had to come out to the clinic anyways if he was going to help with the study.

Jack had already decided he wasn't going to be stupid, his parents weren't going to get back together and he was just as happy that they didn't have big family reunions if both of them found somebody else; that would just be weird. People got divorced, it happened and his family; he hadn't thought it would happen.

The door opened and Jack wandered out, his dad was home. "How was work?"

"Not so good, there was an incident and it had to be dealt with. It is not a big deal, I've talked to everybody and it is alright. How about we get some lunch? I'll tell you about it, and Jack your mum is fine. "He looked tired, but Jack perked on it.

"Why wouldn't mum be fine?"

"She is fine, that is all you need to worry about." He was dropping his coat and brief case; Jack stared at him. "Do you want to order in or go out?"

"I want to know what is going on." Sometimes his dad could be so difficult; both his parent could be for that matter.

"We will get lunch and talk Jack, if it was serious I'd have already told you. Pizza?" He watched him sort through the take out ads.

"Whatever, what happened?"

"Jack let me order and then we will talk."

Jack fumed silently while his dad made the call, this wasn't fair. His dad was bad for that, filtering what he needed to know and he was past that. He wasn't a little kid who needed to be protected and it was rude when people treated him like it.

He was smart, and he wasn't naïve, at least his mum didn't believe he should be sheltered from everything. She was more than comfortable with letting him learn and explore; even though he knew she was watching from a distance. There was a reason he liked living with mum, or a number of them.

"Are you ready to listen?" His dad stared at him.

"Yeah, what happened?" Jack tried hard to stay calm, fighting with him wasn't going to help.

"Sit down." His dad sat on the couch, and he rolled her eyes before sitting beside him. "There was an incident at the clinic. Everyone is alright, but some details needed to be sorted out."

"Why? Why did they call you? Mum changed her emergency contact to Sonny and Livvy." He stared at him, there was no reason that anyone would call dad about mum; but somebody should have called him.

"They didn't call me about Sam getting hurt, they called me about an investigation into Malcolm Reid. I used to be his boss, and I was married to Sam. Jack your mum is fine, this is more of an insurance so that Sam has no more problems with him. Reid toed the line a few to many times, he needed to pay the consequences." The man stared at his hands and Jack shifted, he was saying it was all fine a little too often.

"What did he do?"

"Jack let's not get into this, I want to have a good week together; your only here a couple more days." He glared at him, suddenly furious at his insinuation.

"Just because you don't care doesn't mean I don't. I want to know what happened, I'm not a kid so just tell me."

"I care Jack, I care." His father stood and started to pace the room, Jack glared at him. "I just need to think rationally. If I get you all upset it will do no good. Your mother is fine and the issue is being resolved there is no need for you to get upset. That doesn't mean I don't care."

"Well I'm glad you can be so rational; I'm sure everybody appreciates it so much." The door buzzed but Jack got up and walked away, he wasn't hungry right now.

This was so irritating, his father was always so self-assured and always right; or at least in his mind he was. Jack didn't want to deal with that right now, he wanted to go home now. Get away from all of this and go back where he was comfortable.

His dad wasn't really lying to him, he wouldn't but Jack didn't trust that he was getting the whole story. At least at home people would look out for mum, Toby was tough and Reid was a scrawny guy; it wouldn't even be a fight. Jack just wanted to be there, he could do something.

Flipping open his laptop he tried to get a chat open with his mum, the laptop was probably at the clinic; and so was his mum. But nobody connected it, annoyed Jack tried to open one with Nell; she would know something. No one answered, he debated calling Sonny's; everything that went on was gossiped through there eventually.

But it was noon, the place would be swamped and Sonny would be busy; he probably wouldn't get an answer either. Toby would take care of his mum Jack told himself; he knew that. He just wanted a part, he was her son and with everything that had happened this past month he wanted a part of something.

There was a knock on the door and he looked up to find his dad standing there. "Can we talk Jack?"

"What?"

"I thought we had gotten past your mom and I splitting; what is wrong now?" The man sat next to him; Jack shot him a glare.

"You really have to ask? Mum got hurt and you act like it's no big deal. This whole month has been no big deal to you has it?" Jack sighed, they had been through this too.

"Jack please stop. I do care and it is a big deal but Sam is no longer my wife, she is a co-worker and my son's mother. We don't share confidences anymore, and we keep our distance, I want the best for her but I am trying not to get too involved in her life. But we have to allow each other to move on." He was probably right, but it was still annoying.

"So you can just stop, step back like that?"

"It's not like that, Jack it has been a long time and past time that we both move on, I've tried and your mother needs to as well. Jack I care, but I want to have a week with you. If your mum was seriously hurt then I would tell you. I would. But it was a minor incident and if she hadn't had surgery a month ago it wouldn't even be mentioned. Reid kicked her in the side, but he was injured and it seems it was the last straw for them. That's all, Nell was upset and talked to her father and he got a friend to look into the history between Sam and Reid."

"Nell asked?" Jack paused, maybe it wasn't just Toby looking out for mum; that was good.

"Nell asked her dad to take care of it, you are going to have to understand that Nell is going to feel attached to her with all that's happened."

"Yeah I get that." Jack groaned, he did understand that and in a way he didn't mind it. Jack liked Nell and he was glad that she was alright and she was always around anyways. It would be weird if she wasn't hanging out at their house all the time.

"I know you want to go home but can we finish this week together? Try and call your mum this evening?" He stared at his father, mum kept trying to make spend time together; while saying she staying out of it.

"Fine. You going back to work the rest of the week?" If he was going to spend the rest of the week he didn't want to spend it cooped up in the apartment by himself.

"No, I'm not. Why don't we go to the museum or somewhere?"

"Thought you got a pizza?"

"Now you're hungry?"

Jack sighed, this week hadn't been all bad, and it was just frustrating. He and his dad just seemed so different, it wasn't even that they were growing apart; it already happened. He liked space and being outdoors, whereas museums were more his dad's thing. Computer stuff was one thing they had on the same page but he did it for work and Jack did it for fun; video games didn't fit his dad's professional image.

Jack followed his dad out and ate pizza, talking him into a movie rather than wandering through museums he had been too when he was a kid and was actually interested in that stuff. But the movie turned out to be a documentary; and incredibly boring.

Finally he went to his room and got the game and controllers he brought, his dad entertained it but sucked. It was an easy win, especially when he spent half of every round explaining how to use the controller and the object of the game. This week wasn't too bad.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty Six **

Nell was hanging over the edge of the boat as they cut through the water away from the main land, Jack sat on the bench beside her; not as interested in the wind. Sam stood beside Toby in the wheelhouse watching the two teens.

They cut through the water towards home, Jack smiled as he talked to Nell, the two were laughing about something; they looked so happy. Innocent and content, they looked like kids and after all of this nothing could make her happier.

Sam had been glad to see her son, she had missed him this past week as much as she enjoyed the time with Toby and was relieve to have space to sort out the other issue. It was good to have everything behind them.

It was another hour home, Toby was taking a strange route around the back of the island but Sam wasn't worried. Toby could go whichever way he wanted, it was nice to be out on the water; it was relaxing. She smiled as they rounded the north tip, she knew where they were; it was a good memory.

"I thought we might stop for a little adventure." Toby's hand slid down her back as he brought the boat around. "Someone told me you used to like coming out here."

"Yeah, I did my dad used to bring me but we always came the long way. It was a full day by the time we hiked out and climbed up but it's been years since I've been out here. I've been meaning to bring Jack up, he hasn't been up since he was too small to remember it." Sam smiled as she leaned against him looking back at the kids, she had put that off to long.

"Well I think now would be a good time, did you listen when I told you to bring a suit?" He was grinning and she nodded. "I don't know about the kids."

"Nell knew, and Jack took his suit to his dad's so it is somewhere here. I even brought a picnic so let's have a nice afternoon." Toby brought the boat up close to the base of the bridge and Sam looked up at the rock formation; it was a fun climb.

"Thanks Toby, it will be a good afternoon." She kissed his cheek and stepped out on deck to talk to the kids.

There was no doubt Jack would be excited she knew but she needed to check that they both had the energy for it. It was a good climb to the top and backing out half way wasn't a good option. Sam had done it plenty of times but the rock face was always changing and she hadn't been up in a couple years, the track had been there for years though.

But both kids were excited to try it and as Toby dropped anchor both went below to change, Sam slid off her shorts and debated her tank top; Jack had yet to see the scar. She debated whether or not she wanted to deal with it today.

More questions would be asked if she left it on Sam decided, but she would leave it for later. The teens emerged from below, Nell had left her t-shirt on but looked excited; both stood at the back of the boat looking up at the rock formation.

Sam joined them, she knew the trick to getting up it, but it was incredible to look at too. Towering above the water the red rock formation looked as beautiful as it did daunting. Her father said there had been a legend about how it was formed but she could never remember it.

"Ready to go?" Toby stripped off his t-shirt and flashed them a smile as he walked off the end of the boat; Sam glanced at both kids and followed.

"You don't come up here to catch anything sketchy do you?" Nell hesitated as Jack joined them in the water.

"No Nell it's safe and it's not as hard a climb as you think. There are almost stairs if you go up the right way." Jack and Toby had already headed over to the rock, she glanced their way; both were already finding the grips.

Nell rolled her eyes before slipping into the water, they swum over as Jack started to climb, she told him I was easier to stay on the inside. Sam waited her turn to go, Toby insisted he go up last; so she started up behind Nell. It was a slow climb, but she was glad everyone was careful, Jack scrambled over the top and helped Nell up; she took her son's hand and let him help her over as well.

She glanced back in time to see Toby ignore him and pull himself over; jumping easily to his feet. The kids were already caught up with looking out at the view so she sidled over to him. "You could have let him help you."

"I'd have sent him on a nose dive and I managed." Toby smirked, his hand sliding easily around her waist, guiding her over to stand behind the teens. "It is quite a view."

She nodded, Sam could remember coming up here as a kid and thinking you could see all the way around the world from here. But that was when she was five, and life seemed so simple; there had been no way to predict where life would take her.

It had taken her a long way, and it was a rough road; taking a long time to get back till a point where she was happy. These people made her happy and each had a different place and meaning in her life. There were choices to be made and chances to take; sometimes the price was more than worth it. This was worth it and it was her new beginning. Sam smiled as she leaned into Toby, this was her future and her home; in truth this place always had been. Now there were just more people to share it with.


End file.
